


I Couldn’t Stop Caring

by Lazy_days_88



Series: I Couldn’t Stop Caring [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A different aftermath of mount weather, Alternate Canon, Angst, Canon Divergence, Clexa, F/F, Fluff, Kind of smut but kind of not, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:53:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 59,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22113649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lazy_days_88/pseuds/Lazy_days_88
Summary: This is my story that was originally uploaded to Wattpad, but I decided to move it to Ao3 as it’s a more popular platform. I genuinely don’t know how to work Ao3 so you’ll have to work with me here, I’m trying!______"I couldn't stop" Lexa whispered softly"Stop what?""I couldn't stop caring"______Book 1 of  the 'I couldn't stop caring' series.This takes place after the mountain. Clarke is on the run from her demons, and she finds herself in the wrong hands. The commander of the 12 clans makes choices which would be seen as weakness to the other clans, but that is not what is on on her mind.They have to learn to work together once again, and give each other the trust they need to fight another war.
Relationships: Bellamy/Echo - Relationship, Octavia/Lincoln, Raven/Luna, Raven/OC, clarke/lexa
Series: I Couldn’t Stop Caring [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1592182
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke’s attempt at a new life outside of camp Jaha is short lived as a new hunt begins for Wanheda. Clarke finds something to distract herself from her broken heart.

Clarke dropped down from the tree, her body crashing harshly into the panther below her as she dropped onto it, driving her dagger into it's back. Her heart pounded heavily in her chest as she drew back the blade, teeth clenched.

"Yu gonplei ste odon" she whispered. (Your fight is over)

She got to her feet, her hands falling to her sides as she examined her fresh kill. The pelt alone would bring her good trading with Nylah even without the meat. Sliding the dagger back into the sheath on her hip, she hoisted the dead wild animal onto her pull-cart beside her other supplies, she heaved out a sigh as she wiped the blood on her trousers.

It had been 87 days since she left Camp Jaha in the hands of Bellamy and her friends. She knew they would be angry, there was no doubt about that, but she knew she could. She trusted them. She let out a small, shaky sigh as she thought of her previous home. She raised her head for her eyes to meet the yellowing leaves of the towering trees above her, inhaling the fresh scent of her new home, where there was nobody to judge her past, and a place where there we no faces to bring back the demons of her past who demand revenge for her actions. They found her though, in her sleep at night.

Her feet powered through the fallen leaves and dirt as she tugged at her pull-cart, teeth gritted at the restraining weight on her latest kill. She cursed, her hands gripped tightly around the wooden handles. Although she struggled, she had became accustomed to her new life in the woods, growing in strength as the power of Mother Nature tested her. She dropped her cart outside of Niylah's trading post, pulling her hood from over her head allowing her darkened red hair to fall over her shoulders as she entered, the panthers unfortunate body slung over her shoulder. Niylah's eyes landed on her.

"And you are still to disappoint, Wanheda" she said, impressed as she took the kill from Clarke, dropping the body on her bench.

"Do you have my share from the last one?" Clarke said, ignoring the popular name given to her by the grounders.

"Yes, but I'd be lying if I said it met as a worthy payment for this time" Niyla said as she tugged a basket of meat from under the bench "Even with the meat cured and seasoned. Please, help yourself to anything else."

Clarke's eyes skimmed up and down Niylah's frame, noticing the slight shake in her hands. Her eyes narrowed as she eyed the trader "You seem nervous, Niylah. Is there something wrong?"

Niylah's eyes widened and redirected her gaze away from Wanheda "T-They are looking for you Wanheda" she whispered "anyone found concealing you from Azgeda or the commander will be executed on the spot. I fear you will meet the same fate if captured"

The words hit Clarke hard and she felt that crushing weight on her shoulders which she was all too familiar with. The responsibility of lives. She couldn't risk Niylah's life just for supplies.

"Then I won't return until the hunt is called off. Thank you for sharing this information with me. I will take my share and leave" Clarke said. As the last word had left her mouth, the door to the small hut swung open, knocking loose items on the bench behind it to the ground. The women immediately separated, Niylah making her way back behind her counter, and Clarke making herself appear interested in a hunting knife in the corner of the room. The men towered over Niylah, their heads only just skimming the roof. One man slammed a piece of paper on the table,his bloodstained hands remaining on the sheet. Niylah peered down at the artwork of Wanheda.

"You know who this is, trader. We all know. Now tell me, where is she?" he growled. The husk of his voice felt like it reached into Clarke's heart and clenched it tightly. Her hands tightened around the handle of the knife.

"Well, I must say that it does not hold much likeliness to Wanheda, bounty hunter. However I can tell you she was here a few days ago. In which direction, I cannot tell" Niylah said confidently. But her confidence was soon cut short as the bounty hunters hand cut her short, snapping out and wrapping tightly around her throat. Her breath spluttered out in a short shocked gasp.

"Lies!" He growls "Tell me where she is! Or your fate will be the same as the others who kept her from us!'

A lump grew in Clarke's throat at the thought of countless deaths for her. The worst thing for her though, was that the only person she spoke to or even interacted with, was Niylah. She placed the knife carefully on the bench and turned to watch the scene play out, fists clenched.

"Please! I don't know!" Niylah choked out through her crushing throat. Her hands clawed helplessly against the bounty hunter's arms. Clarke couldn't watch another innocent death. Not again. She pulled the dagger from its sheath and arched her arm, launching it forward sending it spinning into his back. His grip loosened and he dropped to his knees. The man he travelled with turned to face her, short angered grunts escaping from him.

"Wanheda..." his eyes narrowed "looks like I found you."

His words suddenly takes Clarke back to when she found Finn, stood over the bodies of the innocent people he killed to find her. The smile on his face when he found her, reflected the face in front of her.

"Yes, you have found me." Clarke said through gritted teeth "However, you forget who I am."

The bounty hunter lurched towards her,lifting his leg to deliver a kick to her side. She dodged it with ease, only to find another blow headed towards her. The girl blocked it, and watched as he unsheathed his sword and swung it at her shoulder, making her stumble back and land on the steps behind her. It had only skimmed her skin. He glared down at her, but she lifted her leg, kicking him in the stomach forcing him to hunch over, grunting at the unexpected hit. She lifted the sword as soon as it connected with the floor, and got to her feet. His eyes widened as he watched the woman in front of him, fearlessly examining his blade before turning it down to point it straight at him. Clarke peered down at him through her red hair.

"Allow me to remind you, Bounty Hunter" she hissed "I am the commander of death"

She drove the iron sword into his chest, hearing the slight crunch as the metal crushed through his ribs, piercing his heart. Blood escaped through his lips as he fell to the floor, leaving a ever-growing pool of blood around him.

"Wanheda, thank you" Niylah whispered, her hands carefully rubbing along the bruising skin of her neck. Clarke looked down at the bodies, gnawing on the inside of her cheek as she thought of a plan.

"Nobody else will die for me" Clarke said in a a low voice, she said and turned to the trader, her heart in her mouth as she spoke "I want you to hand me over to the commander."

Clarke knew that because she was Wanheda, everyone wanted her power, and she hid from that like she hid from her own people. But there was no point in hiding if even more people died. Niylah's eyes softened.

"Clarke" she said quietly "What if they kill you?'

"Then I'm one less danger in this world Niylah." she said quietly, blood dripping down her shoulder from where she had caught herself with the blade of the sword. The trader's eyes landed on the wound, and she carefully reached out to look at it, slowly, afraid of what Clarke would say.

"Allow me to take care of your shoulder, Wanheda" she whispered, her hand dropping to run down Clarke's arm. She took Clarke's silence as a yes, and she lead her through the rough fabric of the curtain behind the counter to the backroom. Clarke settled herself of Niylah's bed, and her eyes followed the other woman's movements as she collected bandages from her drawers. Clarke held her breath as she slid off her punctured, stained shirt from her body.

"You are no commander of death" Niylah whispered as she tended to her wounded shoulder "I view you as the commander of peace."

Clarke scoffed at the thought "That's all I ever wanted. But people betrayed me. Lexa betrayed me. Its hard to bring peace when you can't even be at peace with yourself"

Niylah's hands lingered "What you did at the mountain... they would never have stopped. They would have taken more"

"I-" Their blistered, bloody faces flash through Clarkes vision "Can we talk about something other than the mountain?'

Their faces haunted her every night, and it felt like there was a hole in heart every time she thought of them. The guilt of what she did hurt. And the betrayal and heartbreak she felt when Lexa left her alone at the doors of the mountain hurt more. She still remembers the empty feeling as she watched the commander turn and walk away, her red sash flowing behind her as she abandoned her heartlessly.

She looked down, blinking away the tears that threatened to escape her eyes. Thats when she felt Niylah's lips pressed against the skin of her neck, her hands skimming down her back, her body pressed to against her own. Clarke sighed as she welcomed the feeling,dropping down her guard to the blonde woman as her lips found hers. She just needed to get the commander out of her head. She just needed someone to act like they cared. Even if it was just for one night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke takes matters into her own hands, and travels to Polis alone.

Clarke gasped as she pushed herself up from the bed, tears clouding her vision as her heart thumped endlessly against her chest. Like even her heart itself wanted to escape her haunted form. She turned her head to see Niylah laying on her stomach with her braided blonde hair surrounding her head on the pillow as she slept. Every now and then the small strands of hair across her face would move under her breath. The bed sheets, crafted of soft animal pelts, protect her naked form from Clarke's eyes.

As Clarke rose from the bed and began to get dressed, she caught a glimpse of herself between the cracks of a mirror. She clenched her fists, staring at the stranger she had came across. The woman in the mirror looked larger, with dark circles under her eyes, and small healing cuts and bruises across her face. She looked permanently damaged. A defect that had been rejected even by herself. No, it was not Clarke. Though she moved when Clarke moved.

She left the trading post, her freshly sharpened sword fastened tightly to her waist. After all, she was the commander of death. She had no doubt that at some point she would use it. Somewhere, deep down, Clarke knew she should be scared. Walking straight into the capital city of the grounders, home to the commander of the 12 clans and her greatest warriors. But the thing that worried her, was the fact that she wasn't afraid at all.

The heel of her boots bit down into the cold dirt below them, every now and then the sound of a snapping twig or the crunching of leaves would find its way out into the early morning light. She wrapped her hand into a fist around the handle of her sword as she moved, not caring at all if the noise was heard by others. It would just mean a faster trip to Polis when they take her away. Clarke was ready to face the commander. And she was ready to make sure she regretted leaving her at the mountain.

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She approached the gates of Polis, her eyes narrowed to watch the flames burning with power on top of the tower which she saw from between the trees, miles away. Immediately, several warriors built like tanks had their bows drawn, their well-crafted arrows pointed towards her. Without hesitation she removed her hand from her sword and raised her arms above her head, implying she was not going to put up a fight unless they made her. The guards eyed each other in confusion, sharing small murmurs. There was no doubt that they didn't expect Clarke to just show up without putting up a fight to be found. They knew this.

"Well, since you've been looking for me, are you going to let me in? Or are you going to explain to the commander why you rejected Wanheda, who is being hunted by the way, from entering Polis" Clarke called. Immediately two guards left their post, moving towards the mighty Wanheda with their swords drawn.

"Get her" he growled, and Clarke felt him tightly grasp her arm pushing it behind her back in one movement. She clenched her jaw, the muscle rippling under her skin.

"Be careful would you?" she grumbles, struggling slightly in his strong grip. From behind her, the other guard swung the butt of his sword and hit the back of her head, knocking her unconscious. She dropped and landed in the dirt by their feet, her arms spread out at her sides in awkward angles. The closest warrior cringed at the sight.

"Go inform Titus of her arrival" he grunted as he kicked her hand "bag her head. None of the other people must see her enter."

"Gustus, the commander said she was not to be harmed..."

"Well she is. And we are taking her to Heda immediately. Are you questioning me?" Gustus slung Clarke's limp body over his shoulder as he glared at the other man.

"no"

"Then go and inform Titus" he ordered again "unless you wish to be punished for refusing your orders, Jayden."

"I will inform him ahead of your arrival" Jayden ducked his head as he quickly took off through the gates towards the towering building which was home to Lexa, and the representatives of the 12 clans. He was certainly aware of the punishment, and was not ready to die. Not for something so shamed. He made his way to Lexa's throne room, where he found Titus standing absently outside. Jayden only assumed that Heda was in a meeting. Titus frowned at the young warrior.

"What is the meaning of your presence?" he questioned, his hands lacing together as he examined Jayden.

"I apologise, Titus, but Wanheda is here. Gustus brings her now." He said, directing his gaze to the ground.

"You are sure it is Wanheda, Jayden kom trikru?" earning a slight nod from Jayden "Then in that case, bring her in once she arrives. I want her on full guard. She does not move a muscle against the commander. Is that understood?"

Again, all Jayden could do was nod as he watched Titus swing the doors open, interrupting whatever was occuring inside to bring the news. Gustus soon appeared with Clarke's wrists bound tightly together, her weapons now removed and hanging from his own belt. She was awake, her eyes wide open as she drank in the small amount of light which poured through the holes in the bag. Her fingers ran along the rope that bound her hands together, trying to come up with a break to break free from it.

She saw Jayden's shadow, immediately taking it as a threat, and began to struggle against Gustus. Her elbow connected with his ribs and he grunted, retaliating with twice the force. He brought his knee up and hit with a well placed kick to the stomach, knocking the air from her lungs as she slumped against Gustus. The door to the throne room opened, and Jayden grabbed one arm while his first grabbed the other as they dragged her inside.

Clarke gasped, trying to replace the absence of air in her lungs as they forced her to knees. The cold concrete flooring dug into them as she landed. She let out a slight growl in protest, but they turned deaf ears to such a thing.

"Remove the bag, Gustus." Titus ordered. That was when the bag moved to reveal the blinding light, and a shadow stood at the top of the short steps in front of her. As her eyes came to focus, Clarke began to wish all too soon that she stayed with Niylah.

"I thought I said that no harm would come to Wanheda" Lexa said as she made her way down the steps from her throne with uneasy but graceful strides. Her signature red sash flowed from her shoulder to the ground, and she rested her palm on her sheathed sword as she stared.

"Even after she handed herself in" Gustus mumbled "she did not come easy. She carried several weapons. I believe she intended to-"

Lexa raised a single hand, and silence flooded the room with her short gesture. Her gaze fell up and down Clarke, examining every cut, every bruise. Every change. She took notes of her recent changes, one being the change in her hair. Clarke met her eyes with a chilling glare.

"Remove her gag" Lexa ordered, and Jayden's long fingers swooped down and pulled the material from Clarke's mouth "I apologise for such a welcome. Know that there will be no more harsh treatment falling upon you unless you appear as a threat."

Clarke tilted her head, knowing fine well why she came in the first place. She came to be that threat. She came to see Lexa fall.

"Then why are my wrists still bound, Commander?" she scoffed. Lexa peered down at her, her hands clasped tightly behind her back. She frowned before turning to the men behind her.

"Remove her bonds" she said, pausing before adding "Then leave us"

"Heda-" Titus began to protest. To let Lexa know that this was a dangerous idea. But she didn't listen, and interrupted already knowing what was about to be said. She had heard it all too many times before.

"Remember your place fleimkepa. And remember mine. I am perfectly capable of protecting myself" She responded. Titus nodded, glaring at his feet before leaving soon after releasing Clarke's wrists. Wanheda looked over her shoulder as she heard the remaining footsteps fall behind a closed door.

She knew that she was alone with the commander, and it was her best chance at killing her. But as Lexa approached, worry evident in her eyes, something stopped her. Lexa dropped her hand down, offering it to Clarke to help her back to her feet. It was the same look of pity as the one she tried so hard to hide beneath her warpaint and commanding mask at mount weather. Clarke's eyes hardened and she stood on her own. She was left to defeat the mountain alone. Surely she could stand by herself.

"I apologise for your treatment" Lexa says, retreating her rejected hand to behind her back again "Surely your intentions weren't violent"

"Your's were" Clarke pounced on the opportunity to speak "When you sent bounty hunters out, and slaughtered innocent people to find me"

Lexa stopped mid-step as she heard the news "I do not send bounty hunters, Clarke. I send warriors. And I most definitely do not kill my own people"

"Then why did I kill two bounty hunters to protect a woman from being murdered by them?" Clarke hissed. Lexa felt the harsh tone and she turned towards the commander of death.

"Azgeda are the ones who hire bounty hunters. I simply trust my warriors well enough to do their job correctly. However Azgeda find themselves in a very different situation. I am glad you came here when you did. If your life would have fallen into the hands of Azgeda, they would have your head."

Clarke's hands balled into fists "I won't let anyone else will die for me. Even if it means they have my head."

"Nobody will have your head. I will announce that you are staying here with me as a guest, under my own protection. Any attempts on your life will be taken as a serious crime and the punishment will be death. The murders will be ceased by the Ice nation as they gain new knowledge of your whereabouts." Lexa stood tall as she watched Clarke.

"I am no guest to a woman who betrayed me, Lexa" Clarke spat "I'm simply here to stop the killing"

"And it will stop" Lexa said before calling in her men "But if you are not staying as my guest, then I have no other choice to make you stay as my prisoner"

Clarke was hoisted back once again, and she let out a growl of disapproval as she was dragged away from Lexa. She suddenly wished she had ended the commanders life while she was weak. But as Clarke was dragged through the halls, she also realised. As much as she hated to admit it, she was weak too.

"You need my help Clarke. As I need yours." She heard Lexa call as she sat back on her throne. That was when Clarke lost every strength she had used to cling to her humanity. She kicked, lashing out at the grip of the men who led her captive.

"You will never get my help again!" Clarke screamed "you back stabbing bitch!"

"Take her away!" Titus ordered "She has clearly lost her mind!"

"Why? You don't like what you see? You wanted the commander of death" she hissed "well, now you've got her"


	3. Chapter 3

Clarke sat at the bottom of her bed, the droplets of red clouded water slowly rolling down her nose and falling, landing on the ground between her feet. Her hands clenched into fists as the water poured over her head, washing away the dirt and blood from her body. It also happened to wash away the red of her hair.

After refusing fresh clothes and a chance to bathe for a week, Lexa had ordered her best maids to wash her, even if it was against her will. Although Clarke stood with her hands chained to the wall and the water showering over her head, she couldn't help but be thankful for the privacy she was given as they turned their backs to her, avoiding looking.

Clarke grunted as she looked around, not really sure what she was looking for. She took in her surroundings, and found herself hating the simplicity of the room. The surfaces of the tiles were scratched by chains from the previous victim, and the coldness of the ground bit into her bare feet. Even with the scent of the soap chosen by the maids, she could still smell the dry blood and grime.

"Am I done yet?" she said, spitting back out the water which fell into her mouth as she spoke. The maid cut off the water, stopping the slight patter of water against the skin of Clarke's back.

"It will do, Wanheda" she said quietly "I know you refuse to see the commander but-"

"But nothing. I don't care if she wants my help. She won't get it" Clarke cut her off angrily.

"Wanheda, if you do not help, I fear the commander will fall and all peace will be lost" she whispered as she draped a towel over Clarke's shoulders "I know you may not care as we are not your people. But I have children. Many people do. And they are all protected by Heda's rule"

"I'm sure your commander can manage just fine on her own" Clarke mumbled, her newly unchained hands pulling the fabric around her body and following the maid to her room again "She did just fine without me last time."

With that, the maid fell silent, handing Wanheda her clothes, which had been washed as she showered. There was a slight shake in her hands as Clarke took them, and she couldn't help but notice it. Before she could ask about it, the maid was gone, leaving her alone at her bedside. She felt that familiar rage bubble in her stomach, slowly rising. This time she had no forest leaves to look up to. No freedom to run. No. She cried out as she slammed her fist into the wall.

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Clarke sat at the bottom of her bed, glaring at the wall which she had viciously attacked over an hour ago, her jaw clenching and unclenching as she lost herself in her own thoughts. The doors unlocked, and out of the corner of her eye, she saw the commander move inside, her footsteps close to silent as she pushed her shoulders back with her hands clasped behind her back.

"I thought I said I didn't want to see you" Clarke muttered, massaging the battered and bruised skin over her knuckles.

"You cannot hide from me in my own home, Clarke. Even with your unwavering stubbornness."

"What do you want, Lexa?" she rolled her eyes.

"You know what I want" Lexa said flatly "The clans, including Azgeda, are beginning to doubt your presence here. If you do not show you are here, the killing will continue"

"If you want my help, you're going to have to beg for it" Clarke said through gritted teeth

"We both need each others help"

"Yeah" Clarke scoffed "I heard that before too"

"Do you wish to stop the murders or not, Clarke?" Lexa said, turning slightly "Or do you just want to cower inside these four walls until there are no more of my people left?"

Clarke stood to face Lexa, her face inches from the commander's "You're calling me a coward? After you ran away from the mountain?"

"It is what you are behaving like. A coward." Lexa said quietly, staring into the cerulean eyes that caught her attention so long ago with such ease "Prove to me you are not one"

Clarke snapped, and her both of her hands wrapped around the olive skin of the commander's neck in front of her. She shoved her back, forcing Lexa's back to slam into the wall behind her. Her thumb pressed harshly into her throat as she reached down and took her dagger. It hovered over the Heda's heart as she released her grip. All Lexa could do was let her do it. It never even touched her mind to fight back.

"All I could ever think about after I left my friends behind, was slitting your damn throat" Clarke choked out past the tears that now streamed freely down her cheeks "It took over my mind like a plague and I planned it all. How I'd do it. When I'd do it. How it would feel"

"Clarke..." Lexa whispered carefully, the tip of the blade slowly digging into her skin. Minuscule drops of her ink-like blood rolled down her chest before being absorbed by the fabric of her shirt.

"I didn't want it to feel like this"

"Killing me will not bring you peace that you search for" the commander said softly "But if it brings you a single moment of freedom from your demons then do it. It is my own fault that they haunt you. I know that much"

Clarkes hand shook as she listened to her words. Her strangely soothing, gentle words. The dagger slowly slipped from her hands, the clatter of the metal echoing through the room. Her heart was all over the place, driving her head to insanity. She just needed comfort. The comfort of someone who cared. Lexa sunk to one knee in front of the girl, not once breaking the eye contact she held.

"Clarke, I will not beg for your help" she whispered "Instead, I beg you to let me help you bring yourself peace. Please."

"Get up" Clarke sniffed. She didn't understand what she felt. All she did feel was her chest heave as she exhaled, watching Lexa rise to her feet. She just stared. Stared into those illuminating green eyes, which reminded her of the forest she found her escape in. "Okay"

Lexa raised her head slightly hearing Clarke speak "Will you be a guest, rather than a prisoner?"

"Yes" she whispered. Lexa watched the tears fall from her eyes, and lifted her hand. Her thumb lightly traced over Clarke's cheek, wiping away the tears.

"I never meant to turn you into this" she said. It was less than a whisper, and if Clarke hadn't have been so close, she wouldn't have heard it.

"Then why did you?" She whispered "why?"

Lexa fell silent and her eyes landed on the floor. Without a response, she moved to the door.

"I will have my maids move you and whatever things you brought to a room more suitable for a guest" She said as she opened the door "Would you care to join me in a walk? We must discuss the issues at hand"

Clarke was amazed at how quick Lexa could switch between roles of herself and Heda. In some ways it was mesmerising. In other ways, worrying. Unpredictable. She lifted the dagger and slipped it back into the sheath on the commanders hip before nodding. Lexa frowned at the contact before turning, signalling to her guard with a single hand gesture to stay where they were as the two woman walked through the corridors.

"So. Who's going to kill you and why do you need my help?"Clarke said boldly. Lexa turned her head at the sudden question.

"You are straight to the point, I see. Here I was, about to ask about your hair."

"Why would it matter? It's not red anymore after I was forced into a shower"

"Although the blood red hair was charming to your victims, I do believe you suited blonde more" Lexa said, the faintest of smirks playing on her lips. Clarke tilted her head.

"And you didn't answer my question."

"The words of Azgeda are becoming heard, Wanheda. One by one the clans are beginning to fall in line to believe that a commander from the ice nation would serve better for their people."

"And you want me to what exactly? Ask the ice nation to nicely shut up? I'm not really sure that will work well"

"I want you to be you, Clarke. The innocent people who are under my protection will fall. I have kept the clans from marching on skaikru since the alliance broke. If an ice nation commander rises to power, they will be one of the first targets." She said "Save your people once again."

"But how?" Clarke looked at her feet as she thought. Her footsteps echoed down the stairwell as they descended the steps.

"Your strategies are some of the best I have seen. You tell me"

"When is the next meeting?" Clarke rubbed her chin as she pulled together a plan.

"Tomorrow. What do you intend to do?"

"I plan to be the commander of death, Lexa. Treachery is punished by death is it not?" She frowned

"Yes. But I cannot kill any representatives as they are part of my own coalition."

"Then don't. I'll be at the meeting. You need to prove that I am on your side, and I will do the rest. If they fear me as much as I have heard, then they will certainly fall into line once they see I fight beside you" Clarke said. She looked to the side to see Lexa staring back at her.

"And do you? Fight beside me?" Her features were softened in the dim light of the flickering candles. The glow outlined the hope in her eyes.

"Not yet. But then again, Azgeda or the other clans don't know that do they?"

"What if this all goes wrong? What do we do if war breaks out?" Lexa questioned, her face hardening. Like she was hiding the hurt.

"What your clan do very well. Jus drein jus daun" (Blood must have blood)


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa sat her her elbows rested on the sides of her throne as she flipped the dagger which Clarke cut her with in her fingers. She looked comfortable amongst the finest of furs which were draped over the wood of her throne, and Clarke began to wonder what it would be like to sit there. She stood to the side of Lexa. Her hands knotted together in front of her as they both awaited the ambassadors of each clan. She was not afraid of anything going wrong. If it did, she'd find another way to dispose of the problem.

"Heda. They await outside." Titus said, bowing slightly towards her.

"Allow them entrance, Titus" she said. Clarke corrected her posture as the doors opened, straightening her back and puffing out her chest with pride. It earned a small glance from Lexa.

As each and every representative moved in and settled down into the chairs of their own clan, they exchanged glances, occassionally murmuring about Clarke's presence.

"So it is true after all. Wanheda is in Polis" A man from the far right spoke up. Clarke immediately made eye contact with him, glaring. Although, she was easily distracted by the small tattooed lines on his nose.

"Did you doubt my honesty, Uzac kom yujleda?" Lexa asked flatly. The blade paused in her hand, frozen as she waited for an answer.

"No, Heda" he said, lowering his head at the intimidation which came from the throne.

"Does anybody else doubt me?" Her eyes scanned over the 12 members. That was, until the representative of Azgeda rose from his seat.

"As a matter of fact Heda,Ice nation doubt your strength." He says as he makes his way towards the throne "you showed your weakness when you did not eliminate the enemy at mount weather"

Clarke crossed her arms, knowing this was leading exactly where she wanted it to. Lexa knew this too, and their eyes met to confirm it.

"Our commander is weak! If she runs away from a battle without ending it, why must we trust her with our lives?" He yelled as he turned to the other ambassadors.

Clarke looked to her side for the permission to speak. With a small nod, the commander granted her that permission. She clenched her teeth and stepped forward.

"Because I stand with her" Clarke said lowly "And I will fight behind her in battle."

"What makes think, that Wanheda will not betray you like you so cowardly did?" The Azgeda man said, placing a foot on the steps to the throne and leaning closer.

"I have felt my share of betrayal. In fact, I know it all too well. I have experienced it enough to know I would never want to do such a thing to anyone else. I may be the commander of death but I will always keep my word."

"And what if I say I doubt you too?" He sneered. He eyed her up and down.

"There are rules protecting you from me" Lexa said, sinking back into her chair as if it just another day. Another meeting. "However there are no rules in place to protect you from Wanheda."

The representatives shared glances with each other, weighing their options thoughtfully. Go against their commander and Wanheda. Or stand with them. The first to stand was from the boat clan.

"Lexa kom trikru, as always I stand behind you and your decisions." She said. Her frizzy hair fell over her shoulders at the sudden movement. She turned to the man behind her "Trishanakru, what is your choice?"

He too rose to his feet "Gyon op Heda!" (Long live the commander!)

The room was soon engulfed in the chant of 11 men and women. All members of the coalition other than Azgeda. He stood, eyes boring into the commanders like she was a filthy rat ready to be exterminated. He turned and directed his glare towards Clarke, who stood with her hand rested on her sword in warning. He took a step back, allowing the light to catch on his face to reveal the Azgeda scars.

"Like it or not. The commander is weak. And she will fall. Besides, I'm sure Azgeda would take better care of the throne." He spat at Clarke's feet before turning, his black cape twirling behind him as he did, and left.

"Our meeting is now complete. Any further worries will be brung forward personally to me. Thank you for your presence" Lexa said coldly.

Plenty of the representatives paused before leaving, unsure of whether or not it would be wise to speak to the commander at this time. It was funny as Clarke began to realise how each of the clans were so different. With the way they dressed, their tattoos, their warpaint, and their scars. The way they wore them represented clearly what clan they came from. She watched as the woman from the boat clan climbed the steps. Her walnut brown eyes found Clarke's for a moment.

"Wanheda en Heda kom skaikru, monin" She acknowledged, nodding her slightly in recognition of Clarke's place. (Comander of death and commander of skaikru, welcome)

"Chof. Ba ai laik nou skaikru." (Thank you. But I am not skaikru)

The woman tilted her head at the comment, but carried on "I am Luna. Kom Flokru. It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Wanheda."

"Call me Clarke" she said. The name still didn't feel right in her own ears. After all, all she wanted was peace. Not war. Not death. Lexa just sat and watched the scene play out, not wanting to interrupt.

"It must have been hard for you to irradiate mount weather. I heard that is why you left your people" Luna commented "But if it helps, you helped save 300 of my people. Eliminating the threat means you have saved those that were yet to be taken"

"I've heard it all before." Clarke said quietly "It doesn't change the fact that I killed innocent people. I killed people who helped us."

"When it comes down to it, those children would grow up to be like their parents who took us in the first place. None of them were innocent-"

"Luna do you wish to speak with me?" Lexa interrupted.

"Ah. I was going to ask you if we had reestablished an alliance with the sky people. However, I recognise that Clarke is no longer skaikru"

"No, we have not." Lexa laced her hands together "I do not see Skaikru giving their trust to us to maintain an alliance any time soon..."

"I'll see what I can do" Clarke said, taking both of the leaders by surprise.

"Are you implying you go back to Arkadia?" Luna questioned "I have heard you have not been there in-"

"95 five days today. And I'm not going back." She said, earning a confused look on Lexa's face "We are"

"Im sorry, but you are implying you take Heda from her people, and lead her into a possibly hostile environment of your own people? The commander may trust you enough with this. But I am afraid I do not" Luna said at the idea.

"Then you are welcome to join us, Luna" The commander rose from her throne "However, I will leave with or without you."

"Heda..."

"Do not attempt to direct my actions, Luna. Do not forget. You lead the boat clan. I lead all 12 clans. And that includes you."

Luna sighed and looked at Clarke "I give you my trust like the commander gave you hers. Do not betray it."

"If I wanted the commander dead, she would be dead" Clarke said. I'm actual fact, not long ago, she did want the commander dead. But there was something in the back of her mind that stopped her. Lexa looked down at her feet, trying to ignore what had happened earlier. But she couldn't. All she could remember was the hurt in Clarke's eyes as she held the dagger in her shaking hands.

"Spread the word. We leave in an hour" Lexa said quietly. Luna studied the commander, knowing there was something different about her. Considering they had grown up training in each other's shadow to become Heda, she had seen Lexa in every state she thought she could. She had seen her rage. Her guiltiness. Her love. Her fear and even her grief. But she never thought she would see them again. Clearly, Luna was wrong.

"I'll find your best guards" Luna bowed

"Bring Gustus and Jayden" Lexa commanded.

"Why?"

"Jayden is Gustus's second. I wish to see how well his training has payed him."

"But now? This is dangerous Heda, there are other times for that"

"Just do it!" Lexa yelled. She was growing agitated at the amount of times her people questioned her actions. Even the people who trusted her were beginning to do the same. Every single one but...

"This could work. I just need you to work with it" Clarke said as she glared at Luna. In response, the leader of the boat clan nodded her head in understanding before leaving to find Gustus and Jayden. Clarke came up and leaned against the arm of Lexa's throne, looking down on the commander. It wasn't often anybody even came near the throne. It was mostly seen as a threat. But that was not on Lexa's mind as she looked up at the blonde haired girl.

"She fears your people will not take it kindly when you return to their gates by my side" She said quietly.

"The way I see it, you will be by my side" Clarke said. She still didn't trust the commander, but there was still a sudden urge to just drop everything that she had done and trust her again. She scoffed as she moved away.

"Any ideas on how I can find solace from my nightmares, commander kom chilnes?" (commander of peace)

"No Clarke, only you can figure out how to do such a thing. However, I will help you deliver it."

"Well, how do you move on from killing innocent people on a battlefield?" Clarke questioned.

"I do not. As commander, I shall never find peace" She said as she crossed the room towards the door.

Clarke began to follow "My ass" She muttered under her breath in doubt. There was no way Lexa felt for those people. She never showed a single feeling for those people.


	5. Chapter 5

The rain fell heavily against the thin aspen leaves before dropping to the cleared forest pathways. The hooves of their horses sunk into the mud, the thick brown paste suctioning weakly, attempting to hold the powerful horse in place. Clarke gripped the reigns tightly in her fists as her horse trotted beside Lexa's.

Clarke glanced over at the commander, who was clearly not put off her course by a cloud of rain. She was settled in the saddle of her horse, one hand holding the reigns while the other rested in its own slumber on her thigh. Droplets of water rolled down her forehead, travelling onto her freshly painted iconic warpaint. The black paint brought out the true nature of her eye colour, which matched the vibrant damp leaves that they were surrounded by. Behind her, Jayden was hunched over slightly to protect himself from the rain. Gustus leaned over, bringing his hand to the back of the young man's head.

"Sit up, boy. Do not fear a little bit of water. There are worse things out there" Gustus instructed. Jayden immediately sat up, slightly embarrassed of being scolded in front of his commander. He shuffled uncomfortably in his saddle.

"How much further, Wanheda?" Luna asked, her impatience growing as the rain got heavier.

"We arrive when we arrive, Luna. I thought Anya taught us well about the dangers of impatience." Lexa said. Her voice made everyone else's seem like background noises as she spoke.

"Yes Heda." Luna looked at Clarke "However, may I ask what your plan is exactly, Clarke?"

Clarke looked down at her cold, shaking hands. The coldness of the rain was starting to take its toll on her fingers. Lexa's eyes lingered over Clarke, recognising her discomfort.

"We go inside. I talk to my mother. No doubt she will still be in charge."

"And what if she is not?"

"Then Marcus will be" Clarke said quietly. It was true. The two of them had been passing the chancellor badge between them since they had reached the ground. It worked, but it was also unpredictable. She cupped her hands, still holding the leather reigns, and blew into them to heat them up. Lexa frowned.

"Here" The commander said as she slipped off her gloves, holding them out to Clarke, who looked at her questioningly "It appears that if you go any longer without warming your hands up, soon you won't be able to hold onto the reigns."

Clarke hesitantly reached out, taking the gloves from the Heda, who watched as she slid the gloves onto her hands. The worn black leather material was still warm from Lexa's own hands, heating up her glacial fingers. The commander's fingers were a lot longer than her own, and she frowned at the extra length left at the ends of gloves.

"Thank you" she said quietly. Lexa nodded in return, her face softening as she looked ahead. There was no denying how much more relaxed she was, surrounded by nature as they made their journey. It was understandable though, as she was trikru. She grew up in these forests.

Clarke lifted her head as the glint of the metal gates to Arkadia caught her attention. The camp had certainly changed. But not too much. The walls had been built higher, the electrified wires surrounding it doubling in numbers. She could see the watch towers from the inside. It looked larger in the looming fresh shadows of the approaching night.

"Get behind me. If things go wrong, go. Okay?" Clarke said. The commander and Luna nodded, pulling their horses into a slow pace behind Clarke as they approached.

A flood light landed directly on Clarke, engulfing her in the blinding white light which she hated. She had always found it too unnatural.

"Who are you? What is your business here?" She heard a voice call. She squinted her eyes to find the source, lifting her hand to block the light.

"My name is Clarke Griffin!" She yelled.

"Clarke?"

The floodlights turned off once again, and there was movement behind the gates before they began to creak, sliding open.

"Kane" Clarke said as she slid off her horse, approaching him. Ever since they got to the ground he had supported her choices, understood them. If there was anyone in this camp, Kane was the one she trusted most. There was no doubt that Kane had developed a father role to Clarke, and he didn't mind it at all.

"We looked for you" he said as he pulled her into a tight hug.

"I know" she whispered "I had some help from a trader"

"What are you doing here?" He asked softly. His eyes landed on the shadows of those who came with Clarke "Were you followed?"

"We need to talk" she broke away from Marcus's welcoming arms. He moved his hand down to rest it on his gun, his eyes narrowing.

"Who are you?" He questioned. Lexa and Luna shared a glance before dropping from their horses, moving closer. Kane took a step back as he recognised the commander.

"As Clarke said" Lexa said, her eyes lingering on Marcus's hand as he grasped the gun in his belt "we must talk."

Kane turned to Clarke, confusion in his eyes. He was more than happy to accept communication with the grounders again, but he had never expected Clarke to.

"Alright. I'll set up a meeting with Abby. Let her know you're here."

"Thank you Marcus"

"Come with me. I'm sure your guests, although welcomed by both of us, will not be liked by some of the others in the camp. You're lucky I was on watch"

Lexa frowned "I do not understand, I have left your people alone purposely."

"You also left them alone at mount weather" Kane pointed out "Some of them were close to those who died inside mount weather"

"But I was the one who irradiated level 5" Clarke frowned "surely they would hate me more than Lexa."

"They do" was all Marcus said as he lead them into the ark. Clearly, the grounders weren't used to walking on metal floors as their footsteps were considerably louder than usual. Marcus looked around "hurry and go to the meeting room. I'll find your mother. Surely you will want your friends to be there too."

Clarke just nodded as she opened the door to the room, holding it open for the four people who came with her. Luna pushed her way in, finding herself a chair and making herself comfortable in it.

"If they hate you more than the commander, how on earth are you going to manage to get an alliance?" Luna demanded to know. She was on edge with Clarke, not giving her trust even if it would save her life. She was usually a lot kinder.

"Because my mother is the chancellor. Besides, I once lead these people. A lot of them still trust me."

"Clarke" Lexa said quietly. She was examining papers left on the corner of the room. She frowned at the writing on the map "what does this say?"

Clarke found herself by Lexa's side, looking down at the map "you can't read?"

"We read and write in trigedaselng. English is only spoken" Lexa said "now what does it say?"

Clarke frowned at the highlighted area "it says sector 7"

"That is trikru land. Why are our villages marked?" She frowned. Every village in 'sector 7' had been circled with red ink. Clarke recognised one as TonDC. It was the only village on the map that wasn't circled.

"I don't know" Clarke frowned.

"Perhaps it is a battle plan?"

"If it is, I'll find out" she said as the door clicked open.

"Clarke" Said Abby as she slid though the door. She seemed angry. It was the complete opposite to what Clarke was expecting. She had thought of something more along the lines of an exchanged smile and a shared hug. Not this.

"Mom..." Clarke began

"Clarke!" Raven pushed passed Abby and waddled over, the leg brace squeaking every now and then with her movements. Clarke couldn't help but feel sorry for the girl. Maybe if she had tried a little more, made Raven her priority rather than burning 300 of Lexa's warriors alive, maybe she would have saved her leg. Raven enveloped the blonde in a tight hug, partly clinging to the girl for support.

"Hey" Clarke said smiling. This was the welcome she expected.

"I can't believe you left without saying goodbye" Raven complained "I would've came with you, dumbass"

"No. You wouldn't" Abby said and crossed her arms. As a result, Raven let go of Clarke and placed her hands on her hips, glaring at Abby.

"Excuse me?" She said, looking her up and down.

"As your doctor, I would never let you leave. And as your chancellor, I wouldn't have allowed you to leave. Especially if you would end up with the grounders." Abby said.

"Let me tell you Abby" Raven said and stepped closer to the chancellor "I think you forget. Who did you send down first? The 100. Clarke was one of the first to touch this ground, and she led the 100 better than you ever would. So forgive me for expressing where my loyalties lie"

"Your loyalties will lie to whoever is chancellor. And that is me." Abby said.

"No. You're my doctor. Clarke is my leader." Raven said. Lexa and Luna exchanged glances. Their own people would never treat leaders in such a way, considering there would be extreme punishments to such a thing. But they were impressed. Impressed at how loyal Clarke's people were to her.

"That's not why we're here" Clarke said as she crossed between them. "we can deal with that later. Where is Bellamy?"

Kane sat down at the table, earning a wary glance from Luna as he took a seat in front of her. "Clarke, Jasper hasn't been doing so well. He cant be left alone. Bellamy is with him, making sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Clarke's heart stuttered. It was her fault that Jasper was in such a bad state. She killed the woman who had his heart. "And Octavia?" She asked, trying to move on.

"With Lincoln, hunting." He said "she should return later. Now, what is it we need to discuss?"

"Whatever it is, we need to talk about it now. I want to know exactly why the commander is in my meeting room" Abby said. Jayden and Gustus stood behind Lexa, backs straight and their arms stretched behind their backs, ready to protect their Heda. Although, Jayden couldn't help his eyes from wondering, staring at the metal wrapped around Raven's leg. He couldn't help but wonder how a person could stay so strong and confident without falling apart from such a lingering, tormenting wound. His eyes met Raven's, forcing him to look away.

Clarke sighed as she looked at her mother. Her mother, who she killed hundreds of people to save. Her mother, who could only look at her in disgust.

"We need to form another alliance"


	6. Chapter 6

"Are you out of your mind?" Abby yelled, slamming her hand on the table. Abby had been completely understanding of Clarke before she left, but now. Now she didn't trust her at all.

"No! I'm trying to do what's best for all of us!"

"And how is that? Clarke, you've been gone! But now you come back? With the commander? With the grounders?"

"I came back to help you. I didn't want to come back at all. Would you prefer it if we died?"

"Of course not. But you can't just come back and take control whenever you feel like it." Abby said "There is no way we are forming another alliance."

The others in the room simply watched and waited for their arguing to end. Lexa had now found a seat beside Luna, and they both discussed benefits of an alliance with hushed voices. Raven leant against the table, her arms crossed as she attempted to keep her mouth shut.

"There is no way you're going to stop me" Clarke glared at her mother "you may be chancellor but I'm in charge."

"That's what you said last time too" Abby glared back into her daughters eyes. Jayden felt uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do other than stand and stare at the floor in front of him. His fingers gripped his spear loosely as he exchanged small glances with Raven. Gustus smacked him over the head and he directed his gaze back down.

"I am growing tired of your arguments" Luna interrupted "You will need this alliance, or Azgeda will rule over you, and the rest of us too."

"What's so wrong with Azgeda? Clearly your people need a new ruler" Abby glared. Gustus immediately raised his voice.

"Lexa kom trikru is the greatest commander to have ever lived. The peace she created will fall along with her"

"That's what you call it?"

"Alright that's it." Luna stood, grabbing Abby and shoving her into a seat, her hands fixed tightly onto her shoulders to keep her seated "you are going to sit, and listen. Nothing more, nothing less. Is that understood?"

"This is-"

"Abby just listen for gods sake! I have things to do!" Raven exclaimed, throwing her hands up in anger before signalling to Jayden "even the grounder guy over there looks bored out of his mind!"

Jayden immediately stood up straight before Gustus could look at him. Lexa raised an eyebrow at the young man before looking back to Abby. The room was silent until Lexa spoke.

"You are afraid" Lexa pointed out as she rested her hands on the table in front of her "it is understandable"

"I'm not afraid" Abby hissed

"Of course not" Lexa said sarcastically "what we need to focus on right now, is what will happen if we do not make an alliance"

"Which is?"

"Your people will fall. So will mine. Azgeda are ruthless, heartless. If you believe me to be cruel, an encounter with the Ice nation will certainly change your mind. They wish to control. Corrupt."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"If I die, Azgeda will take my place as commander. They will kill anyone who has more power than them. Your technology is the most powerful weapon known to the 12 clans. Once I fall, their first move would be to eliminate that weapon."

"It's not our problem that you have the Ice nation wanting you dead. It is you who rules the coalition" Abby crossed her arms

"It will be your problem when you have 12 clans surrounding your camp ready to attack" Lexa snapped back "I do not care if I die. It is my fate to do so. But I will not let my position fall into the hands of an azgeda."

Clarke looked over at Lexa. Even if she didn't want to, she admired Lexa for what she was. She was completely, and wholeheartedly selfless. Every move she made was for each life behind the walls of Polis, and every clan under her command. She didn't care what the cost was.

"If Heda falls, nobody will be safe" Jayden raised his voice. Gustus moved to silence his second, but Lexa raised her hand, allowing him to speak.

"You have no place to speak" Luna began.

"Let him" Lexa interrupted and looked back at Jayden "speak"

"Everyone is protected by the peace Heda has brought. If she dies so does the peace. I have a little sister at home. If my commander dies, Ice nation will show no mercy towards her"

Clarke's heart wrenched at the idea of a little girl being ripped from the young man's arms, taken away. She looked down.

"We can't deal with another war" she said as she looked across at Abby "I can't handle any more life being lost"

"But what you want. That is war."

"No. It's preventing it. Once Ice nation falls back, there will be no threat of war."

"Clarke-"

"I think we should do it" Raven said and placed a hand on Jayden's shoulder "I'm with Clarke. I can't let anyone else die"

"Then it is decided" Kane said as he eyes Lexa "I truly hope this alliance will be different. For everyone's sake"

Lexa kept her eyes fixed on Marcus. She nodded a small agreement. "As do I"

Abby pushed herself to her feet, shrugging off Luna's hands "fine" she said and looked at Lexa "but if you betray us again-"

"She won't" Clarke said quietly, glancing at the commander. She knew she wouldn't. She couldn't.

"We will work together" Lexa straightened herself, her back falling into a perfect line, and her hand rested on the hilt of her sword "no more betrayal."

"Alright..." Abby stared at her a moment before extending her arm to shake her hand. Lexa took her by surprise as she grasped her forearm in a grounder hand shake. The two leaders clearly hadn't came across the different greetings of their people.

"Do you intend to stay?" Abby asked. Lexa looked around for a moment, examining the metal box of a room they were in. She didn't like it, not in the slightest. Clarke could tell by the look on her face.

"It is unwise to sleep here. It is dangerous." Luna frowned at the chancellor.

"Luna, an alliance is built on the foundations of trust, is it not?" Lexa questioned, turning to the leader of the boat clan.

"Yes, but..."

"Then we rest here. We shall make improved plans tomorrow, when we are well rested" Lexa said "Unless skaikru wish us to set up camp outside the gates."

Clarke looked at her mother expectantly. The truth was, even though she hated the commander, she wanted to stay inside the ark. Where it was safer. She found herself softening for her, and becoming Clarke again, rather than Wanheda.

"You can stay here. There are spare rooms on the east side of the ark. I'm sure Raven can show you to them." Abby said as she nodded her head slightly in respect of the commander.

"Thank you, chancellor Griffin" she said. Raven dropped her lingering hand from Jayden's shoulder, and walked towards the door slowly, her leg brace squeaking. It alerted everyone of her movement.

"Oh how I love being permanently disabled" Raven mumbled "come on, let me take you to your rooms"

Clarke frowned in pity of Raven. The way she slumped with each step, consuming way too much effort and energy. She couldn't help but feel guilty for Raven's injury.

"Raven, I'll take them. You go get some rest alright?" Clarke said softly. Lexa watched from beside Gustus.

"I got this Clarke" Raven protested.

"Raven, you look so tired you could collapse. Go get some rest. I'm sure falling asleep at work wth explosives in your hand is not a smart thing to do." Clarke said. The young mechanic stared at her for a minute before squeezing her shoulder.

"Thanks, Griffin" she smirked before turning left from the door, heading into the darkness of the corridors. Clarke couldn't help but notice the look Raven and Jayden exchanged before the young girl left.

"Well, lets go then" Clarke said, walking down the opposite pathway to the one Raven had gone down. The grounders walked behind her. Clearly, they didn't have as much experience walking on metal as they did walking on leaves, and their footsteps echoed loudly through the ark. It was a contrast to Clarke's own quiet steps.

"Everything looks the same" Luna commented "all metal. Where did you retrieve such a mass of material?"

"I don't know. This ship is older than me" Clarke said. Something about the casual conversations made her more comfortable around the grounders.

"How did you keep such weight in the air?" Luna asked. She was curious. There was no doubt about it. But in all honesty, Clarke was not the one to ask about it.

"Raven is the one you should ask" Clarke said as they turned the corner "here we are."

"Commander, take the furthest room" Gustus instructed "incase we are attacked."

Lexa paused and looked at Clarke. She tightened her jaw "I shall take the closest room." She said "as I said, an alliance is built on the foundations of trust. Everyone rest. I must speak to Wanheda"

The loyal grounders nodded and listened to their commander, each one finding a room and disappearing behind the door. Each one but Luna, who lingered in the doorway.

"Commander. I am aware of your thoughts. But this is dangerous." Luna said "I do not trust skaikru"

"Then in that case, trust Clarke" Lexa said to the other girl, who stared at Clarke before nodding.

"Yes, Heda" she said through gritted teeth before she closed the door behind her.

The silence engulfed both Lexa and Clarke, and for a moment, they both just stared at each other, green eyes meeting blue, like when the forest meets the sky once the sun rises again. Like when the leaves welcome the bright colours surrounding the sun after a long night of darkness.

"This isn't who you wish to be" Lexa said quietly "it is not who you are."

"I don't know what you mean"

Lexa leant back against her door, watching the young blonde "I can see it. Behind the confident walk and the fake smile. You don't want to be Wanheda. You don't want to be the one to protect your people."

"Why would that matter to you anyway?" Clarke spat "it's not like you cared last time"

"Clarke, you protect your people because you are the best at doing it. It hurts. I know. The constant weight you carry, the weight of all those bodies on your back. I feel it too." Lexa said softly, her gaze directed to the floor "just don't let your legs give out, Clarke."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, Clarke, that you need to stay strong for your people, no matter how much you want to give in" Lexa whispered "A life taken for a life, is only worth it if you keep the life you took"

Clarke stood baffled at her words, confused as to what the commander even meant. Lexa nodded her head slightly before disappearing behind the door, and left Clarke alone in the dark, her mind trailing endlessly over the words that could have meant so much, but didn't mean a thing.


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke ran through the forest, her pursuers stalking her, their immense speed causing their bodies to catch up with her own. She let out harsh pants, trying to refill her lungs with the air she longed for. Her legs ached. Every beat her heart gave out echoed in her ears, thumping violently. She felt those who chased her grab her, their hands ripping at the fabrics of her shirt, gripping her in an iron-like hold. She felt her body connect with the ground as they tackled her down, the weight of her enemies crushing down on her. The dagger drawn glinted in the sunlight as they slashed down at her.

Clarke jolted awake, her legs tangled in the covers of her bed as she pushed herself from the bed, kicking roughly in her wave of sudden panic. She still tried to catch her breath from running, even if it was just a nightmare.

She untangled her legs and pushed herself from the mattress, the bare bottoms of her feet padding against the metal floor as she moved across her room, dressing.

It was late morning, and Clarke could see the light flooding through from under her door. No doubt the grounders would have been awake. What they were doing though, was left a mystery.

Clarke tugged on her clothes, eyes lingering on the messy bed. She couldn't remember the last time she had a comfortable night's sleep there. She spent her nights worried about her father in that bed, terrified to fall asleep in case she woke up to find him gone. The rest of her nights were spent in the cells of the Ark, drawing on the walls, the floors, the door.

Her own door squeaked open as she pushed it, making her way down the corridor. Her feet thumped down the steps of the ark as she made her way into the warm air of a new day. Outside, she found their guests doing what they do best. Training.

Jayden and Gustus fought, the larger man occasionally murmuring instructions to his second as he taught him. Then there were Luna and Lexa.

The commander was stripped from her armour in the sweltering heat of the sun, and instead was only dressed in what was considered 'normal' clothes to the grounders. Luna swung her sword over her shoulder which was blocked by the small raise of Lexa's blade. They slashed back and forth, and Clarke found herself completely lost in the pure agility of the commander. The way she dipped and dodged the sharp metal. The way she blocked the hits, the muscle in her arms flexing under the sweat coated tanned skin.

"I must admit, although I have seen grounders train before. It is impressive. Isn't it?" Marcus said from beside Clarke. All she could do was nod. The commander's eyes found her own, and her defences faltered slightly at the sight of the blonde girl. She blocked a swipe of Luna's sword last minute.

"Clarke!" Octavia yelled, pushing past Kane and tugging her into a rough hug "I thought you were dead. No offence"

"None taken"

"Where did you go?" Octavia frowned "Everyone was worried about you, you know"

"I know" Clarke peered behind her friend, looking for the taller shadow of Octavia which was Lincoln "where's Lincoln?"

"Oh he took the fresh kills from our hunt to the kitchen." She paused for a minute "I heard about the new alliance."

"Yeah" Clarke kicked a small pebble. The dust of the dry dirt followed it in a rush.

"We really doing this again?" Octavia frowned, only to receive another small 'yeah' from Clarke "alright then. I'm with you."

This took her by surprise. Not only had Raven sided with Clarke without hesitation, but now so has Octavia. She began to think this wouldn't be as hard as she thought.

"I could definately welcome some of these grounders here to train more often" Raven muttered under her breath as she joined them, standing by Octavia's side, gazing over her Clarke's shoulder.

With the commander's permission, Gustus and Jayden had removed their shirts, giving into their need for cool air and exposing their sweat coated, inked skin. Raven smirked and looked at Clarke.

"The big guy is way too old for me. But the smaller one, Jayden is his name...?" Raven puffed out a breath "hot damn... I could just imagine touching that-"

Octavia slapped Raven over the head, earning a small yelp from the mechanic.

"What? I'm allowed to look aren't I? After all, they're outside my home" Raven snickered

"Shut up" Clarke whispered quickly. The commander's eyes were fixed on the three girls, catching onto what they were talking about. Her eyes followed Raven's to Jayden's bare back.

"Oh shit..." Raven said quietly as Lexa instructed something in trigedasleng.

"Nice one, Rae" Octavia said as Jayden replaced the fabrics back onto his back. Raven rolled her eyes and slipped away as the commander strode towards them, the small beads of sweat dripping down the side of her face.

"Drooling over my men as they train distracts them, Clarke" Lexa said. The jealously was evident, even when she tried hiding it behind a commanding tone.

"It wasn't me drooling, commander. That was Raven." Clarke shoved her hands in her pockets and staring back at Lexa. The feeling of the commander's lips against her own lingered, the light press of affection transforming into something different. Into anger."Besides, I'm sure a relationship between a Sky person and a grounder would not be accepted. Don't you think?"

Lexa tilted her chin up only slightly, almost feeling the direct blow from Clarke. She straightened her back, her jaw clenched tightly shut as she ignored it. "I agree, Clarke" she said quietly, tilting her head to the side "I'm sure that would end terribly"

"It would, yes" Clarke narrowed her eyes at her. She remembered how it ended at the mountain. How it ended terribly. Octavia looked between the two leaders, her eyes begging for them to split apart and walk away to free her from the awkwardness.

The commander spun on her heels and walked back to Luna to continued her training. Her knuckles turned white around her sword as she walked.

"Ouch..." Octavia commented, raising one eyebrow to Clarke.

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Lexa spoke with Clarke and Abby about their plans whilst the others were still outside. Lexa's nails tapped against the metal table as she grew impatient awaiting for their decisions. Clarke realised that Lexa wasn't used to negotiating plans. She only made them and distributed them, and that was final. Now, she couldn't make an independent decision, and all she could do was try persuade them as much as possible.

"Your people will be safe. Uniting our clans will bring them security, especially over the cold times of winter" Lexa mentioned

"Okay, so what do we do once we've joined? What do we do about Azgeda?" Abby questioned, not ready to give in until every detail was marked in her brain.

"We wait for them to attack. Azgeda crave your weapons. It would be easy for them to take them from you if you are without protection. Once they take them over, they can attack Polis" Lexa frowned "I gave up my entire life up to ensure peace was brought to the people of Polis. I will not let your weapons fall into the wrong hands"

"A life taken for a life, is only worth it if you keep the life you took" Lexa's hushed voice echoed through Clarke's mind. Perhaps this is what she meant, as she stood in the looming shadows, speaking in a code that Clarke had to figure out on her own. Maybe the commander meant that they had to keep those that they saved alive, otherwise, the lives of those they sacrificed to bring them back would have been wasted. Clarke glared at her feet.

"What do you suggest?" Abby questioned. Clarke stayed silent, waiting eagerly to find a single flaw in their future plan.

"We wait until dark. Take any powerful weapons from Arkadia and hide them in Polis. The Ice nation will believe they are still here. Once they attack to find nothing, we can attack with twice the force." Lexa set her jaw.

"You want us to give you our weapons?" Clarke raised her eyebrows "what about the Azgeda members that are still in Polis?"

"They will have been removed. Once tensions grow high between clans, they are removed to keep the peace. Although Azgeda are still part of the coalition, they have retired to their home until matters are solved"

Clarke frowned. It was their best option. The only other way would be to destroy their own weapons. But then again, that would leave them powerless. Defenceless.

"What makes you think we can trust you, commander?" Abby crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows at the young leader.

"Because I crave the same peace you do" Heda responded. And like that, Abby was on her side. Abby was with her in her plan.

"I'll get Raven to make sure every flammable substances, missile launch codes, everything powerful is locked up and ready for transport" Clarke's mother said

"Wait. We would be leaving the camp defenceless..." Clarke said quickly "people could die"

"I will arrange an army to camp outside of your gates. Any attackers will be taken down before they can even penetrate the walls of Arkadia"

"And if they get past your army?" Clarke countered. She wanted to make sure nothing could go wrong. Nothing. Enough had already gone wrong for her, and she didn't want any more blood on her hands.

"Then the remaining survivors will be picked off by your own people" Lexa said.

"Then it's settled. We leave tonight" Abby shared a look with her daughter before continuing "we will bring Raven, because she knows the most about our weapons. She will be able to make sure nothing goes wrong. Octavia and Lincoln will also follow as protection. Just in case"

"Lincoln is not respected by my people" The commander straightened her gaze "he is seen as a traitor"

"Then it's a good job he is one of us now, isn't it?" Abby said. Lexa rose to her feet, the slightest hint of anger in her expression as she takes in Abby's words.

"Indeed" she said. Clarke began to wonder how the commander could hide her emotions so well, and how she could power through her work as if she doesn't have blood on her hands. She wanted so desperately to give in, to ask her, to let her teach her how. But Clarke was stubborn, unforgiving, cold hearted.

Her mind trailed back to who she was as she first hit the ground. Her mind racing, planning ten steps ahead to ensure the safety of others, all the while having smile painted on her lips, her skin a clear canvas. Now, her canvas was marked with use, and the fresh delicate paint was smudged into a harsh frown.


	8. Chapter 8

Considering Lexa held a large amount of authority and respect, it didn't stop her from being helpful. Especially to those who needed her help. Although Clarke still hated her guts, still believed Lexa to be selfish and completely cold hearted, she couldn't help but admire her as she watched from atop of her horse from a distance. 

The young leader took Raven's bags from her, placing them in the back of a makeshift cart which was crafted in a short amount of time by Jayden and Gustus. Raven struggled to carry her stuff, limping through the fresh mud which lay on the grounds of Arkadia. It was clear that Lexa had saw her struggle and came to her aid.

As she dropped the last of Raven's items in the cart, she turned, the dim light from the moon hitting every edge of her face, highlighting every dip, every curve. Clarke watched as the muscles in her jaw tensed, her face hardening when a sky person approached her.

"Where the hell are you going?" He yelled. His voice boomed through the entirety of Arkadia. There was no doubt that it echoed through the woods not far from them either. It wasn't the fear that her own people would hear that bothered her. It was the fear of Azgeda hearing which stirred worry in the pit of her stomach.

"Keep your voice down!" Raven hissed. He turned and glared.

"No! Our people deserve to know you are leaving us defenceless!" He exclaimed. His dark eyes clung to Lexa's bright ones, which almost glowed in their unique shade.

"And who are you, Sky person?" Lexa said, her voice calm, undeniably sensible given the circumstances she was being put in.

"My name is Charles Pike. Leader of Farm Station. And while you are amongst my people, leader of you too" he said through gritted teeth. This caused Lexa's eyes to snap back up from her nails which she had recently focused on. Her stare looked like it could pierce through mountains, sharper than her own blade.

"Well, Pike, tell me. Were you afraid when I threatened war upon your people?" She asked. The man before her stayed silent. He had no comment on this, especially since he wasn't even there. Lexa continued "were you worried when Clarke and I settled our conflict with an alliance?"

"If I had been there, I would have killed you before you had the chance to save yourself" he growled. Lexa simply sighed and tucked her hands behind her back, clasping them loosely.

"Precisely, Pike. You were not there. For any of it. As it seems, you have just arrived, therefore, you have no authority. Clarke has the authority here, and if not Clarke, then Abby kom Skaikru. With another alliance arranged, I will not hesitate to aid in any rebellions you and your people may attempt to rise. My peacekeepers will put you back in your place." She said simply "And if you do not recognise yourself as Skaikru, then Farm station itself will form its own clan. Certainly a clan which will not be welcomed by my own clan. Is that understood?"

"You never welcomed us. As soon as you landed you were mowing is down. With your ridiculous white face paint and your primitive spears-"

"The Azgeda are the only clan to wear white face paint. You landed in the territory of a very hostile nation" Lexa said "And they are very close to beginning a war with me. Not all of us are the same"

"Grounders are grounders, commander. You're all guilty." Pike argued back. Lexa weaved her way through the horses with Charles Pike hot on her heels, eager to argue with her. Eager to fight her. Eager to kill her.

"Believe what you must Charles, however, make your choices wise ones." She tugged herself up onto the horse beside Clarke's "a false one shall result in the most unfortunate ending"

With that, Pike disappeared back to the Ark, the heels of his boots sinking into the mud as he trudged back, the small suctioning sound of his feet becoming almost painful. Clarke and Lexa exchanged glances as Jayden removed himself from his horse.

"Pike was a teacher on the Ark, you know" Clarke said quietly, as the two watched Jayden crossing over to Raven. He extended a hand to her "He taught us earth survival skills. He was a harsh teacher."

Lexa's eyes followed Jayden as he gripped Raven's hand, lifting her onto a horse with ease "yes?" Lexa questioned, expecting more from Clarke's story, which was certainly delivered.

"He taught us how to stick up for each other. Work together. Although the way he did it... it was inhumane." Clarke shook her head "He attacked John Murphy, taking him down and spilling half of his blood across farm station. We all chipped in to stop him" 

Lexa turned away from Raven, who sat breathlessly atop of her horse, hand clutching her paralysed leg as she hissed, and looked at Clarke, frowning as she listened.

"I stopped turning up to lessons after that. I learnt what I needed to through books, and spent time with my friend Wells, teaching each other instead. The way he acted... he didn't care about what was right. He didn't care about how it would effect Murphy. He just did it."

The commander glanced over her shoulder to the door that Pike had disappeared behind, her jaw clenching. "Some people do not believe in doing what is right. Their need for power can grow stronger in them. That is what happened with the Ice queen. That is what happening with Pike"

"How do you know?"

"His eyes" Lexa faced forward again, her eyes trained on the opening gates of Arkadia ahead of them "it is easy to see ones needs and desires if you look close enough into their eyes. Some are difficult to find. Whilst others... their eyes swim with the need for power." 

"It's not the only thing you can find in someone's eyes either" Clarke said. She hoped Lexa would turn to glance at her again. Let her see every single thing the commander bottled up, let her see through the bars of the prison where she held her feelings, let her breathe in the freedom from the green of the trees which swayed in her eyes. But it was like she knew, and she kept her eyes fixed straight ahead.

"Funnily enough Clarke, if you don't stop yapping on, you'll find my damn fingers in your eyes if we don't leave soon" Raven complained. It was obvious she was eager to move ahead, and see Polis and the grounders for who they really were. In all honesty, Clarke was eager too. She wanted to return and visit the streets and alleyways she was yet to explore. She wanted to trace every step with a pencil. She wanted to paint every peace riddled face.

"Oso ban op nau! gustus, kep in goch op kom gon kom behind. Luna, stay kom Abbi kom Skaikru gon don ban au." Lexa commanded, her tone ordering the attention of every person. (We leave now! gustus, keep guard of the weapons from behind. The luna, stay with Abby of the Sky People to the left)

It would help though, Clarke thought, if she could understand what she was saying. She frowned as the grounders followed their commander's orders without hesitation.

"En ai, Heda?" Jayden questioned. (And I, Commander?)

"kamp raun gon Reivon, en stay raun ait side. Yu souda na der gon protect em ena" (stay close to Raven, and stay on the right side. You must be there to protect her well)

"Sha, Heda" Jayden nodded his head, motioning for Raven to follow him on her horse. (Yes, commander)

Monty sat, wedged between the weapons with his hand grasping the cold metal of a gun. His fingers ghosted over the trigger as his eyes followed every movement. Octavia and Lincoln both pulled the cart with their own horses. Kane approached them cautiously. 

"Be safe. Monty and I ran through the maps. In a few hours it should be safe enough for you to stop and rest, as there is no need for Azgeda warriors to be that far East..." he said. It sounded like he and Monty had spent a lot of time making sure it would be safe.

"We are well aware of where safeties lie, Kane. Do not worry, we will return soon with the peace you desire." Lexa nodded at the temporary chancellor of Arkadia, who offered a slightly more awkward nod in return. 

"See you soon" he said softly to Clarke, and shared a similar farewell with Abby, before turning and shifting behind the gates of their camp, allowing them to close. The group of travellers all shared a determined, brave Look before beginning their trek into the forest, making their way to the grounder's Capitol.

Raven couldn't help but let the corners of her mouth twitch into a small, reserved smile as Jayden helped steady her on her horse.


	9. Chapter 9

The flame of the fire had faded from a heated blaze which they had cooked their food on, to a small, calming flicker every now and then. Clarke was greatful for it though, as the smaller flames casted less shadows than before.

Around her, heavy breaths escaped from the other bodies as they slept. To the side, Lincoln lay behind Octavia, his arm drooped over her waist and his face buried in the softness of her hair. The space behind Clarke was cold.

She lay with her eyes closed, merely pretending that sleep had overtaken her. It fooled Jayden who had taken watch for the night, sitting slumped against the tree with his sword drawn and his eyes fixed on every movement. Raven lay at his feet, lips slightly parted as she rested. The tug of sleep began to pull at Clarke.

"You like her don't you?" Clarke almost jolted as she heard the small whisper of the commander.

"She is impressive in what she does-" Jayden began. Clarke didn't need to open her eyes to see the panic on his face.

"That is not what I mean. We both know what I really mean, Jayden" Lexa's voice was surprisingly soft as she spoke. She released her words as if she no longer believed in her most trusted and notorious rule- love is weakness.

"Perhaps I do, Heda" the young grounder said, which was followed by a small sigh "yet my loyalties will always fall to you"

It took a moment for Clarke to realise just how much the commander meant to Jayden. The fact he would give up his own life, give up his own love to aid the commander was frightening. Terrifying. Because in the end, it meant that war always won against love. Clarke only wished she could change it. She heard the quiet shuffle of Lexa's armour as she got to her feet.

"Do not be afraid of loving, Jay." Lexa whispered gently. Her boots dug lightly into the dry dirt of the forest floor as she moved "Sometimes we need a small portion of weakness to prove we are not heartless"

Clarke screwed her eyes shut as she felt then nearing voice of the commander. Her heart pounded in her chest as she felt Lexa's shadow loom over her, drowning her in the silhouette of her own body as she looked down at her.

"I will take a walk. Stay here." Lexa whispered as she moved away from Clarke's evidently unsleeping body.

"Heda-"

"I am capable of protecting myself Jayden. I will return soon" She said. Clarke opened an eye to peer across at Lexa's back as she slowly moved through the trees. Each foot step was made in utter silence until she was completely gone.

She stared into the darkness that loomed between the branches, her heart wondering to her mouth.

"Sometimes we need a small portion of weakness to prove we are not heartless"

Lexa's words yet again lingered in her ears, repeating itself like a mantra. Lexa had made decisions with her head and not her heart every time. Clarke knew that. So why would she say such a thing?

"She's gone. You can open your eyes now, Wanheda" Jayden mumbled.

Clarke frowned as she pushed herself up, looking over at the grounder.

"How long did you know I was awake?" She asked.

"As soon as she spoke" he said "I saw the difference in your breathing"

"You were watching me?"

"I was ordered to. It is my job"

"Lexa ordered you to watch me sleep?" Clarke glared at him

"She ordered me to make sure you were safe" he said, glancing across at Gustus "I listen to my commander"

"You're going to listen to her about the whole love is weakness thing too?" She asked, running her cut fingers through her tatted hair.

"I'm sure everyone says things they do not believe are true" Jayden rested his sword on his knee "We hide from our feelings, Clarke, as they make us feel weak"

"That doesn't specifically mean that love will make you weak. I'm sure in a lot of situations it can make you stronger."

"And it can. My commander is strong enough without it though. Our people expect her to be strong without the torture of love weighing her down." He paused for a moment "She grew weak when she lost Costia to Azgeda. Something changed in her, like a piece was missing. It's like it has been returned... now that she-" he cut himself off and gripped his sword tightly, his jaw tensing as he silenced himself.

"Now that she what?" Clarke frowned. She wanted to know. It was like she had to.

"I do not wish to say more, Wanheda. I fear the consequences of speaking of Heda's private thoughts."

"That's understandable" Clarke said as she pushed herself to her feet.

"Where are you going? I can't let you go out there alone." He said quickly.

"I'm not going to be alone. I'm going to find Lexa"

"Commander wishes to be alone"

"I must be pretty important if you can let her be alone, but not me" Clarke countered

"You are" he said simply. Clarke edged towards the trees.

"You aren't going to stop me, are you?" She raised an eyebrow.

Jayden adjusted his position against the tree "no" he whispered. Clarke took one last look at him before pushing past the leaves that dangled from the nearest trees.

Her lungs stung as they inhaled the cold air, puffing it back out to release a small cloud of her breath. She didn't know where she was going, she just knew that at some point, she'd end up standing in front of Lexa. She knew she'd find her. So with that in her mind, and her swift steps she took over the fallen branches of the trees, she carried on moving.

What was it that made Clarke so comfortable with Lexa all of a sudden? She hated the commander's guts for leaving her behind at the mountain. She didn't trust her at all. But now, for some ridiculous reason, she did trust her. Clarke hated herself for it.

"Clarke?" Lexa's voice came out as gentle from its quiet volume. She held a small crafted torch, its glowing flames illuminating the her skin and casting shadows below her jaw and cheekbones. She lowered her sword which she held in her other hand. "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Would you believe me if I said I can't sleep?" Clarke whispered. Lexa frowned. Usually, when the commander frowned, her warpaint made it look intimidating. But now that Lexa was stripped from the black paint, it came across as concerned more than angry.

"I would"

Clarke watched as her grip loosened around the wood of her torch "what are you doing out here, Lexa?"

"I could ask you the same thing, Clarke" she said "but I shall not."

"Well, you already know I can't sleep. Which is a reason why I'm here and not back there." Clarke tilted her head "why are you out here alone? Why not bring Luna? Or Gustus or Jayden?"

Lexa continued walking, the blonde girl following her footsteps "I enjoy taking the opportunities to be alone in the woods while I can. The only good memories I have were forged in the depths of nature."

"Oh really? The only good ones I ever made were on the ark. That was, until I was sent down here"

"You miss being up there?"

"Of course I do. There was... peace..." Clarke frowned for a moment. She pictured her fathers body being ripped from the chamber, being launched into space. She remembers being dragged through the corridors of the ark, cuffs roughly snapping around her wrist "... well, more peace than down here anyways"

Lexa glanced over at Clarke "I vowed that when the role of the commander fell into my own hands that I would achieve that, Clarke. I believe with each other's help, we can find it."

Clarke scoffed "Lexa, there is no peace down here on the ground"

"Maybe you brought peace down with you when you were thrown out of the sky" Lexa stopped to turn towards her "Your motives of sparing the innocent, sparing those caught between the horrors of war. It means something."

"But I didn't spare the innocent. I killed them all in mount weather. Children. Parents. Families, Lexa" Clarke felt the bile rising in her throat "don't tell me I brought peace with me. Death follows me everywhere"

"With each others help, we can achieve peace. We must take the pain of grieving so others don't have to. Clarke, I cannot afford to lose any more of my people"

Clarke frowned at her feet as they continued walking. Lexa was completely devoted to her people. She chose them over Clarke, she would given her own life for them. She would give everything to protect her own.

The problem was, Clarke was different. Clarke couldn't help but give in to her own needs. She gave in to Finn, loved him. And in return, his body lay cold and lifeless. Clarke was selfish, and Lexa was selfless.

"The is no doubt, commander, that if we work together, one of us will end up with our arms crossed, buried in the dirt" Clarke said quietly

"Then in that case, lets make sure that I die after we have given our people the peace they deserve." Lexa said. Clarke couldn't understand how she was is fearless of death.

"What makes you say you don't deserve that to?" Clarke stopped, grabbing Lexa's arm to stop her one again. They paused to stare at each other, Clarke's illuminated blue meeting Lexa's glowing green.

"I am a commander, Clarke. My purpose is to protect those I serve. Not myself. As commander, after what I have done to protect them, I deserve no such thing"

"Then what about you?" Clarke moved closer to see Lexa's face in the dim light "don't tell me what the commander deserves. Tell me what Lexa deserves"

Clarke watched as the young girls face curved into another small frown. This time, it was different. It was filled with emotion, filled with thought as the corners of her mouth turned down slightly.

"I do not know, Clarke." She tipped her chin down to stare at the small space between them "You tell me"

Clarke moved back, a sudden glare fixed on her face as rage filled her bones. She didn't know why she got mad, but the reason was left undiscovered as burst out her words.

"No Lexa, you tell me. You're not just a commander. But the role has corrupted you." Clarke clenched her jaw as she moved towards Lexa "you never wanted to leave me behind at the mountain did you?" Lexa's footsteps faltered at she slowly backed away from the angered blonde "you never wanted kill Finn" she said, her voice starting to crack. "But you did. Because you're too frightened to change"

Lexa pressed her back to the thick bark of the tree behind her. The two girls knew this scene too well, and remembered how it played out last time. Clarke could still feel the pressure of Lexa's lips against her own as...

"Clarke" Lexa whispered. There it was again. The unique pronunciation of Clarke's name that made her heart melt, used as a lone warrior against the mighty Wanheda. In return, she pulled her eyebrows tight together, forcing an even more menacing glare.

"But maybe you did want to leave me. Maybe you did want to kill Finn. God, maybe you wanted to kill everyone in TonDC too. Because that's who you are, right? You're the commander of the 12 clans" Clarke spat before turning on her heels and storming back to the camp.

Lexa watched, eyes wide as the girl she had fallen for pushed herself through the hanging leaves, every single cell existing in her body hating the commander. She squeezed her eyes shut, taking in a breath worth a thousand more, pressing her head back against the tree behind her.

Her heart wrenched inside her chest, her ribcage collapsing around her lungs as she sighed.


	10. Chapter 10

"Traitor! He is a traitor! Heda, why bring a traitor back into our walls?" Yelled a man from the crowd. His arms slung in the air to get the commander's attention "tie him up! I say punish him!"

His voice was drowned out by sever agreements "yeah! Kill him!" Exclaimed a woman. Another joined in "string him up!"

Octavia wrapped her arm protectively around Lincoln, scowling. Clarke stood, and her heart melted as she admired the love they had for each other. There was no doubt they would give their life for each other. Take a bullet to the head just to protect each other. Clarke wondered, would she ever find that?

"No!" Lexa's voice boomed over her people, silencing them in an instant. They stood expectantly, watching their leader with wide eyes and ears patiently waiting to listen. Clarke directed her gaze to the commander "I pardon Lincoln of his betrayal"

Clarke frowned from beside Raven. The man who protested raised his voice again "but why heda?"

"Lincoln showed his desire of peace. His betrayal was purely an act to find peace. We need more people willing to pursue such a thing" Lexa clasped her hands behind her back.

"Commander, you've clearly lost your mind! Peace is won by war! Not betrayal!"

"Control yourself, Roman!" She yelled "do not forget your place!"

"Don't forget yours! You are commander, are you not? Act like it!" He pushed himself through the people to face Lexa. Her hands dropped and clenched into fists as she stepped towards him.

"I am commander. And I am the only commander to have achieved peace between the 12 clans, and kept my people from an attack for years. Previous commander's could hardly protect you for a month" she growled. Her voice was deathly quiet "Do not be unfaithful, Roman, or it will be you who is tied to a tree. It will be you to experience a thousand cuts for your betrayal. Is that understood?"

The man, Roman, faltered. He stepped back away from his commander, lowering his head slightly in submission "forgive me Heda"

"Bow before Heda, Roman" Jayden raised his voice. The two men stared at each other, and Clarke began to wonder who would throw the first blow. But then, Roman dropped to one knee, lowering his head to bow to his commander. Clarke swore she saw Jayden's leg twitch, as if he was trying to refrain from bringing his knee right to his face. Lexa tilted her chin up, her throat bobbing ever so slightly as she swallowed. 

"Forgive me Heda." He said quietly "we are afraid."

"I understand. Rise." She said and he did as instructed, a patch of dirt still left on his knee. Lexa turned her attention to address everyone "we shall celebrate our newly bonded alliance with Skaikru. Your efforts in welcoming the clan will be great. Is that understood?"

"Long live Heda! Long live skaikru!" A small boy grinned as he pushed his way past the legs of the adults stood before him. He punched his fist in the air as he chanted out his words. Lexa looked down at him, the red of her sash reflecting off of the small boys face. And all he could do was gaze up in awe.

"And what is your name?" Lexa questioned, her head ever so slightly tilting to the side in curiosity at the brace boy.

"My name is Caleb! Caleb Isaac!" He said proudly. Lexa glanced over her shoulder at Jayden, who's arms were crossed as he glared at the young boy.

"Your brother has a heart of steel, Jayden" Lexa said as she unbuckled the straps of her dagger. She leant down to look at the younger boy of the Isaac brothers. It was clear that they were brothers... almost too clear. They shared the same black hair, the tight jaws and high cheekbones. The same dark brown, curious eyes. 

Lexa unsheathed her dagger, and Caleb watched in fascination "Do you know what this is?" Lexa asked softly. 

"It's a knife!" Celebs eyes ran up and down the blade

"It is a dagger" Lexa continued, balancing it on the tip of her finger "well balanced. Perfect for throwing, or protecting yourself."

"Woah..."

"I hear you have a little sister" Lexa tucked the dagger back into its sheath, balancing on one knee to face him.

"Yes, Heda. She is at home." He clasped his hands in front of him nervously. Lexa held out the sheathed dagger, its straps hanging helplessly bellow it as she offered it to the young boy. Hesitantly, he took it.

"Your brother will teach you how to use this well, Caleb. But I warn you not to misuse it. It's misuse will stay with you for a lifetime"

"Can I practice with it at home?" He asked eagerly, clasping his arms tightly around it.

"Not without your brother. Is that understood?"

In response, she received a slight nod, followed by an excited 'thank you' as the boy ran home. Lexa rose to her feet, and Gustus took the reigns of her horse.

"Was that not a little bit stupid? Giving a weapon to a little kid?" Clarke asked Lexa as they began to walk. Before Lexa could answer, Jayden lept in.

"It is far better for him to learn how to use it, and its dangers at a young age, rather than fail to learn them properly later in life." He said

"But what if he gets hurt"

"He won't" he said and paused "my brother, my responsibility. I trust my commander, and if she believes he can have a weapon, then so do I"

Raven hobbled along behind the cart which was being tugged furiously by two horses. She scoffed. Even the fat horse was faster than her. Jayden paused to turn and look at her, falling back from Clarke and Lexa to help her up the steps.

"He's been very kind to Raven" Clarke said in a hushed voice, glancing back at them.

"Jayden is a carer. He will always care for those who need it." Lexa said, keeping her eyes trained ahead at the large tower of her home.

"Is that why he cares for you?" Clarke asked. Her response was silent, and Lexa only offered a small glance before continuing on without a word "Lexa" Clarke said again. She wanted answers.

"It is not Jayden's care I need, Clarke" she said quietly.  
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Raven pressed herself to the table behind her, lifting herself up to settle on its surface. The large metal cup clanked against the wood as she did so, the alcoholic contents splashing over its barriers and splashing beside her. She scoffed.

"Grounders do throw some good parties don't they?" Clarke said with a small smile, swirling the remaining contents of her own cup. Raven rolled her eyes.

"I mean sure. But unity day with Jasper Jordan and Monty Green is priceless" Raven said with a small smirk "Remember beer pong?"

"Hell, of course I do. I'm still the champion of the 100" 

"You know what that means don't you?" Raven raised an eyebrow as she slurped the beer in her hand.

"What?"

"You're afraid to get a little drink in your veins" she winked as Clarke rolled her eyes.

"I am not"

"Sure" 

"I'm not"

"Yeah, yeah, Clarke. Sure."

"Personally, I do not believe there is much point to becoming so intoxicated that you lose your own mind. It renders you defenceless" Jayden had appeared out of nowhere. Obviously his already quiet footsteps had been drowned out by the chatter and calls of other grounders around them. Ravens hand slipped, sending the alcohol from her cup spilling down the front of her shirt. She cursed, and turned to Jayden trying to keep her cool.

"I was going to say that it's okay for me to render myself defenceless if you're there to protect me" she rubbed the liquid in her shirt "but you just ruined my favourite shirt. So beat it, grounder"

Jayden took a step back, looking disappointed in himself as he stuttered out an apology "I-I am sorry Raven, I did not mean to surprise you with my presence..."

"Oh shut up and help me off this table" she rolled her eyes, holding out her hand which Jayden took with his own large and calloused hand "God your hands are hard as hell. Got a few splinters there or something?"

"No. Only a life time of grip on swords and axes." He said, helping Raven slowly slide off the table.

"Tell me more, grounder boy" Raven said as she hobbled off, the young grounder at her side instantly. Clarke just shook her head, a small smile on her face.

She took this time alone to glance across the large room where the celebration was held. She remembered, just before the attack on mount weather, when Lexa had invited her to stay in Polis. She said it would change her mind about them. Maybe now, as she watches the warm smiles exchanged warriors, this is what they meant.

They were no longer glaring viciously, no longer stood with blood dripping from their blades. But rather, happy. At peace.

Clarke saw as Lexa weaved et way through her people, the drink in her hand untouched. Her eyes landed on Clarke's, and her feet carried her towards the blonde who was stood alone.

"Clarke" she greeted

"Commander" Clarke responded, tilting her hand and looking at Lexa's drink "you just gonna leave that?"

"I have already had my fair share of beverages Clarke. I do not wish to drink too much" Lexa said. And she wasn't lying. Clarke could smell the slight hint of alcohol on her breath through the fresh mint. She held her breath, concerned of how her own breath smelt. For some reason, she would be embarrassed if her breath did smell bad.

"Then you won't mind if I drink it then, huh?" Clarke eyed the substance in Lexa's hand.

"Not at all" Lexa held it out, and Clarke wrapped her fingers around the metal of the cup, every so slightly skimming against the skin of Lexa's own hands. Lexa's arm immediately retreated back to her side, and she straightened her back, tending her jaw "I worry you are going to let yourself become far too intoxicated"

Clarke slightly as she sipped "No, no. Jasper makes stuff way stronger than this. I've had my fair share of alcohol, commander."

"If you insist..."

"Oh I do insist" Clarke interrupted. Lexa raised her eyebrows, but ignored the sudden counter, turning her attention back to the other people in the room. Lincoln and Octavia were in the centre of the life in the room, surrounded by other grounders as they chatted away. Abby, Kane and Bellamy were hunched over a table in the far corner, speaking in hushed voices as they glanced around.

Then, well... then there was Raven. Raven, who was so drunk out her own mind that she wasn't even processing how close she was to Jayden. Her hands were on his chest to support herself as she stared up at him, his back pressed to the wall behind him. 

"Seems like Raven and Jayden are getting closer and closer every day" Clarke said "I wonder when they'll-"

Raven pressed her lips roughly against Jayden's.

"-kiss" Clarke finished, redirecting her gaze away from the two. Lexa only glanced at them before looking back at Clarke. It was clear that it was just Clarke who was made uncomfortable "never mind... speak of the devil..."

"I see no harm in it if they truly care for one another, Clarke"

"That's not what you used to say" Clarke said coldly. Yet again, all of her sudden her blood was boiling in rage. Lexa fell silent yet again, knowing it would lead to another outburst. She let the silence overtake them to let Clarke cool down. Soon enough, Raven had pulled away from Jayden, gazing up at him as she ran her fingers along his jaw.

"She really is head over heels for him. Look at the way she's looking at him. They've been giving each other looks like that since they met." Clarke said, breaking the quiet void that had grown between her and the commander. Lexa lifted her head and turned to Clarke. 

"Some times, Clarke, the best kiss is the one that has been exchanged a thousand times between the eyes before it reaches their lips" Lexa said quietly "perhaps love is not just weakness, but a salvation" 

If Clarke was stood a small amount further away from Lexa, she would have never heard it. But she did. And she stared right back at the commander. She swallowed the throbbing lump in her throat which she believed to be her heart.

"What made you change your mind so quickly, commander?" Clarke said as she drained the last drop of alcohol from her cup, like she was trying to swallow down the nervousness in her voice. Lexa shuffled slightly, her face softening.

"You" Lexa whispered. 

Clarke's face fell, and she opened her mouth to say something. Anything. But all that came out, was a small intake of breath. Her heart pounded. 

There were plenty of things Clarke could assume by that. Did Lexa really love her? Did she even care about Clarke at all? Or was it just said in the awkward moments of seeing Raven and Jayden kiss?

With that, the commander turned, making her way back into the crowd of grounders without another word. This time, it was Clarke's turn to be rendered speechless.


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke sat, her head rested on her hand as she slumped over the table, the bags under her eyes weighing her down into a terrible mood. All night, she had been awake. The nightmares were still just as graphic, just as detailed and horrific as before. She gave up on sleep after waking up for the third time that night.

She sat at the highest table, twirling her fork in her hand as she stared down at the food on her plate. Some of it she didn't even recognise, but she blamed it on the fact that she lived in space with limited resources for most of her life.

Lexa, who sat beside her at the centre of the table, glanced over at her plate and frowned. Clarke lifted her eyes to hers.

"What even is this anyways?" Clarke poked at the oddly coloured meat with her knife.

"It is pheasant meat, Clarke." Lexa said simply "it is a rare meat to have"

"Then why are we eating it and not breeding the animals so they don't go extinct?" Clarke scoffed. She was sleepless. Drained of her patience and drained of her tolerance. And Lexa seemed to realise this.

"They are bred Clarke" Lexa pressed her knife and fork to the table, her jaw clenching and unclenching as she chewed on her food. Clarke watched the bob in her throat as she swallowed.

"So your people don't just think about killing and surviving then" Clarke tilted her head "interesting fact. You care more about pheasants than allies."

"Clarke-" Lexa frowned, the other girl's words no doubt striking her harshly.

"I know. I know. I'm sorry." Clarke frowned "I just... I haven't had a good night's sleep since before the attack on mount weather."

Clarke felt guilty. Lexa, wether it was the drunk talking or not, had opened up to Clarke in one single word which admitted thousands of others.

"What made you change your mind so quickly, commander?"

Her question had been a useless attempt in a pointless dig at Lexa.

"You"

Lexa's response was like a fist to her gut in retaliation. Clarke picked up her fork and began to eat the meat layed out in front of her. It felt almost strange, sharing a moment in the morning to eat breakfast with skaikru and the grounders. With Lexa. She frowned as she looked at Lexa once again, her eyes narrowed slightly in imagination as her thoughts began to bubble.

What would have Lexa been like, if she had never had the weight of command on her shoulders? If she lived a normal life on the ground, without having to lead thousands of others?

What would have Lexa been like, if she had been born on the Ark? If she had tumbled down from the sky itself and landed in the depths of Earth with Clarke?

"Can I help you?" Lexa asked. Clarke had just been staring, eyes narrowed, deep in thought at Lexa for a few minutes now. The commander had spoken when she had grown uncomfortable. Clarke sat back, turning her gaze elsewhere.

"No. I was just thinking."

"About what?" Lexa lifted her chin "if you are worried about your weapons, do not. I have them under high security protection in the deepest floor of this tower. To reach it would simply be impossib-"

"I'm not worried about the weapons" Clarke sighed

"Then what are you worried about?"

"Arkadia. We left Sinclair in charge but..." she sighed "the amount of farm station people there, it makes me uncomfortable. You know how they are, you met their leader Pike. They'll follow him into anything."

"They are loyal."

"Not to me" Clarke grunted "and that's an issue."

"What's an issue?" Octavia chipped in from beside Clarke, finally beginning to listen to Lexa and Clarke's conversation instead of hers and Lincoln's

"Nothing" Clarke said as she yawned.

"You are in need of rest Clarke" Lexa commented.

"I'm fine" Clarke snapped. Octavia frowned, ignoring Clarke and looking past her towards the commander.

"Is there anything that we need to do?" She asked "surely just staying here isn't our plan. Right?"

Lexa went silent as she fell into deep thought. Clarke could see her analysing every move she could make behind her eyes like she was looking through a window. Lexa was skilled. Trained to be the commander. Clarke wondered if she had ever been a normal person.

"I suppose scouting small areas close to your camp would be useful. If the Ice nation have set up a makeshift camp ready for an attack, it would give you a great advantage to know where they are coming from."

"Then... shouldn't we be back at Arkadia? If we know the weapons are protected?" Octavia tilted her head.

"Nuh-uh, no way that's happening" Raven leant to see past Lincoln to look at Octavia "there's no way we aren't protecting these weapons with our own people. God knows..."

Lexa raised an eyebrow at Raven, clearly understanding what she meant. It would be illogical to trust the commander and her people to protect the weapons here. It would be like handing them over. Lexa wanted skaikru's trust, but even she thought it would be a bad idea.

"I understand Raven. Are the weapons safe?" Lexa asked. In return, Raven gave a small grimace.

"What is it?" Asked Clarke

"There are missiles still mount weather that, with small tweaks to the mechanics and to the system, can be redirected. We have their launch codes, but there won't be much use in them if they can change them. If someone gets into them, we're all dead."

Clarke's face fell "but... Ice nation don't know anything about the technology, we'll be fine"

"I do not wish to take this risk." Lexa sat up straight in her seat "Raven, is there anything we can do?"

"I could disarm them from inside. Make them pretty much useless to them. There's no way they could fix it unless they have some smart kid like me. But there is no way I'm going back there" Raven said "that place makes me want to throw up."

Clarke glared at the table. Just the thought of why Raven wouldn't want to go back there made her itch with anger. Raven was tortured there. She watched her friends die in front of her. Then, she watched Clarke wipe out every single person who lived in the mountain, their skin melting into their bones as they dropped to the floor.

"Tell me what I have to do. I'll do it"

"Clarke-"

"Give me a radio. I'll take it and when I get there you can guide me through it."

"I won't let you go alone. We need you." Octavia argued. She was right. Clarke came back to help them, and if Clarke disappeared again, now of all times, they wouldn't stand a chance.

Clarke heard the strong voice from beside her, filled with so much confidence it filled the room. It even gave Clarke the confidence she so desperately needed. Lexa lifted her chin and stared ahead, bringing her cup to her lips as she spoke.

"She won't be alone"

"So you suggest we send two of our leaders off to diffuse missiles in a mountain that we don't even know is safe?" Raven scoffed. Lexa turned to face her, face straight and emotionless.

"Yes"

Raven pushed out her chair and got up "Sounds like a great plan. I'm in."

Clarke slightly chuckled to herself as she watched Raven move across the hall towards Jayden. No doubt they had grown a little more comfortable with each other after last night. In all honesty, Clarke couldn't understand how Raven was so chirpy at this hour of the morning. Because the main thing on Clarke's mind was the incredibly large thumping in her head; it was a terrible result of drinking one too many at the celebration.

"Why did you do that?" Clarke twisted in her chair to face Lexa directly. Lexa raised her eyebrows, confused. "Why did you just volunteer to go with me?"

"What better way to make sure you are alive than going with you myself?"

"Or is this just to make sure I don't run away again?"

"No"

"No?"

"No" Lexa confirmed. Clarke gave her a questioning look. The commander sounded final in her answer, but Clarke wanted to know more.

"Why?"

"Because I know you care for your people. You wouldn't leave them if you know they are in danger. No doubt last time you left was because you knew they were in secure hands and they were safe from any dangers. You must have known I would never attack your camp, even after mount weather."

It was true. Clarke was certain Lexa wouldn't attack Arkadia. Maybe it was the look in her eyes as she turned to leave at mount weather. The last lingering glance that stayed with Clarke for months after. What ever it was, it gave Clarke that small amount of assurance that Arkadia would be safe.

"Clarke?"

She had been staring at Lexa, replaying the events in her head over and over, for too long. God knows how long her eyes had been fixed on the green in Lexa's own, but all of a sudden, she wanted to stare into them for longer. She tore her eyes away, shakily letting out a breath.

"Yeah" She whispered "sorry"

Lexa stood from her chair "I'll meet you soon to leave for mount weather."

And with that, Clarke watched Lexa leave, her crimson sash flowing behind her along with her uniquely fashioned brown braids. Her footsteps were swift, each movement looking carefully calculated, even if she was just leaving the dining room.

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Lexa slid her sword into its sheath before grabbing the straps of her shoulder armour, giving it a harsh tug to make sure it was secure. Meanwhile, Clarke shrugged on her jacket which Bellamy handed her.

"Do you want your gun?" He asked, glancing across at Lexa wearily. Clarke could see the lack of trust in his eyes. Lexa looked up from her armour, almost as if she could sense his stare. Clarke straightened herself as she faced the older Blake.

"Yes" she said "I'll take my dagger too"

Bellamy nodded, strapping her gun to hip. Something about his lingering fingers made Clarke feel sickly uncomfortable. He moved to strap her dagger to her leg.

"I can do it Bellamy" she said, snatching the item from his hands. The sudden urgency in her voice caused Lexa's gaze to land on them both yet again. Bellamy frowned, but stepped back to allow her the space she needed.

After fixing the dagger tightly to her leg, she stood up with her back straight once again, looking over her shoulder at the commander. And the commander just so happened to be already looking at her.

"Are you ready, Wanheda?" She asked, tucking her hands behind her back in her well known, formal stance. She nodded.

"Clarke?" Bellamy asked from behind her. She turned to see him with his arms crossed, a small crease appearing between his furrowed brows. He was worried. All the time she spent with him, trying to survive, had taught her everything she had to know. Taught her how to know when he was afraid. And Clarke knew exactly why he looked like this, stood in front of her with his feet planted firmly in the ground.

"I'll come back, Bellamy" she assured "I will"

"How do I know you will?" He asked, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he spoke.

"Because I still have people to save, Bellamy" she said "I'm selfish. But I'm not selfish enough to leave my people when they need my help. I thought you'd know that"

She turned her back to Bellamy, filled with a strange sense of confidence as she advanced towards the gates. She moved past Lexa and towards the gates where Raven stood.

"Take this radio" Raven held out the mechanical contraption she had worked on "when you get there, radio me. I'll direct you through the process. And Clarke?"

Clarke paused mid-step, turning her gaze back to the mechanic before she left. "Yeah?"

"Don't explode." She said with a smirk of which Clarke responded with a small smile.

"I'll try" The blonde said before moving forward yet again. This time, Lexa was at her side as they left the gates "sure you want to come? You can stay"

"I'm coming with you, Clarke" Lexa said, glancing over at her. Her fist tightened around her sword "Lets go"

And they went, with the heels of their boots digging into the fresh, dried dirt, and the bright glare of the morning light shining down on their faces as they set off.

Clarke sighed at herself, realising he situation. She was alone, walking to the place where she became Wanheda (The place of her nightmares) with no other person than Lexa herself.

She kicked a rock, and watched as it spiralled down a small slope in the ground, a damp leaf following in its path. Lexa's eyes suddenly snapped to the movement before she relaxed again. Clarke sighed.

What was she thinking?


	12. Chapter 12

The silence that had grown between the two leaders was far from comfortable for Clarke. Although Lexa appeared to be pretending the eery silence was completely normal. Clarke couldn't see past her warpaint, never mind Lexa's facial expressions that were kept completely devoid of emotion.

There was nothing. Not even the sound of their breaths as they walked. The only sound was of the birds that dipped and swooped between the trees, dodging low hanging branches as they sang their melodic tunes. Lexa's eyes seemed to follow them, Clarke noticed. Especially the blue ones.

Lexa's footsteps faultered as a bird caught its wing on a branch, scattering a few of its cerulean feathers across the air as it regained itself, flying off to follow the others. Clarke paused, as Lexa stopped in her tracks.

"Lexa?"

Clarke's voice went almost unnoticed as Lexa made her way to to site of the incident. She crouched down, collecting a single feather between her thumb and forefinger. The feather twirled in her fingertips.

"She loved the blue ones best" she said as she stood, her voice quiet, gentle. So gentle in fact, Clarke felt herself soften at her voice alone.

"Who?" She paused for a moment. Who was the only person Lexa could possibly pay enough attention to to notice the small things like that? "Costia?"

In response, Lexa gave a small nod "it was always her interest" she said quietly, examining the different shades of blue spread across the single feather "Wildlife. She'd make me go with her, even at the dead of night, just to find a single species"

Clarke's heart ached at the sight of Lexa staring longingly at the feather, as if at some point, it would drop to the floor, writhing beautifully and twisting to become Costia herself. Lexa placed it back amongst the trees.

"She is in a better place now, buried amongst the trees of the glowing forest." Lexa stepped away "She would have wanted that. I made sure she had it."

"Lexa..." Clarke's heart filled with honest pity for the young girl. There was no commander standing in front of her. No woman that would fight many battles and draw blood from her enemies. Just a girl, stood heartbroken in the middle of a forest "I'm sorry"

"You should not need to say such a thing, Clarke" Lexa continued on their walk towards mount weather, jaw clenching tightly before unclenching again in a continuous cycle.

"Why's that?" Clarke questioned "Lexa, you lost the girl you loved."

"And I made you lose the boy you loved"

The blonde girl almost tripped as her heart sank. Finn. She could still remember how it felt to sink the knife into his stomach, and have his head slump against her shoulder as his warm blood seeped over her palms.

"You let me ease his suffering" Clarke whispered "that still means something. He gave us something that I'll always be in debt to him for, and I had every right to help him out when it came to his death."

"What did he give you?" Lexa frowned

"He gave me the chance to achieve peace. Even if it did only last a few weeks." Clarke glanced over at the brunette before directing her gaze back down. After that, there was another long wave of silence. Only this time, it was more of a comfortable silence. As if they had let everything out that they had to at that moment in time. Although Clarke could still feel curiosity brewing, bubbling towards the top and reaching her mouth until-

"Lexa?"

The sound of her name in Clarke's mouth immediately made her direct her attention to the other girl.

"Yes, Clarke?"

"Why did you want to find me? Why not just leave me for Azgeda?"

Lexa sighed as she looked through the trees ahead of them "I was a fool to leave you the way I did at the mountain. It was wrong" She said as she tipped her head to the side "I couldn't forgive myself if I left you for dead for a second time. I wouldn't."

It was strange seeing Lexa that way, frowning at herself and her own actions as though she was wholeheartedly disappointed in herself. But Clarke wanted to dive deeper to find out more. Like why Lexa would care so much if Azgeda had caught her. Surely it had nothing to do with... well, whatever had happened between them in Lexa's tent.

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Clarke stood back as Lexa pushed at the overwhelming large door of mount weather, which had been left ajar in the sudden rush to make it home to Arkadia. Even then, the door was still heavy and unforgiving.

Clarke looked at the grass below her, noticing the stains of blood which were still there after months of rain.

She could see Lexa stood in front her her, face drenched in the red blood which was not her own as it mixed with the black of her warpaint. Her words providing evidence of her cowardice as she turned her back on Clarke.

The door cranked as Lexa gave one last shove along with a half hearted grunt, forcing it open to give a gap large enough for them to get through. The commander rolled her shoulders before sliding inside.

"Come on" she said over her shoulder. Without question, Clarke followed, her hands lingering on the cold metal of the door as she pushed herself through the small gap. She took one last look at the daylight of the outside world before turning.

The first thing Clarke noticed wasn't the bright lights, or the blinding white corridors. Not even the grime which had been dragged through the corridors by rushing muddy feet. But the smell.

The stench of death itself hit her hard, burning her nose with the smell of rot. One hand immediately flew up to cover her nose in a rush to block the revolting smell.

"God" she whispered through her sleeve. Lexa's eyes landed on her.

"Lets hope we do not find the source" Lexa said quietly. It was quite clear she was holding her breath in attempt to avoid inhaling the corrupted air.

Clarke pressed her back to the cold wall behind her. She was back in the place she hated the most, where she murdered innocent people, where she killed the love of Jasper's life, where she became wanheda. Her heart pounded as the hatred for herself grew inside her.

She never even came back to clear the bodies.

"Clarke?" Lexa advanced towards Clarke, and hidden behind those green glazed over eyes, she could spot the smallest hint of concern which was enveloped between her eyelids "Clarke, we must continue on. The faster we get this done, the faster we may leave."

Clarke knew Lexa was right. They didn't have time to stand and feel sorry for herself for what she did. She already had months of time to do that. Now, she must move on.

"You're right. Let's go." Clarke said, pushing herself off of the wall and forcing one foot in front of the other, allowing them to delve deeper into the mountain "We should get to the control room, then we can radio Raven for instructions."

Lexa looked clueless. Obviously. She had never once stepped foot in the mountain before, and clearly had no idea of which direction to go. So of course, Clarke took the lead, even with the little whispers in her head telling her to cower behind Lexa; hide as if there were ghosts hidden in the walls. Maybe because there was, and Clarke was the one who put them there...

"Clarke?" Lexa frowned, noticing the slight sway as she walked and the hesitant footsteps "I can go first. Just tell me which way it is."

"I... it's down the left corridor"

With that, Lexa swiftly moved past Clarke. As she moved down the corridors, it was undeniably noticeable how out of place she looked. She belonged in Polis surrounded by the light and scent of her burning candles; she belonged in front of an army- not in front of Clarke. It was strange to have Lexa alone like this, with no guards or warriors protecting her with their lives. It was just... Lexa. The feeling of walking behind the commander, so close to one another, only added to the strangeness. They were so close- yet they were so far.

Every now and then, Clarke would mutter Lexa directions, and would allow the commander to peak around the corner for her before continuing. She only supposed it was to make sure there were no dead bodies laying out in the open. Or perhaps it was to check for any signs of danger.

"There" She pointed towards a sealed metal door. Across the top, the word 'security' was printed in bold white letters. Some of which had long since faded with the sudden exposure of radiation.

Lexa reached out and tugged at the handle, causing it to creak with the sudden weight. The door didn't move.

"It's locked" Clarke frowned. It wouldn't matter if it was locked, Clarke could easily find a way to get it open. But what worried her... "Lexa we left this unlocked"

"What?" The commander turned

"Whoever must have locked it must have known this place. It wasn't skaikru." Clarke turned towards Lexa "was it any of your people?"

"Why would it be my people? Clarke, we have not stepped on land anywhere near Mount weather. Not even Azgeda would be foolish enough to come back here."

Clarke stared at Lexa, wary of her words. Last time she trusted the commander, she was left for dead right outside these doors. The fact that Clarke was beginning to feel the trust they had between them again, only made her more afraid. But what could she do?

"Are you sure?" She asked, earning a small nod from the other girl "Okay. But we need to be careful. Whoever did this might still be here but we need that door open... okay?"

"Okay... so how do we achieve that?" Lexa frowned.

"I-" the problem was, Clarke didn't exactly know how to get the door open without a keycard. She wasn't Raven, and she most definitely wasn't Sinclair. Now she wishes she payed attention in mechanism classes instead of drawing images of earth, and daydreaming over what it would be like to be there. If only she knew back then...

"We need a key, yes?" Lexa asked when she noticed Clarke's distant, thinking gaze.

"Yes..."

"And the one who locked the door may still be here?"

"Maybe..."

"Then we find them and we take the key. Surely they must still have it" Lexa said as she moved past Clarke to set out and search mount weather for the mystery key holder.

"Lexa wait" Her fingers wrapped around Lexa's arm, restricting her from moving. She could feel the silhouette of every lump of muscle below the rough fabric. She let out a shaking breath "I can't do this. Not if if you leave me here again-"

Lexa stared at her for a moment, the muscles in her jaw jumping below her skin "I won't" she whispered. As every commanding and strong tone melted from her voice, all that was left was a mere whisper. What that whisper was, Clarke had no idea. But whatever it was, it was like the flesh and skin had been ripped from her voice, leaving nothing but the bones exposed for Clarke to see. Even then, the strength of its structure was breathtaking. "I promise"

Who knew a few words would drop her into a speechless pit- a pit in which the walls were comforting. So comforting. Was it wrong to feel that?

Clarke could only nod, dropping her head to look at her feet. And as Lexa turned to walk, her own footsteps followed.

Once again, her mind trailed to living on the Ark. Trailed to what it would be like if Lexa was born amongst the stars with her. Surely Lexa's strategic impulses would have kept her walking high above others, and maybe even could have solved the problem of the Ark's lack of oxygen. Perhaps her strength in leadership would have gotten her floated. But then again, she was not the person to do what was right. She was the person who would do wrong to just to buy her people a small increase in time. She was the opposite of her father.

Lexa quickly extended out an arm in an effort to stop Clarke from going any further. The other girl walked into it foolishly, still captivated by her lingering thoughts. She was quickly brought back to reality as she made harsh contact with Lexa's arm.

Clarke turned towards her, a questioning look painted on her expression. In response, Lexa pressed a finger to her own lips. As the commander stood, frozen still in silence, she stared back into the blue that questioned her with nothing but a gaze.

"Did you hear that?" Lexa whispered quietly, tilting her head to listen more carefully.

"No... what was it?"

"I think it was-" The commander's speech was cut short as a figure collided into her, dropping her to the floor. The clash of contact between her sword and the ground echoed the the corridors. The sound was shortly followed by a grunt as she was shoved face first into the ground. Before she could even attempt to fight back, her arms were restrained painfully behind her back. She struggled angrily against the man in beige uniform.

"The commander?" He said through gritted teeth, eyes flicking to the red dash that Lexa wore "what a prize"

It was as if he was deliberately playing with Lexa, as if she was just an other toy in the toy box. Clarke didn't know what to do, and she stood with her feet fixed to the ground as she watched. Cuffs clicked around Lexa's wrists, restricting her from reaching for her sword; she couldn't reach anything at all.

That was when he looked up, revealing his identity. His eyes lit up at the sight.

"Clarke..." Carl Emerson pushed himself up from the ground, where lexa lay struggling against the metal restraints "I have to admit, I wouldn't have expected to see you here. Especially with the commander herself."

"Things change" Clarke said quietly, taking a step away as he took a step forward. He was already close enough.

"They certainly do" he glared "things changed that day you pulled that lever. When you killed my little boy. When you killed my wife."

"You gave me no choice" Clarke's voice quivered at the memory. Finding the small children, blistered. Unmoving. Finding everyone that way. Finding Maya lifeless in Jasper's arms.

"You had every choice!" He yelled. His hands fumbled at the waistband of his trousers, pulling out his gun. He clicked the bullet into the chamber.

"It was my people or yours" Clarke said slowly. She lifted her hands "Emerson, you gave me no choice."

"Shut up!" He pushed the barrel to her forehead, gritting his teeth "you will die for what you have done, Clarke! I have... I have lost everyone! You killed... everyone!"

"And you drained the blood from my people. From Lexa's people for years. You harvested them until there was nothing left."

"We did what we had to to survive" he jammed the gun barrel to harder to her head.

"So did I" She whispered. His eyes narrowed, and his finger curled around the trigger. Clarke's breath hitched in her throat.

"Your time of surviving is over" he said. Clarke squeezed her eyes shut. She felt the gun move from her forehead.

This was it. Her escape. The time she had been waiting waiting for.

She heard the gun fire.


	13. Chapter 13

The sharp sting of the bullet burrowed its way into her shoulder with a vicious throb. As her eyes opened long after remaining fixed tightly shut, Clarke grew unsure of everything. Unsure of why the bullet didn't hit her head. Unsure of the scuffling off feet before her.

Unsure of whether the scream of agony was hers, or someone else's.

Lexa crashed into the ground beside Emerson, no doubt after tackling him down. The blood that dropped down the side of her head suggested she had collided with him. Hard. She bared her teeth in rage as she lifted her leg, bringing her foot harshly to his stomach.

Clarke could only watch, her back pressed against the wall for support. As second by second past, the pain in her shoulder grew. It just so happened that the crimson patch of blood on her shirt also shared the same fate. She lifted her hand to cover the clean puncture left behind by the bullet.

Lexa had saved her; she had shoved herself into the face of danger to knock the life ending bullet off course, still completely defenceless with her arms bound behind her back. Yet still, she put her a fight.

Emerson had managed to grab Lexa's leg and pull her towards him, trapping the long powerful limbs below his own. His blistered, calloused hands wrapped around the olive skin of Lexa's neck, thumbs pressed roughly into her throat. The force on her windpipe only increased.

Each kick Lexa gave in attempt to remove him grew weaker as her eyes grew wider. She choked, spluttering with the lack of air. Air she desperately needed. Bloodshot eyes landed on the glinting metal of the gun, then flicked to Clarke. Clarke, who stood motionless in her own pain.

Was it okay? To let the commander die? After all, she had left her to die too. But then again, didn't Lexa just save her life? It was ridiculous to even think Lexa wasn't worth saving. She owed her now. Her heart dropped as Lexa's legs began to loose their power, dropping weakly as they began to give up- as she began to give up. Slowly, like the stem of a plant as it neared winter. They hit the ground.

For the second time in the past few minutes, the loud ripple of noise echoed through mount weather. As the second bullet was released from the chamber, Emerson's hands went slack around Lexa's throat. The body of the last mountain man, the lieutenant of Mount Weather, collapsed beside the commander.

A combination of his own blood, and the blood of many others, seeped out from the gaping hole in the centre of his chest, slowly crawling across the floor around him.

Clarke dropped to her knees beside the commander, knee caps digging harshly into the ground. "Lexa?" She asked urgently "Lexa are you okay?"

In response, Lexa just simply nodded. Clarke could only suppose she was in a small state of shock. But then again, it was the commander. She must have been through worse than this.

"Lexa?" She asked again, eyes searching for any more damage. "Lexa can you hear me?"

Lexa looked up at Wanheda, whose blonde hair fell over her shoulder, almost completely obscuring their surroundings as she looked down on her. "Yes, Clarke" she whispered "I can hear you"

"Do you want to sit up?" She asked. The droplets of blood rolling from her shoulder had long since gone ignored as she worried for Lexa.

"Yes, Clarke" she whispered again. Clarke knew she wasn't whispering by choice. Her voice was expected to be pained and tense after such a violent attack to her throat.

It was almost like she had became a completely different person, laying on her back with her braids fanned out equally around her head. And she stared up at Clarke with something other than calculations or battle plans. What it was, Clarke was still yet to find out.

Lexa managed to push herself back to her feet, staggering only the smallest amount, even less so after spotting Clarke's wound.

"You are bleeding, Clarke" she said, concern laced in her voice. It was carefully shown, but it was there. Delicately strung across her facial expressions and driven deep in her eyes; it was there.

"You're hurt" Clarke said. Her eyes lingered on the fresh purple colouring Lexa's neck where bruises began to form "you need help"

"I am more concerned for you, Clarke. You are bleeding" Lexa wrapped an arm around Clarke's waist, careful of where her fingers landed, to support her "Let me help you first. Come on."

Clarke wanted to protest, to argue with Lexa and make sure there wasn't any harsh damage to her throat. But there was no way to win an argument with Lexa on such a matter, considering she was still the commander of the 12 clans. If Lexa wanted something, there is no denying that she would get it.

Lexa pulled her into a room not far from where they were attacked. She lightly dropped Clarke onto the bed, which had been tucked into the corner of the room to make room for the other furniture. The perfect placement of a coffee table must have been more important to the owners. Mugs of old coffee still sat on the table, two empty seats were spread far and messily tipped on the side where the couple had rushed out to the fifth level of their home. The leg of the chair had been partially burnt where it had been tipped into the fireplace, which had long since burnt out, during the urgent escape.

Lexa's hands fumbled through the drawers beside the bed in search of a cloth to stop the bleeding. It was strange to Clarke, seeing the commander so nervous in her actions. Usually, she was confident with every movement and decision. But now, it was like she was unsure about everything. She found an old t-shirt which must have belonged to the man that once lived here. There were already small splotches of blood in the fabric.

"Keep a hold on it here" Lexa instructed, eyebrows furrowed as she placed Clarke's hand over the fabric pressed to her shoulder. Air hissed between the blondes teeth at the sudden pressure.

"Lexa I think I would know how to-" Clarke frowned as she saw Lexa pull out her dagger "Lexa what are you doing?"

The commander looked down at Clarke. Even in the pain Clarke was in, her heart skipped at beat as she saw the emerald of her eyes stare down at her, not a single piece of the commander in them. Just... just Lexa.

Lexa turned, retrieving a box of matches from the coffee table, frowning at them. Did she even know how to use them? Surely grounders had no idea what they even were, never mind how to actually light one. Clarke opened her mouth to ask as the fresh flame burst to life at Lexa's fingertips, illuminating her features. She closed her mouth again. Her eyes followed Lexa as she crouched down to light the fire, one hand pressed to the overmantel which was patterned with grape vines and flowers. Clarke recognised them as convolvulus. It had been months since the fire had last been lit, and when it did, the flames jumped to life, swaying and curling almost in joy.

"You can either remove your shirt" Lexa said quietly over the cackling of the fire as it licked at the wooden logs. "or I can cut it. It would only mean finding you a new shirt."

She reached down and positioned the tip of the dagger at the newly exposed source of heat, eyes fixed on the burning wood. It was like she was hypnotised, leant on one knee as the flames jumped and twirled before her eyes. Her eyes, which were a pale green in the yellowing light. Clarke's hand tightened around the fabric which she held to her wound. She sighed.

"Help me take it off then" she said, and when Lexa looked up to her, she quickly added "please"

Lexa was at her side before the final word even came out. But she didn't touch her. She just stared down at her, waiting for instructions almost like a maid serving royalty.

Clarke began pushing herself up, wincing as the ache in her shoulder suddenly shot to life, winding its way through her bones and through every nerve in her right arm. Lexa's hand pressed into her back to support her. Slowly and carefully, Clarke wedged one arm out of the shirt, but the other remained still as she tried to tug the shirt over her head. The motions were useless.

"Lexa" she said, signalling with a small nod to her predicament "a little help?"

Lexa's braids fell over her eyes as she reached with her free hand to lift the bottom of Clarke's shirt up, careful not to aggravate the bullet wound. She then gently pulled Clarke's arm out of the sleeve, earning a small yelp from the injured girl who sat supported by her other hand.

Lexa lay her back down, carefully. As though any sudden or harsh movement would cause her to shatter. Her eyes remained fixed on the site of the bleeding, as if afraid to move her eyes anywhere, like it could jump out and bite her with her back turned. She moved closer, tilting her head to get a closer look.

"There is no clear entrance point" Lexa said, fingers lightly tracing around the swollen flesh surrounding Clarke's wound, wiping away the blood "The weapon must have only grazed over your shoulder. There is no exit wound either."

"I didn't know you knew what bullet wounds look like" If Clarke's shoulder didn't feel like it had been tossed into a burning hot furnace, what she said would have been a joke. Something to laugh about. But as of right now, she was deadly serious.

"I do not." Lexa said. Great Clarke thought. "But I know arrow wounds well. Although the metal... pellets launched from guns are considerably smaller, they are still near the same."

"Lex-"

"Am I wrong?" Lexa asked. Clarke sighed, turning her head to see the damage inflicted on her shoulder. She had been trying not to look at it, but now she felt like she had to.

Sure enough, Clarke found that Lexa was in fact right. Who knew a commander who caused so much death and betrayal would also know how to save someone?

"Okay" Clarke said "now what?"

"You are still bleeding heavily. I have no choice but to cauterise the wound"

"Or you could stitch it"

"I do not have a steady hand when it comes to this, Clarke. I would leave behind a much more noticeable scar if I used mountain men ways to heal you"

"It's not just mount weathers way. Skaikru do it too. We're quite good at it actually" Clarke said as Lexa took the dagger from the Fire. As of now, she was just ranting to distract herself of what would come next. Lexa caught on to this in an instant, Clarke's ideas spreading like wildfire right into Lexa's own ideas.

"I thought you said you weren't skaikru, Clarke." She said. The blade glowed a harsh, unforgiving Amber as it hovered over Clarke's shoulder.

"I'm not" she said, eyes fixed on the glaring yellow metal before her "Maybe I'm my own clan. Or maybe I'm trikru, considering I lived in the woods for months on end... fuck!"

Lexa pressed the flat side of the metal down onto the gap torn into Clarke's shoulder. The sizzle of blood as it reached high temperature sent pain racing up and down her body. Her flesh sealed closed, the skin around it an angered red colour in response to the heat. Lexa removed the dagger.

"I have a severe case of aphantasia when it comes to that idea, Clarke... metaphorically anyway"

There were so many things all at once. Several questions revolving around that single response from Lexa, the throbbing pain in her shoulder. The sudden realisation that they had still not yet made contact with Raven back in Polis...

"What's aphantasia?" Was the first thing she asked.

"It's a condition where one cannot visualise things in their mind. Of course, I do not have it. But I used it as an example to say I cannot picture you as trikru"

"Why?"

"A girl who falls from the sky" Lexa tucked her dagger back into its sheath "will always belong in the sky"

"Im not the same girl who fell from the sky" Clarke said

"Clearly" She responded "how does your arm feel?"

"Hurts" Clarke mumbled. Lexa let out a low, throaty chuckle.

"It should" she said, her voice breaking only slightly. Her fingers trailed down the defined bruises on her own neck, the skin now raised in swelling. Clarke had, in the heat of her own injuries, forgotten about Lexa's.

"You should put some ice on that" Clarke said, eying the blue and purple which littered Lexa's neck.

"As if I will find any in the middle of a mountain, Clarke" Lexa rolled her eyes. The sudden playful (ish) behaviour came across as a shock to Clarke. Maybe it was Lexa's way on trying to cheer Clarke up, or maybe it was because Lexa didn't feel the pressure to help her. Whatever it was, it was weird.

"Ever heard of an ice machine?" Clarke responded. Judging by Lexa's silence after that, she hadn't.

"You should get some rest" Lexa said, giving Clarke's shoulder one last check over before moving away from the bed, pulling a blanket over Clarke's upper half "Ill find another room to stay in."

The thought suddenly terrified her. Staying alone in a room, defenceless with a wounded shoulder, sleeping. She didn't want to get hurt, and she didn't want Lexa hurt either. As Lexa's slender fingers wrapped around the door handle, Clarke raised her voice.

"Lexa wait" she said. Lexa paused, frozen in movement as she turned her head "Don't go"

"But-"

"I don't want to be alone"

Lexa fully turned around to look at Clarke, her eyes burning into her, hotter than the dagger and the fire combined. The flames that danced off to her side reflected off of the green of her eyes, creating the image of a forest fire. Clarke could only hope the blue of her own could extinguish it before it grew out of control.

"Okay" Lexa said softly. She weaved her way around the table to the couch, where she removed her boots and armour. She dropped the weighted protection onto the table in front of her, the buckles clanking against the wood as she did so. She then kicked her feet up, tucking her legs in slightly to curl up.

"If you need me, Clarke, do not hesitate to wake me" she whispered, closing her eyes.

Clarke lay on her back, head turned to watch Lexa. The rise and fall of the commander's chest became the rise and fall of her own chest. The loose, calm expression of the commander's face, because the expression of her own face. Slowly, her eyes began to droop closed to the soft, even breathing of the other woman in the room.


	14. Chapter 14

Clarke sat in front of the fire on the warm rug before it, slumped against the table beside it with her legs tucked underneath her comfortably. After much digging around, she had found a pencil and paper. And, with her injured arm dangling helplessly to one side, decided to draw to fill in the time.

The hard lead of her pencil brushing against the rough paper filled the room, and then joined by the soft crackle of flames behind her. Every once in a while, her eyes would flick up from her artwork to land on Lexa, cornflower blue hovering over the commander's features before moving back down to capture them. Lexa breathed heavily in her sleep, chest rising and falling harshly. Clarke could only guess it was from lack of air. Her throat must be a lot worse than she thought.

Clarke traced the elegant swell of Lexa's lips, eyes furrows in concentration and, as she glanced up, she saw Lexa stir slightly in her sleep. Her tongue darted out between her parted lips, attempting to remove the dryness subconsciously. Her head moved to rest more comfortably against the arm of the couch, and she pulled her arm closer to her chest. Clarke frowned and looked down at her drawing, slightly frustrated that Lexa had changed positions, now making her artwork rather inaccurate. She bit her lip as she tried to adjust the drawing to Lexa's new position.

That was, until she moved again. This time, her long strengthened legs kicked out, eyes wide as she quickly pushed herself into a sitting position. Her hands gripped tightly onto the sides of the couch, and her head turned to look around the room at a fast pace.

Clarke dropped her pencil at the sudden rushed movement, taken by surprise. That didn't stop her, though, from dropping her paper and moving to Lexa's side to provide some sort of comfort. Lexa's breath caught in her throat as Clarke's hand landed softly upon her leg, her eyes still searching the room with... with fear. She was like a whole other girl.

"Hey" Clarke leant forward to catch her eyes, to bring her attention to something other than what she had just awoken from "hey, you're okay"

Lexa's breaths came out in rapid, inhaling nothing but small gasps. She leant forward, hands pressing to her forehead. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed down her fear. She seemed so... vulnerable. It was strange for Clarke to see her strength falter.

"What were you dreaming about?" She asked, eyebrows pulled together into a concerned frown.

"I-" Lexa pushed herself to sit more comfortably. Even now after plenty of rest, her voice was croaky from the attack. Clarke's hand remained on her leg, thumb brushing back and forth against her knee. It wasn't meant to be anything more than comforting, and that's all it was. To both of them. "Past commanders communicate with the present commander through sleep. They show memories and speak. They all showed me a section of their lives I do not ever wish to see or live, Clarke"

When Lexa stared at the ground, Clarke shook her head subtly. What was she even talking about? Past commander's communicating with her through her dreams? She thought Lexa must be paranoid.

"It was just a nightmare" Clarke assured "how about we talk about it-"

"No. No, I can tell the difference between a nightmare and this" Lexa turned to her, eyes urgent "They are not just nightmares Clarke. They are real."

"And what exactly did they show you?"

Lexa pushed herself to the edge of the couch, ready to stand. She pressed a palm to her temple, as if somehow, it would drive all of the nightmares from her head.

"We do not need this distraction" Lexa said, straightening her back as she stood, blinking rapidly and swaying ever so slightly. Her face hardened in determination "we... we must open the door to security and contact Raven."

Clarke stared up at her and, for a moment, completely forgot about the drawing. It was splayed across the rug beside the pencil, scattered in her rush to comfort Lexa.

Her eyes dropped down, remembering. The other girl followed her eyes, crouching down and sliding the paper between her fingertips as she picked it up. Her eyes roamed over the fresh lines of lead.

"Oh... that's uh... it's not finished..." Clarke attempted to come up with some explanation. Some excuse to make it okay that she drew the commander as she slept...

"Clarke, it is well drawn" Lexa said after a small period of silence, staring down at her own sleeping form. It was so silent it made Clarke squirm in her discomfort. "I'm sure not even the finest artists in Polis can paint like this"

"I..." Clarke tilted her head "Thank you"

Lexa simply nodded, hands lightly massaging the bruises on her neck as she winced "How is your arm?" She asked.

"Hurts" Clarke commented, lifting a shoulder "your neck?"

"Hurts" Lexa replied. She turned her back to Clarke, placing the drawing on the coffee table. Clarke could still see the small smile that Lexa's lips produced in the reflection of the glass table.

She could only guess they were thinking about the same thing. The time where Clarke saved Lexa from Pauna. She wondered if Lexa remembered the fact that she actually saved Lexa's life. She could still remember the softness in her voice when she reassured Clarke by telling her she was safe. That they were safe.

Clarke stared at Lexa's back. Could they ever be safe again?

"Let me have a look" She said, moving up behind Lexa. It took them both by surprise when their noses skimmed past each other. It was never Clarke's intention to move so close, but there they were, stood closely; stood with their lips only inches from each other, sharing each others breaths.

She felt Lexa's chest brushing against her own. It's funny, Clarke had never gotten lost in a forest since she touched the ground. Now, she was completely and utterly lost in the trees that stared right back into her own eyes.

She couldn't move back, she couldn't take a single step back to creat the distance between them that she denied so quickly. Clarke lifted her hands, fingers landing lightly on the tender skin of Lexa's neck.

"It's very swollen" Clarke whispered, her thumb running carefully over the small lump on Lexa's throat, which bobbed under her gentle weight as she swallowed.

"I'm sure I'll live" Lexa whispered back, her voice husky and still laced with sleep.

"And you'll have a nasty bruise for a while" Clarke added, taking the smallest step back to look down at Lexa's neck "my mother can probably do a better job at checking you over."

She tipped Lexa's chin up with a single finger to get a better look at her purpling skin. She had already seen it enough to know Lexa would be okay, and Clarke wasn't entirely sure why she felt such concern for the commander, but she did. It was almost like she was afraid that Lexa's neck would transform into a gaping bullet hole if she didn't check it over every five minutes.

"We've waited long enough. We must go now" Lexa said, moving swiftly and silently past Clarke.

As Clarke left the room, she noticed that her drawing was missing from where Lexa had left it. She also manage to notice the new found emptiness she now felt in front of her.

Lexa stood with her hands tucked rather awkwardly behind her back as she watched Clarke swipe the card, earning a loud click from the door before her. She nudged it open with her foot, moving in.

"We should do this quick. The faster we're back the better. We've already been delayed enough." Clarke said, plugging in a few cables to get the radio up and running. Lexa watched in confusion as the blonde set up the radio, bringing the hand piece up to speak into it.

"Raven?" She spoke "please tell me I'm not speaking to a piece of dead plastic"

Lexa tilted her head, eyes meeting Clarke's. Obviously Lexa didn't know how a radio worked, or didn't even know what it was. Clarke realised she must look completely insane to her.

"Yes, Clarke. You're speaking to a piece of dead fabric." Raven's static voice came back through the radio, causing Lexa to step back slightly from the functioning tech.

"Thank god I am" Clarke smiled "now, what do I do?"

"What took you so long? I've been sat here wasting away my life waiting for you to radio in." Raven continued, the curiosity of the girl finding its way out again.

"It took us a while to get in to the control room"

Clarke looked over at Lexa, both girls knowing why she had left out the part where they had been attacked. If Raven found out she would panic and it would make everything twice as complicated as it already was.

"Okay then..." Ravens voice drifted off "you need to find where the missiles are situated. Go onto the computer. The systems should still be online and hacked into since Monty was last in. Can you see the main computer?"

Clarke's eyes found the computer sat before the many screens of the control room, wires splayed out beside it where the keyboard had been pulled out and furiously typed upon "yeah"

"Open it up and get searching" Ravens voice filled the room through the radio as Clarke sat down in the swivel chair, pulling herself towards the desk. Her eyes flicked over the digital images on screen before her, moving the mouse to open up the system. Lexa hovered over her shoulder as she watched the screen.

As Clarke ran through the files, one stood out to her in particular. In the reflection of the monitor, Clarke can see Lexa looking confused at her frown. She had almost forgotten that Lexa can't read.

"They have files on your people. Polis and the clans" Clarke explained, clicking on the folder as her curiosity got the better of her. Lexa leans closer to the screen as if trying to figure out what words the digital letters form on the monitor.

"What's taking you so long?" Raven asked "have you found it yet or not?"

"Not yet, Raven. We found something."

"What is it?"

Clarke frown grew as she read through the list of documents within the file.

•Boundaries

•Leaders

•Polis

Clarke knew they would have this information. The leaders and clan boundaries were well known amongst the grounder's, and Polis was, of course, their capital. But then she scrolled down.

•Commander Leksa of the Woods Clan

•Sky people locations

•Clarke Griffin of the sky people

Clarke stared at her own name. Why would the mountain men need so much information on her? Yes they were at war, but where would they even get the information from? Who would give them it?

"Clarke, what is this?" Lexa's breath blew against her neck as she looked over her shoulder. Clarke could only wished she could control the goosebumps rising on her neck. She reaches up to scratch them away.

"They have documents with information about you. And me"

"What about you?" Lexa questions. She tugs up another chair beside Clarke to sit in interest. It's strange. Lexa didn't show that she cared if they knew anything about her. Just Clarke...

"I don't know. I don't know if I want to find out. I already know everything about myself." She said then frowns "why don't you care about what they know about you?"

"Because they are gone, Clarke. The information that they have is useless." Lexa said

"So why care about mine?"

Lexa pauses and glances down at her "curiosity, perhaps" she says, and directs her gaze to the screen again "you're not going to read my information?"

"No" Clarke tilted her head at the commander "why would I?"

"Because you might find out something that would benefit you? It could expose every weakness of my clans if they had any. It could expose my own personal weaknesses. Aren't you going to do that?" Lexa asked. Clarke rolled her eyes. The commander never stopped being so extreme and serious. Never.

"No. I'm a good enough leader to trust my own decisions. And my decision is to trust you. Besides..." Clarke exited the folder, eyes fixated on the artificial light which flooded from the monitor, reflecting off of her eyes "I already know your weaknesses"

Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Lexa tilt her head down to watch herself play with her own hands as she frowned. Silence overtook them once more until Clarke found the folder titled 'weapons' she lifted the radio to speak.

"Alright Raven, I'm in the weapons folder. What now?"

There was a small crackle of disfigured radio waves before Raven responded "have a look. Is there anything that could look like missile locations?"

Clarke's eyes skipped over the list until she spotted a suspicious name "what about 'System launch software'?"

"Nah. That's probably storing the launch codes. Keep looking."

Clarke sighed, once again staring at the screen. All Lexa could do was sit and watch blue the blue orbs slip across the screen as she read.

"How about 'tactical ballistic missile launch sequence'?"

The line went dead for a split second before Raven responded once again. Clarke could hear the ruffling of paper from the other side.

"Open that up, Clarke. If maybe if we can match up the launch codes to the correct missile then we can figure out where they are. That is, if they have locations" Raven rambled as Clarke opened up the folder.

"Alright. They have lists of different names. Their locations are with them." Clarke said "now what?"

"Mount weather launched a missile on TonDC right? They can't have that many missiles left, two hopefully. Right?"

"Yes" Clarke confirmed

"I have the two launch codes here. They're the ones still active. You know where they are now" Clarke took note that they were both on level five, but at opposite sides. "Get your asses over there and tell me when you get there. I need to direct you through the technical love life of cutting red and green wires" Raven snorted. Clarke shut down the computer and rose from her seat, rolling her eyes.

"Sounds so romantic, Raven."

"I've had better dates. Believe me." She snickered before the line cut off again, leaving the room in silence. Lexa followed Clarke out of the door, and their trip down the many stairwells stayed in a comfortable silence that both Lexa and Clarke didn't seem to mind. It was only until Clarke set the radio down beside the newly found missile that Lexa raised her voice.

"Clarke?" She says quietly. The sudden amount of... shyness in her voice caused Clarke's head to raise up from the radio.

"Yeah?"

"I..." She frowned "could you teach me how to read?"

Clarke emptied her hands, wiping them subconsciously on her pants to rid them of any sweat. She remembered seeing the writing in Lincolns notebook, the signs outside TonDC.

"Most of us know how to read." Lexa explained with a crease between her brows "I never got to learn how to"

Clarke wanted to ask how. Wanted to question her. Wanted to understand what Lexa learnt instead of reading. But instead, she just nodded her head.

"Of course" She agrees. To Clarke, it feels more like a promise than an agreement and for some reason, she's okay with that feeling.

She settled on her knees as she radioed Raven, receiving the information she needs to diffuse the missile and describing ever minuscule wire inside the open compartment. Lexa offered up her own sharp knife to cut the wire, which Clarke took gladly. She had her own knife, but it was blunt.

"Don't blow up" Raven's voice echoed through the room as Clarke sighed, slicing the wire in half and exposing the inner copper wiring "are you dead yet?"

"No Raven. We're fine"

"Damnit."

"What was that?"

"I said I'm glad" both Lexa and Clarke could sense the smirk from where they were stood. The both exchanged knowing glances before making their way to the other side of the floor, quickly diffusing the next missile.

Clarke liked the comfortable silence that settled between the two girls, only exchanging small glances with each other as they cut up individual wires. The lack of talking made her mind adventure into her thoughts. How was she even going to teach Lexa how to read? It's not like she had ever taught anyone before, and in all honestly, she had no clue how. She couldn't understand how she managed to agree so quickly, without hesitation at all... why did she agree?


	15. Chapter 15

It had never felt so good to leave somewhere before. She felt like the weight of death itself had been lifted from her shoulders when she weaved her way through the tall grass and wildflowers, Lexa by her side as they approached Polis.

A small amount a sweat glinted on her forehead in sunlight filled beads. Her eyes stayed brightly illuminated in the brightness of mid-day, fixed ahead on the path before them.

Clarke's hand tightened on the strap of her backpack "Lexa?"

There was a small amount of silence before Lexa responded "Yes, Clarke?"

"Why did you want to read?"

Lexa glanced at the blonde, seeming to argue with herself behind her own eyes.

"I believe it could come to my advantage" Lexa came up with, resulting in a raised eyebrow from Clarke. Lexa sighed "and... I used to listen to Anya read to me every night"

Clarke snorted at the thought. A little Lexa, curled up in bed with Anya reading her a bedtime story.

"What'd she read you? The three little pigs?" She grinned at her own joke.

"No. Macbeth" she responded

"Jesus... and you were a little kid?" Clarke questioned

"Yes. She believed that reading me stories like that would prevent me from becoming an ignominious and dishonourable leader. She hoped that it would teach me that the greed for power would destroy me." She frowned

"So you became the commander of the 12 clans?" Clarke raised an eyebrow

"I became the commander of the 12 clans to ensure peace amongst my people. I gave up many things to achieve it. I showed mercy, even to those who did not deserve it."

Clarke nodded. She had heard from Niylah that the ice nation had murdered Costia brutally, and yet she let them into the coalition to bring peace. Even though she wanted to kill every last one of them. It's strange to think that even now, Costia ends up showing herself to Lexa in any form she can. In the form of the nature which Lexa surrounds herself in. In the anger Lexa felt towards the ice nation after her death. The anger she still holds deep down. Clarke decides to change the subject when she sees the hurting expression on Lexa's face.

"Anya taught you well" She mentioned "You're a great leader"

"Even the best leaders make mistakes, both of us know that"

"Maybe so. But we fight to make sure ourselves and our people survive. Anya taught you to keep fighting, and bring peace. She wanted peace and you brought it."

"How did she die?" Lexa turned towards her, stopping in her tracks not far from Polis "You gave me minimal information on her death. I wish to know more."

Clarke stopped just ahead of Lexa, feet buried in the grass below her. She sighed at the bright shades of green. "I found her in mount weather caged up with your people. I broke her free and together we escaped. It's funny, she originally wanted to bring me to you as her prisoner"

"What stopped her?"

"I did. I turned the tables and went to take her back to my own people, only to find out they weren't there. We fought."

"Did she do her usual distraction technique?"

"What distraction?"

"Did she throw mud into your face?" The look on Clarke's face only answered Lexa's question, and the smallest smile crept up onto Lexa's face "she did that to me often when she trained me. Did you win?"

"Only because she was heavily sedated. I found my people later, with Anya still tied up. That was when we agreed to help each other. She wanted to convince you that skaikru and trikru should form an alliance and stop the war."

"But she never made it back" Lexa's smile faded "how?"

"My camp saw us as grounder's. Both of us" Clarke's eyebrows knitted into a self hating frown "the bullet hit her before she could leave"

Lexa let out a harsh sigh as she continued ahead, red dash catching on the delicate flowers near her boots "there is a purpose for every death, Clarke. Anya has joined us together. If you had not handed home her token of death the day you walked into my tent, you would have been the first of your people to die"

"Token of death?" Clarke asked. She couldn't remember a token.

"You cut off a piece of her hair, and brought it to us. It is a tradition of trikru, a tradition known as a token of death" Lexa exhaled once more "I could not thank you enough for returning a piece of her back to me."

Clarke stayed silent after that as they approached the heavily guarded gates of Polis. It seemed like the amount of defence in Polis had tripled since they first arrived here, and by Lexa's quickened pace, she knew something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong.

Jayden ran the rest of the way to meet his Heda, dark eyes wide and alert as he glanced around.

"What is it, Jayden?" Lexa asked

"Heda, Ice nation attacked." He said, eyes falling on Clarke

"Here?" Clarke asked. Looking at Polis now, there were many guards and warriors, but by a single dead body. No trace of war. She gave Jayden a confused look.

"No"

"Then where, Jayden?" Lexa spoke in rushed sentences, growing impatient with her words.

"Arkadia"

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Clarke had been up all night with Raven, attempting to radio in to Arkadia to talk to any survivors. They both knew at heart, through, that they would receive no response.

Raven had explained that Bellamy went on a visit to Arkadia when Azgeda warriors attacked. He found the camp swallowed by flames.

"There has to be someone out there" Clarke ran her hands through her hair "we have to keep trying"

"Clarke, there's only so much I can do, okay!" Raven exclaimed, slamming a hand on the table "If they're dead, they're dead! There's no response! Don't you get that? The radio could have been destroyed in the fire. We have no clue!"

"There's got to be something we can do, Raven!"

"There's nothing!" Raven pushed herself from the table "there's nothing Clarke!"

There was a small knock, and the two girls to find Lexa leant against the doorframe, arms crossed.

"What do you want?" Raven glared. Right now, she hated everyone, and anyone because she was angry. Angry at herself.

"A few members of Arkadia turned up at our gates a few moments ago. They're in my throne room, if you would like to speak to them." Lexa said.

Although her voice was just as harsh as usual, her eyes showed something different. Something like pity... or perhaps sadness. Raven stood and hobbled past her in an instant to go find her friends. Clarke remained silent, staring back at Lexa.

"Thank you, Lexa" she whispered softly, a hand reaching out. Clarke laced her fingers with Lexa's slender ones. The commander's rough palm brushed against her own, no doubt becoming of such a texture from the amount of weapons she has clutched in them. Clarke tugged on her hands and pulled her into a tight hug, feeling Lexa go rigid in her arms at the sudden action.

"You do not need to thank me, Clarke" she whispered. Her arms finally wrapped around the other girl to hold her "I owe you so much more"

Clarke fell silent for a moment, relishing in the comfort of Lexa's embrace. It felt right. No matter how much she knew it was wrong, it felt so right. Like her own body was meant to be wrapped in Lexa's arms. She held her breath and moved out of the brunette's grasp.

"I should go" she whispered, turning and running to the throne room to meet her friends. Lexa was left behind, arms dropping back to her sides with a deep sigh.

'What just happened?'

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"Monty?" Clarke pushed the door closed behind her and hugged the young man tightly.

He was covered in ash and dirt, but still, his bright beaming smile never failed or faltered at the sight of his friends. Clarke could only wonder, how could he always stay so positive?

"Hey, Clarke" Harper said sadly, pulling the blonde into a hug.

"Hey... what happened to you guys?" Clarke questioned. She looked behind her friends to see a group of people sharing the same ashy and dirty look.

"We had a few complications" she said "well... more than a few."

"Tell me what happened"

"The attack didn't come from outside the camp" Murphy rolled his eyes "It came from inside it"

"Inside?" Octavia questioned

"Yeah, Farmstation took a deal" Murphy shoved his hands into his pockets "Pike destroyed the ark from the inside, and his people escaped. In return the queen made a deal to help bring down the entire coalition. He wants Lexa's head, and yours too."

The group exchanged glances, with Octavia looking at Lincoln, who directed his gaze to Clarke. Clarke looked around every single survivor. Every single one of her people. Monty. Jasper. Monroe. Fox. Octavia. Bellamy. Raven. Harper. Marcus. Her mother. Even Lincoln. Other Ark members exchanged looks too.

"We all know what we have to do" Clarke crossed her arms

"Yeah, kill the commander!" Called a red headed man from the back, he punched the air "We want her head!"

"Wait-"

"Death to the commander!" Another yelled. Cheering followed. This was not good, not at all. Clarke needed Lexa; she needed her more than she even knew.

"Enough!" Clarke yelled at the top of her lungs, so loud her throats clenched at the sheer force. Silence filled the room.

"The commander is helping us!" She glared at them "you don't want her head. You want the ice queen's. You want Pike's."

"We don't kill our own" the red headed man step forward from the crowd "Pike is one of us"

"Not anymore" Clarke stepped forward to him and spoke angrily, as if another word would cause her to explode "he made that decision when he betrayed you"

"Lexa betrayed us" Murphy sighed "what makes it any different?"

"Because she's trying to make that right" Clarke said "if she wasn't, you'd all be dead by now, and Azgeda would have skaikru weapons."

"And what if she just decides to pop a nuke up our asses?" Murphy questioned "hell, I'm not ready for my ass to be blown up yet."

Raven rolled her eyes "we don't have nukes, Murphy. If I don't want it to go boom, it doesn't exist. That means that nukes don't exist. Not anymore. Got that?"

"Guys! People here don't know how to use the weapons that they're storing. We do" Octavia said, shoving back Murphy "you guys might not trust Lexa, but trust Clarke. Hell, she got you our people out of mount weather. She saved the original members of skaikru at the dropship. Every move she makes is the one that benefits out people, no matter how you like it. I trust Clarke and so far, that's enough"

Clarke paused looking to her friend with thankful eyes. Octavia nodded back to her in response.

"I suggest everyone makes friends with the grounders here in Polis. If we're going to win the war against Azgeda, and unfortunately farm station, we have to work together." Clarke said "is there any problem with that?"

"Yes. Are you forgetting who these people are?" Bellamy asked "they killed so many of our people!"

"And we killed so many of theirs! We need to stop killing each other, Bellamy! We're the only people left on this planet, and if we carry on killing, there will be nobody." Clarke glared "We forgive them, is that understood?"

Bellamy glared back at Clarke, jaw clenched along with his fists "you're making a big mistake that will cost us our lives" he growled

"You can leave, Bellamy. Go with Pike. Is that what you want?"

"I think that if went with Pike" he shoved past Clarke "I'd have a greater chance of surviving."

"That's bullshit and you know it!" Octavia yelled, but Bellamy had already left the throne room. The door had hardly closed before Lexa entered. Clarke's heart stopped.

"Where is he going?" She questioned, sword grasped tightly in her sheath at the uneasy looks thrown her way by skaikru.

"To Pike" Clarke mentioned

"I hope you realise that once he had left, he will be unable to renter Polis." Lexa said "I cannot risk a spy here"

"Don't worry, I won't let him come back" Octavia grumbled.

Lexa and Octavia stared at each other, probably longer than was necessary. It was like they were deciding whether or not to challenge each other or befriend each other, both stood with hands on sheaths. Clarke could feel the tension radiating off then two, and she felt the recognisable worry rising in her chest as she watched the scene play out.

Lexa made the first move, offering out her hand. Octavia grasped her forearm tightly in a grounder's embrace, accepting the peace offering. Clarke let out a quite sigh.

"We fight together as one clan until the war is over" Lexa said "then we live in peace"

Octavia nodded, and Lexa released her grasp on the girl, looking over her shoulder to Clarke.

"I hope that your people can become accustomed to life here in Polis. I'm sure the people here will have no hesitation offering tents to them outside of the tower" Lexa's eyes ran over the survivors. There were still many alive, more than both she and Clarke thought. "Any wounded will be treated by our healers"

"I'm sure that's not necessary" Abby commented, crossing her arms "I am more than capable"

"If you wish" Lexa tipped her head to the side "however, please accept those I send to aid you with your healing"

Abby frowned before nodding again. Clarke couldn't understand why Lexa was going through so much effort to help her people. She was acting like they were her own, and she didn't know why. She couldn't understand why Lexa cared so much. Her stomach twisted as tied itself in knots.

"Thank you" Clarke said. Lexa nodded once again.

"If your people need anything more, feel free to find me training with my men to discuss matters" Lexa, with that, turned to leave once again. Clarke stared after her and she could faintly feel her heart beginning to beat again.

'Jesus Christ' she thought, rubbing the space over her heart 'What the hell was that?'


	16. Chapter 16

Clarke pushed through the doors to walk onto the training ground in the early morning. She had never slept so well in months, expecting to go to bed and dream of those she couldn't save. Or those she had to kill to save the ones she could. But instead she woke up, not even remembering falling asleep, with the light of the morning flooding through the open balcony. For the first time, she actually wanted to go back to sleep and curl into the forest-smelling covers of her bed.

She walked across the cracked tiles of the training ground just outside of the commander's home. Raven was already sat on the steps, watching the commander and her best men. Clarke chuckled. Even now, Raven couldn't help but give into the sight of shirtless men.

Clarke rolled her eyes and sat beside Raven "no doubt Jayden is here training with-" Clarke's mouth went dry as she looked up, eyes landing on the grounders.

Lexa swung her fist viciously at Luna, and Clarke could almost feel the power behind the simple blow. But this time Lexa was dressed in less clothing with the scorching summer heat. Sweat rolled down her sharp jaw, dripping down from her chin and landing in the dirt. Her stomach muscles flexed and twisted with her body as she blocked a hit from Luna. Clarke swore she was going to pass out, and not from the heat.

"Griffin" Raven elbowed Clarke "are you staring at Luna?"

Clarke suddenly realised that Luna was dressed similarly to Lexa, but of course, Luna didn't have the same effect on her as Lexa did. Not in the slightest...

"No" Clarke denied, crossing her arms. Raven couldn't even tease her, because she was telling the truth. She wasn't looking at Luna.

"Then who's making you squirm like that, Clarke?"

"I'm not squirming Raven" she said, suddenly becoming too aware of her actions. She made an effort to keep still for her own sake.

"Bullshit Clarke. You might not have been lying last time, but you definitely are now. Who-"

"Hello, Clarke" her voice made her jump in surprise, and Clarke lifted her head to find green fixed on her.

Green. Green. Green.

Green was all she saw.

"Hello, Lexa" she cleared her throat, ignoring Raven's fixed gazed.

"Is there something wrong?" Lexa questioned, directing her eyes between the two girls. When Lexa's eyes flicked away, Clarke's eyes flicked to the indents of her abs in her stomach. She caught herself before Lexa did.

"No. I just wanted to thank you for your help." Clarke said. Lexa offered a small smile to Clarke. A rare occurrence.

"Like I said, Wanheda. I owe you much more" she said "now, I understand that we must plan our actions against Azgeda and Farm station. I believe we should attack soon, and take them by surprise."

Clarke found herself confused. How come, even when the commander spoke of war, she found her attractive. She found herself giving up on trying to convince herself that the attraction wasn't there. Because it was.

"Clarke?" Lexa frowned. She had just been staring, thinking, mind wondering and subconsciously, eyes wondering too.

"So far, that sounds like a good plan. We'll talk about details when Raven can come up with some useful weapons."

Raven grinned between the blonde and the brunette "oh yeah... I can make it go boom"

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"So we don't know where farm station fled to" Lexa said "but we do know where Azgeda is. We have captured and held the Azgeda prince, Roan, as prisoner here in Polis. I'm sure we can have him provide information on the positions of the ice nation's defences."

"How long have you had him?" Clarke questioned. Luna lent back against the table behind her, crossing her arms looking across at the commander.

"A long time" Luna responded for Lexa, who sent a small glare her way "when everyone hunted you Clarke, Price Roan was one of the main hunters sent out by Azgeda. The Ice Queen had banished him, and you were his ticket back home"

Lexa sighed and messed with the corner of a map, looking rather fed up. Abby's eyes followed her movements closely, frowning.

"That still doesn't explain why he ended up locked away in Polis with you" Clarke said, the task of planning lost to her own curiosity.

"Lexa locked him away in case he managed to-"

"May we focus on the task at hand?" Lexa said through gritted teeth. She sent a glare capable of sending even the fearless running for the hills. Luna redirected her eyes and looked at the ground.

"Now, where's Azgeda stationed?" Octavia followed Lexa's wishes and continued with the discussion. The commander looked slightly relieved.

"Azgeda territory is north, here" Lexa pointed to the markings on the map, with letters sprawled across it to label it as ice nation. Clarke noticed that Lexa must have memorised clan territories, and it definately wasn't her that labelled the map. The young blonde gave the commander a short lasting side glance.

"Okay, so there aren't any clans that surround them. The closest ones we have are the ones south of them" Raven scratched her chin "has anyone been past Ice Nation territory? Like more north than them?"

"No... it is near impossible to make it that far past Azgeda. Why?" Jayden frowned

"Surround them" Clarke looked up at Raven "is that your idea?"

"Well, yes. And that big castle, which is the furthest north may I add, looks like something I'd love blow up" Raven smirked "all I need is to position myself north of the clan."

"Whilst we attack from the south, you attack from the north?" Lexa asked

"Exactly. Unless you have a better idea?"

"Yes. But no." Lexa frowned "I believe that this is a better option"

"What was your other option?" Clarke asked, reaching across the table to pull the map closer and get a better look at it. Her fingers skimmed Lexa's; her heart leaped to her mouth.

"That's not an option at all, Heda" Luna said before Lexa could even speak.

"What's not an option?" Abby asked

"Challenging the Ice queen herself in a dual" Luna said, crossing her arms "it won't happen"

"And why's that?"

"Because if our commander dies, who do you think will take the throne? I assure you that it will not be me, and it will not be trikru!" She exclaimed

"Ice nation..."

"Ice nation have their own nightblood. Ontari. Luna rejects the flame even although it is her birth right. My successors are still too young to take the position as commander, although Titus may say otherwise. If an Azgeda commander rises to the throne, peace will me a mere legend between the clans." Lexa sighed "I believe Raven's plan is the best option unless an improved idea is brought to question it"

The people in the room exchanged glances, the brown eyes of Raven meeting the darker brown of Jayden's. The green of Octavia's eyes meeting the brown of Lincolns.

The explosions of blue in Clarke's meeting the bold green of Lexa's.

"Then let's do it" Clarke said, and Lexa nodded in agreement. She stared at the girl for a moment before the blonde sighed and pushed herself from leaning against the table "Commander I need to speak with you."

Lexa gave Clarke a look as if to say 'go on...' The entire contents of the room stared at the two women.

"Alone" she added. Lexa nodded once again.

"Luna, prepare the remaining clans. I want every clan ready to march against the south of Azgeda by tomorrow."

"We move tomorrow? I have no time!" Raven exclaimed

"No. We don't. We cannot be ill prepared for war." Lexa said and looked to Luna once again "so prepare"

The commander's friend, as it seemed, nodded and left immediately to do as she asked, and Lexa turned to follow the young blonde out of the room.

"I assume you need to speak privately on a personal topic?" Lexa questioned

"If it wasn't personal, we wouldn't be speaking alone" Clarke mumbled, and Lexa led her into a room for them to talk. The red, ripped curtains blew lightly in the breeze of the open balcony, and the candles had been recently blown out.

"I would beg to differ" Lexa said turning around to reveal a small smirk. Clarke suddenly had the inability to exhale after a rather large intake of breath.

"Listen, Lexa I don't want this war to end like the last one. I don't even want one at all, but..."

"But you don't have a choice. None of us do, Clarke" Lexa said, a sudden amount of softness in her voice. The blonde girl almost melted on the spot. "We do what we must, though"

"I think it's more the fact that I'm on your side of this war again, Lexa" she said

"I think it would be worse to be on the opposite side to me" She said with a shrug.

"You know what I mean. I don't want to have to fight on my own again because you chip out last minute to save your own people"

"I will in no way betray you again" Lexa said "I promise"

"You promise?"

"I promise" she said quietly, looking down at her feet. Clarke realised that once again, it wasn't the commander stood before her. It was Lexa.

Clarke took a small, halfhearted and hesitant step towards the brunette "Lexa..." she sighed. Lexa stared back at her. Clarke could feel her breath clashing with her own from the close range. Lexa's lips were so close...

"Clarke, we need to think of the war. We cannot afford any distractions whilst the sun gives us the time to do so." Lexa whispered, eyes as soft as her voice. Those green, green eyes.

Clarke let out a lone shaken breath "you're right" she whispered.

Her finger lightly traced over Lexa's sharp jaw. She vaguely remembered a discussion on the ark, about the Greek gods that were believed to rule over earth. One goddess, Aphrodite riddled her thoughts in that moment.

Yes. Lexa herself appeared to be carved from marble by the goddess Aphrodite herself. The blonde chuckled to herself as she watched her fingers drift across Lexa's skin. The girl who couldn't love, appearing to be made by the goddess of love, of beauty.

"Is there something funny, Clarke?" Lexa asked with a small frown, body leaning closer into Clarke's palm. Her smooth and careful voice drew the blonde out of her own thoughts. Again.

"No" Clarke shook her head quickly "No. I'm just thinking of something. And we're wasting time, Lexa. Let's go."

Clarke pulled herself away from the commander. Lexa's squared her shoulders, straightening her back.

"Yes. We are wasting time." Lexa made her way towards the door "I will speak with Titus on the matters"

Clarke followed Lexa towards the door. Something, she was unsure what, built up in the pit of her stomach. Whatever it was, she was afraid. She had to act on it. Now.

"Lexa, stop!" The yell slipped out before Lexa's hand even touched the door handle. The brunette girl turned around, a confused look etched between her brows.

"What is it, Clarke?" She asked "I told you not to worry, I won't betray you again. I never meant to hurt you so much"

Clarke moved forward to the point where her feet were wedged between Lexa's, bodies brushing, lips itching to touch. Clarke felt the itch spread through her body in harsh waves.

"Remember when you asked me, out side of mount weather, what I wanted? What I wanted when everything was over?"

"You said you didn't know" she said quietly. Her eyes, of which were the colour of Clarke's safe haven amongst the forest, fixed on her lips.

"I did" Clarke whispered. She could feel Lexa's soft breaths on her lips "But I was afraid to admit it"

"Then what did you want, Clarke?" Lexa questioned.

Clarke couldn't manage to fit her explanation into words. The time that the commander kissed her in her tent, she knew it was something she would want to experience. Over. And over. Again. She was just to afraid to accept it. Her hand snaked it's way around to cup the back of Lexa's neck, and she pulled the commander's lips to her own.

It was like Lexa had been asleep, staring at Clarke in a haze until she finally felt her kiss. And then she woke up. Lexa cupped Clarke's face and returned the kiss- slow. Gentle, kind... understanding. Clarke could feel every single one in that single kiss, and she never felt so welcomed by someone's lips. Not by Finn, and certainly not by Niylah. This was all the commander's doing, and as those long, slender fingers slid against her jaw, she was happy to allow the commander to continue.

"We should go" Lexa whispered against Clarke's lips, her breath heavy as she green eyes stared at her though her eyelashes. Clarke nodded, forehead rested against Lexa's. the only trouble was, neither of the two girls wanted to move.

"I agree" Clarke whispered back after a moment of silence. She moved away, instantly feeling the space between them, and opened the door. That feeling Clarke had felt before echoed through her body once again, like heat filling a cold and empty cave. She left without looking back at the commander.

"Jesus Christ" she whispered to herself, stopping after nearing the closest corner. Her hand rested over her pounding heart "how will this ever end well?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song used in this chapter was called 'Only love' by PVRIS. I really think it's relevant because I believe that the lyrics really mean something between Clarke and Lexa. I would suggest listening to it. It's good, I promise. I also did a cover on this song a while back (I'm a guitarist) and it's so fun to play. I really feel it, you know what I'm saying?

Clarke moved through candle light, pulling her own jacket tighter over the sleep wear she had been given. She weaved through the corridors silently, hoping to at some point stumble across the room she needed to find. Candle after candle, she followed them like a pathway. She finally came across a door, taller than the rest, with metal clasps to reinforce it. Clarke took a step forward, and lifted her hand.

This probably wasn't a good idea. She didn't even know if this was the correct room, let alone if it was right. She rapped her knuckles lightly against the door then stepped away, holding the book tightly in her hand. And she waited.

And waited longer.

Clarke sighed and ran her hand through her hair, distraught with herself that she had found the wrong room. She slowly turned on her heels to leave when the door creaked, and the light of the candles inside filled the corridor which fought the light with only a few small flames. Clarke turned back around, eyes wide.

Lexa's hand gripped the door gently, staring back at the blonde haired girl. Her hair which was usually weaved into vicious braids, flowed and cascaded freely over her shoulder. Her features were soft in the kind light, skin glowing against her own sleep wear.

"Clarke?" Lexa whispered, looking the other girl up and down with worry "what is it?"

Clarke, once again, was rendered speechless. She shook her head in attempt to explain. Nothing.

"Would you like to come in?" Lexa tried again, looking down the corridors of her home. Every time her head turned, the candles casted new areas of light across her face and illuminated every single detail. Clarke cleared her throat.

"Yes" she said, following Lexa's eyes. Silhouettes of her guards moved in the shadows, but didn't pay attention to them. Lexa moved aside and allowed Clarke to enter.

"Is there something wrong, Clarke?" Lexa tried once again, the door clicking shut behind her.

"No. No not at all." Clarke looked outside through Lexa's softly wavering curtains and to the night sky. "you said that we can't afford distractions while the sun gives us time. Right now, there is no sun"

Lexa sat down on her couch, back straight and posture still fixed to be perfect. She tilted her head.

"Then... what is it you would like whilst the moon has replaced the sun?"

Clarke slipped the book she had been carrying into Lexa's lap, and the brunette tipped her head to look down at it, hair falling forward.

"I'm going to teach you. Like you wanted." Clarke said softly as she settled herself down besides the commander "I saw you today, you couldn't read what was on the map."

"I know" Lexa held the book out in front of her, letting the light catch on the dark and scrappy front cover "what is it?"

"You said Anya read Macbeth to you. I found this copy in my room" Clarke said, and Lexa's eyes fixed on the ground in front of her "there is another reason why you want to learn to read, isn't there? Something you haven't told me yet"

Lexa looked up and stared at Clarke like a child who had just been caught lying to a parent. She nodded slowly as let out a small sigh.

"Costia owned a notebook of which she wrote everything down in. About the animals of which she found, the wars which she fought and the people she knew. She told me that she would read it out for me the day before she died" Lexa admitted "I wanted to read it for myself"

Clarke sympathetically rested a hand on Lexa's thigh, the other landing on her back. Of course, it would be that both areas were just skin where Lexa's nightwear didn't cover. It was too late to retreat her hands though, and she didn't really want to take them away. The soft skin was heavenly and, although Clarke didn't believe in such places as heaven and hell, Lexa made her think otherwise.

"I'm sorry" Clarke said "She didn't deserve to die the way she did. You both deserved better."

Lexa shook her head "no, Costia deserved better. She deserved another person, someone who wouldn't have got her killed. To be the commander is to be alone. I learned that well that day."

"Lexa, you're still human. You still bleed when you're cut, you still care for those who need you, you still love, Lexa. It doesn't matter if you're down there..." Clarke pointed to the streets of polis "or up here. You still have an equal right to love who you want."

Lexa was silent, and she directed her attention to the spine of the book "can you teach me to read this?"

Clarke nodded and the commander passed over the book "Ill read it to you first, okay?"

"Yes" Lexa said, and watched as Clarke opened the book, green eyes fixed on blue which flicked across the words. Clarke could see her out of the corner of her eye, and couldn't help the small smile which sneaked onto her lips as she read.

From time to time, a candle would extinguish itself, and Lexa would silently stand and move to relight it. Clarke would always pause her words to glance up at Lexa's back, where her nightwear proudly revealed the beauty of a back tattoo. Clarke would have to force her eyes to shift back to the words on paper. At the back of her mind, however, the thought of seeing it up close nibbled away at her.

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Clarke had to tug her eyes open, one after the other. And it was in that moment she realised she probably shouldn't have.

She had fallen asleep on Lexa's couch, in Lexa's room, with Lexa. And that very same Lexa was quietly tugging on a shirt for her day, back facing Clarke. And once again, her tattoo was shown perfectly. Lexa weaved around the room silently, attaching her dagger to her thigh, and her sword to her hip. Sharp edges on soft curves.

Clarke pushed herself up, stretching ever so slightly. The book which she couldn't even remember putting down, rested on the table facing down to keep its page. Clarke looked across at Lexa once again to see green fixed on her.

"Sorry, I don't even remember falling asleep. I would have gone back" Clarke apologised, rubbing the sleep from her eyes

"Do not apologise, Clarke. I am thankful that you are helping me" Lexa said with a small nod, coming to stand in front of her. She held out Clarke's jacket, which the blonde took.

"You should have just woke me up and kicked me out" Clarke chuckled, but she didn't earn a verbal response from Lexa. Just a small smile. Small, but still there. To Clarke, that was a bigger achievement than any words Lexa could give her. "I should go"

"Unfortunately, I think you are right" Lexa informed her "People will be starting to wake up, and if they see you leaving my room after spending the night, will think the worst"

"Worst?" Clarke thought out loud. Lexa's small smile transformed to a smirk.

"Well..."

"Never mind" Clarke quickly shook her head and made her way to the door "I'll see you soon, commander"

Lexa tugged on her armour, watching the blonde carefully "Clarke?"

"Yeah?" Clarke turned around to find the commander stood inches from her. Lexa leaned in and lightly kissed Clarke. It was short. Too short, and by the time it had began it had already ended. Clarke longed for more; she longed for so so so much more.

"Thank you" Lexa whispered, brushing Clarke's hair from her face. The girl almost melted in her hands.

"I... I'll come back" Clarke reassured. Lexa nodded once again, and watched the blonde slip through the door behind her.

Lexa's unavoidable absence felt wrong. Clarke had a hole in her heart that only Lexa could fill, and when she was gone, that same hole felt larger and emptier than before. She quickly shoved open her door and closed it behind her, letting out a sigh of relief that she hadn't been seen.

"Where did you head off to last night?"

Clarke leapt in terror and quickly spun around to see Octavia laying on her bed, arms behind her head comfortably.

"Octavia-"

"I came to find you early this morning, but you weren't here. Considering you're not even dressed, I bet you never even slept here" Octavia tilted her head "where were you, Princess?"

Clarke rushed over to her clothes, grabbing her old jeans and blue shirt "I had some things to deal with"

"Like..?"

"Like important things that I promised to do" Clarke looked up again to see Octavia sat on the edge of the bed, staring back at Clarke in confusion. Of course, Octavia thought Clarke had sex with someone. Not teach them how to read...

"Jesus Clarke, who was it?"

"Octavia I didn't have sex with anyone if that's what you're thinking." Clarke sighed

"So who'd you spend the night with, huh?" She asked. Clarke's face fell slightly. Telling Octavia she spend the night with the commander would not go well, especially since Octavia didn't trust Lexa. She shuffled between her feet trying to come up with a reasonable explanation "Oh my god, Clarke. It was the leader of floukru wasn't it? Luna? Raven was telling me all about when you were staring at her while she was training."

Clarke blinked her blue eyes in shock, not expecting the conversation to lead down that road. "No, Octavia, I was never staring at her. And it wasn't Luna"

"Then who..." Octavia paused for a moment "You had sex with the commander?"

Clarke's arms went limp. She had well and truly given up on this ridiculous conversation "Oct-"

Octavia grabbed Clarke's shoulders "Are you shitting me? That's Lexa. That same one who made you kill Finn, the same one that left you to die in mount weather."

"The only one to ever ask me what I want" Clarke countered "Ever think about that? Besides... we didn't have sex"

"Then what did you do?"

"Nothing. We just talked about keeping our clans together and living in peace after the war." Clarke lied. She never had sex with Lexa, but Clarke still had to cover up last night. Lexa couldn't read, and when she informed Clarke of that, she seemed embarrassed of herself. She didn't want to go and tell everyone in Polis that the great and powerful commander couldn't read. Especially not her own people.

"Talking my ass" Octavia rolled her eyes, putting her hands in her pockets "listen, that's not why I came here"

"Then why did you?"

Octavia moved and leant against Clarke's wall "I need some advice"

"What for? Because if it's about Lincoln you know I can't help you with that, Octavia"

"No. It's about Indra" She said and looked at the blonde "When she left mount weather and I didn't leave with her, she hated me. But now we're all working together again... Clarke, I want my mentor back."

"Then you need to talk to her about it" Clarke shrugged "you won't get anywhere hiding away. Go talk."

Octavia nodded for a moment "I'll leave you to get ready." She said before quickly leaving with large swift steps.

Clarke groaned. Teaching Lexa didn't only deem itself difficult because it was hard to teach. It also stuck up several complications along with it. For example, sneaking out of Lexa's room looked extremely odd to others, and the overwhelming need to sleep was also catching up of the girl. But Clarke wanted to teach Lexa. The small smiles that Lexa shared were so rare and beautiful that Clarke could stay up all night to see them. And the concentrated look on Lexa's face as she tried to read the words that Clarke spoke aloud was captivating. The way she thanked her was... intoxicating...

Clarke changed into her clothes, trying to push the thoughts from her mind. 'We cannot afford any distractions whilst the sun gives us the time to do so' Lexa was right. They needed every minute of the day to make their plans of war, and be ready for Azgeda. At night however, both Clarke and Lexa had minutes to spare however they wished to. Clarke shoved her door open and left to find her people.

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"Ah! Shit!" Raven yelled as the wires sizzled and zapped back at her in self defence "I swear to god, why is this so hard?"

Raven sat at the table, her breakfast pushed forward to make room for her contraptions. Several long distance remote controls lay on the table, and one of them decided that it was time to give Raven an electric shock.

"Raven, we're eating breakfast. Which is what you are supposed to be doing too" Abby said, watching the sparks carefully

"Relax, I just need to- fuck!" The contraption zapped her again, and she jumped back wagging her hand like a dog's tail "you're distracting me"

"Just eat then you can go back to fighting technology, Raven" Clarke instructed "you need your energy"

"I'm getting a lot of energy right now, considering this thing is choosing me as a conductor to send electricity through my damn finger!"

"Raven" Clarke said again "eat"

Raven rolled her eyes and sighed, pushing the remote controls to the side and tugging her plate in front of her "well, at least the food here is good..."

Clarke looked to her right where Lexa sat, plate already empty, staring down the table at her people. No, their people. Her heart froze in place.

"When this war is over, I would like to make skaikru the 13th clan, if you will let me" Lexa said quietly, not meeting Clarke's eyes

"If my people agree then yes" Clarke said "but why after?"

Lexa's eyes finally landed on Clarke's, swallowing her whole.

"Because I believe you don't trust me enough yet" Lexa said with a frown "You should trust your commander to keep the peace before joining the coalition."

"Lexa, I read you a book, then slept on your couch" Clarke whispered with a small smile "I think that shows I trust you"

Clarke wanted to say something strange, but she kept it to herself. She had to remember, this was still the commander she was talking to. What took her by surprise though, was when Lexa said it for her.

"Usually sleeping in someone's bed shows trust. Not their couch." She replied, sipping from her cup and staring ahead like it was nothing. Clarke however, choked on her own drink, shocked by the fact that Lexa was capable of thinking in such ways.

A quiet chuckle could only just be heard coming from the commanders lips.


	18. Chapter 18

Clarke and Raven carried the explosives to the cart, packing them and covering them in sheets. Raven glanced to her side at Clarke.

"You look tired" She stated

And it was true too. Every night since the first, Clarke had snook into the commander's room to conduct her teaching lessons. And it wasn't just Lexa who had learned a few things, it was Clarke too.

She learned Lexa's exact expression of concentration- brows slightly turned down, lower lip snagged between her teeth, green eyes deep with thought. Clarke believed it was a fair payment for her lessons.

"Yeah, I haven't been sleeping too well at the moment. I've been busy." Clarke said. Ravens attention was drawn to Jayden who was carrying the explosives on his shoulder "sure you got enough of that?"

"Oh, I'll never get enough of him..." Raven smirked as she watched Jayden.

"I mean explosives, Raven. Explosives."

"Ah... actually I'm hoping we have enough. I'm dealing with the minimum amount here. Don't forget, I'm attempting to take down Azgeda. Not a hut." Raven sighed.

"Alright..." Clarke watched Jayden help Raven up onto her horse "just... stay safe okay? I can't lose anyone else"

"Don't worry princess, I have Jay to keep me safe" Raven winked as Jayden pulled himself up onto his own horse.

"Sure... now, don't forget the plan. You plant the charges and-"

"And get as far away from Azgeda as we can. Yes I know. And all this happens under their nose while you and-"

"While we attack Azgeda as a distraction" The girls looked to the side to see the commander herself striding towards them "I put great trust in you like Clarke does. I do hope that it has not been displaced."

"It hasn't" Raven said "besides, I have your charming warrior here to keep me on the right track."

Lexa frowned slightly "right... and you'll contact us as soon as you're a safe distance from the charges?"

"Yep!" Raven smiled "Now, time to go"

Jayden nodded and tugged on the reins. The two of them disappeared passed the gates of Polis, their truck loaded with explosives trailing behind them.

"Gon yu ogud gon wor, klark?" (Are you ready for war, Clarke?)

"Nowe, ba ai don kom bi" (Never, but I have to be)

The commander looked taken back, surprised that Clarke could respond so fluently in her own language. Clarke smirked.

"I learned Trigedasleng while I was alone. I had plenty of time to spend."

"Seems so" Lexa said, approaching Clarke who shoved her hands in her pockets. They were better off in her pockets than out in the open where she could do something stupid with them.

"Today our people leave to attack Azgeda together as one. Lexa, I want them to return as one too" she finally tugged her hands from her pockets, reaching out to grab Lexa's arm gently. Out of memory, Clarke knew that her hand was directly about the intricate patterns of the tattoo that decorated Lexa's smooth skin.

"We will return together, and live in peace Clarke" Lexa said "I will have my people help to rebuild Arkadia and restore skaikru back to its former self"

"And then what? What happens to the ice queen? Or Pike? Lexa, what happens to us?" Clarke definitely didn't want Lexa to leave her again. Not when she had grown so close to the commander.

"We continue on" Lexa said softly "this is only a battle. Once it is over, people return to their lives. We will too."

"Yeah well... I don't really think I want to return to my life" she subconsciously began running her hand up and down Lexa's arm, only realising when she spotted the brunettes shoulders slowly relaxing and relieving themselves of their own tension.

"Then don't" Lexa whispered "Because I don't think I want to return to mine"

Clarke frowned at the honesty shining crystal clear in Lexa's eyes.

"What do you mean by that?" She asked.

Lexa scanned the area around them, ensuring that nobody was close enough to hear. She specifically stared at Titus before turning back to Clarke.

"Once this war is over, and the threat of Azgeda is non-existent, peace will be upon our people" Lexa looked around once more and tugged on her shoulder armour uncomfortably "I will have achieved my goal as a commander. Which is why when I return, I will remove the flame from my body, and give away my position as commander"

Clarke's heart sank "Lexa that is the worst idea in existence. And what the hell is the flame? This is insane!"

"The flame is a sacred object installed into the neck of the new commander containing the spirits of every previous commander that came before the, including Becca Pramheda. No commander has ever removed it before while still alive. It will be deeply shamed upon my people, however, I do not belong on the throne"

"Are you joking me?" Clarke exclaimed "Lexa, god knows what happens if a new commander rises that doesn't want to keep the peace you established."

"We established" Lexa corrected "Besides to be the commander is to be alone"

Clarke retracted her hand and put them back into her pockets "and your point is?"

Lexa sighed and looked down at her feet "I don't think I can stand being alone for much longer"

Clarke took a long... long look at Lexa. The commander was insane, completely and utterly insane, and Clarke began to wonder if someone had slipped something into her drink or something. But no, this was Lexa. This was Lexa willing to give up being the commander to love, and to stop being so alone.

This was Lexa beginning to accept that love is not weakness, but a gift.

"Lexa you can't possibly..." Clarke was cut off by Lexa's lips. At that moment, she was frozen, surrounded by people from every clan including skaikru- and trikru. Soon enough, the blonde melted in the commander's arms and surrendered to her lips. Her arms moved and wrapped around the commander's neck to pull her closer, and she had to resist the temptation to run her hands through her braided brown locks as Lexa's hands found Clarke's waist.

It was careless. Both of them knew that showing their affection for one another in front of everyone including their own people was dangerous. It could also provide a new found weapon to Azgeda if they got their hands on that sort of information. But they didn't care. After all, Lexa had just implied she was going to hand her command to someone else... for Clarke. Clarke had never seen Lexa care as much as she did, and that care seemed to fill a hole in her heart.

Lexa pulled back and looked down at the blonde in her arms with nothing but hope and care. For Clarke, it was an impressive sight. The green in her eyes were a purely addictive colour, shifting in shades depending on how the commander felt.

This was the warmest shade of green she had ever seen.

"Let us fight for our people, Clarke" she whispered, taking a few steps away from the flustered Griffin to regain her much needed composure. Clarke could feel eyes on her, on the commander, but pushed the thought of them to the back of her head. Well, she tried to- but Titus was making his way towards them.

"Heda..." Titus said angrily

"Silence, Titus." Lexa turned to him "Any words that you may spit at me will fall upon deaf ears, is that understood?"

"Yes Heda but... to be commander is to be-"

"Alone" Lexa finished "Well, I refuse to be alone"

Titus clenched his fists angrily, eyes flicking between the two powerful female leaders "Yu shold na shaim bilaik Heda, Leksa kom Trikru" (you should be shamed to be commander, Lexa of the tree people)

Lexa stayed silent, glaring back at the fleimkepa who had raised her and brought her to power. Clarke could sense the anger flowing through Lexa's veins, and she knew it was going to escape sooner or later.

Titus lowered his voice in his state of rage "Chit wod bilaik nomon fig raun kom yu nau?" (What would your mother think of you now?)

Titus stomped on the weak bridge above Lexa's anger, and it broke. Lexa grabbed him by his collar and slammed him against the wooden pillar of a tent. Her jaw twitched with restraint.

"Dula op nou dare gon lid in Ai nomon ona Ai hedplei!" (Do not dare bring my mother into my leadership!)

Lexa's angered roar echoed through Polis, turning the head of those who were distracted. Lexa's dagger was to Titus's throat.

"Lexa" Clarke whispered gently, quiet enough to only allow Lexa and perhaps Titus to hear. She reached out and grasped Lexa's bicep, gently squeezing as she tried to tug Lexa away. But the commander's stayed, feel planted firmly in the dirt.

"A fleimkepa is always replaceable, Titus" Lexa said through gritted teeth. The man in her grasp stood staring with wide eyes.

"Lexa" Clarke's voice filled Lexa's ears again "Hey, look at me"

Lexa's eyes flicked from the fleimkepa to the blonde. Clarke's heart almost split in two as she saw the pain cracking in the glass of Lexa's eyes.

"You need him. You can do this later, okay?" Clarke said softly, delivering another squeeze to Lexa's arm. The commander nodded in return before looking back to Titus.

"If you ever mention my family again, it will not be Azgeda blood marking the ground" Lexa stabbed the wood just above his head, leaving the dagger stuck in the pillar "It will be yours"

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"For the last time mom, I couldn't care less okay? We're going to war! Focus on that instead of who I'm having sex with! Which is irrelevant! We haven't even had sex!"

"You're still my daughter, you're still just a kid!" Abby exclaimed, pacing back and forth in front of Clarke "Lexa is the commander! She was our enemy ever since we touched the ground!"

"I stopped being a kid when they sent me down here to die" Clarke glared "and I stopped being your kid when I learned that you were responsible for my dads death"

Abby sighed, and Clarke could tell she hit a nerve "Listen. It's none of my business, I just want you to understand that Lexa of all people is the worst person to be with. She has her own people and will chose them over anything or anyone"

'Not this time' Clarke thought 'she chose me this time' She rolled her eyes and slid the gun into its holster and pushed past her mother

"Just focus on winning this war, would you? You're a healer, and these people are going to need one" Clarke said looking over her shoulder "We leave in an hour"

"I don't blame you, you know. For loving her" Abby said quickly, stopping her daughter before she could leave "I see why you do. She's strong, powerful. She's like you. The only difference is, if she were to choose between you and her people, it would be her people. She is selfish, and you're selfless. Clarke, she could take so much from you to save herself"

Clarke glared and looked her mother up and down angrily "then you clearly don't know the real Lexa" she scoffed "just concentrate on not getting yourself blown up and killed"

Octavia strode in dressed in her armour in warpaint, Indra staying in the doorway. Clarke had to admit, Octavia looked so much more herself after returning to grounder clothing again. She looked confident, vicious and ready for war. Clarke admired that.

"Are you done with your little family reunion? It's time to go." Octavia said and glanced over her shoulder at Indra, who nodded at her second "Clarke, we need to talk..."

"It can wait until after this is all over" they made their way outside together, leaving Abby trailing behind.

"I don't think it can" Octavia grabbed Clarke's arm and pulled her to a stop. The blonde frowned and her eyes flicked between Octavia and her mentor.

"Okay... then what is it?"

Clearly Octavia and Indra had not only fixed their relationship, but found out a few extra things that by the looks of it, are not something that benefit them at all. Whatever this was, they settled their differences quickly because of it. Which meant only one thing:

This can not be good.

"Indra and her warriors scouted the area at mount weather and came across something" Octavia crossed her arms and sighed.

"What?" Clarke looked between the two.

"It was acid fog, Wanheda" Indra said "Pike reactivated the weapons in mount weather"

"Which means farm station are our new mountain men" Octavia confirmed.

"We need to tell Lexa. Now." Clarke spun on her heels and went to find the commander. Pike had access to the weapons of mount weather. Not only acid fog, but the missiles too. What was worse, the chosen route from Polis to Azgeda was going straight through mount weather territory, where acid fog now lurked. It wouldn't be a problem if they could just redirect their routes to avoid it.

But most of the clans had already left for war, with Luna at their lead.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I used the song ‘Devil Devil’ by Milck. I wasn’t going to put up the songs I wrote with on Ao3 but I feel like music always enhances a feeling, whether it’s something you’re watching or something you’re reading. Anyways, enjoy!

To say that Lexa had been furious was an extreme understatement.

With each passing second, Lexa's grip tightened more and more on the reigns of her horse, eyes fixated ahead as they awaited for Gustus to return. The commander's army waited impatiently with their teeth bared and swords unsheathed, ready for battle.

Once Lexa had heard that mount weather was once again running, this time by farm station, she ordered her entire army to march past Luna's previous route to search for survivors before advancing on their enemy. Indra was mounted on her own horse along with Octavia, flanking the commander's right. To her left... well, Clarke was there. However, her pathetic excuse of being there was to ensure she could help those in the front line of the army if they should need a healer. Octavia wasn't one to judge as her special brown-eyed boy, Lincoln, was not far behind her.

The heavy drops of rain bounced off Lexa's armour, every so often a droplet or two would roll down her face, consuming the smallest amount of her warpaint into the droplet as it rolled down her face. Her jaw clenched and unclenched, causing the muscle to jump below the skin. A few stray hairs that had been tugged from Lexa's braids clung to the soft skin of her neck, and Clarke had to resist leaning over to smooth it back.

"Gustus should have returned by now, Heda" Indra stated, staring into the woods. In the distance, she could see the swell of yellow cloud amongst the trees. That colour had became Clarke's most hated colour. Her favourite colour however...

"We must await news of Luna, Indra. I am aware we cannot stall for much longer or our plan will fail. We give Gustus a window of two minutes to return to us then we leave. Understood?" Lexa said. Her voice was commanding and full of bubbling rage, bouncing and echoing passed every warrior who awaited an order.

It had been so long since Clarke had seen the commander in war paint, and she had to admit to herself. It was refreshing. The newly applied black paint as usual made Lexa's eyes appear even more bold and focused than before. She looked fierce. A rather large juxtaposition to the gentle girl underneath the armour and red sash.

"Lexa if we wait any longer we could be putting Raven and Jayden's lives at risk" Octavia said "We have to leave. Now."

"Octavia, we address our leader as Heda or commander." Indra corrected her second "do not doubt her decisions. You may forget she is the greatest to ever serve as comma-"

"Indra" Lexa interrupted her subject, silencing her with her name "be quiet"

"Yes, Heda" Indra said, eying Octavia.

Clarke's horse shuffled below her, swaying slightly from side to side as it stared ahead at the acid. Clearly the young horse was afraid of the acid fog. Who wouldn't? Even Clarke was growing nervous at the meandering smoke. The grey armoured horse sidestepped into Lexa's, trapping their legs between the two large mammals. The brunette clenched her jaw and looked down at her trapped foot. She sighed and pulled the reigns on her horse, creating the distance between them once again.

"I thought you trained that horse well, Indra" Lexa commented. Clarke caught them green orbs slowly drifting from the horse. They crawled up her legs, until they flicked to Clarke's eyes. When Lexa redirected her guilty gaze, the blonde felt a rush of... something. Whatever it was, it was white hot and burning.A burn from a flame Clarke wouldn't mind kindling for a while longer.

"Every horse has been taken and used, Commander. We even had to take work horses from villages and farms to increase the numbers." Indra said "it was either a young pony from an abandoned yujileda farm or this hors-"

Gustus's angered shouts demanded the attention of Lexa. Her head snapped in his direction, her damp braids falling over her shoulders with the sudden movement. "Heda!" He panted, reaching the commander. He rested his hands on his knees to catch his breath "they're dead, heda. They're all gone."

"No survivors?" Lexa questioned

"I'm sorry, Heda." He said "I saw Luna's body. She never deserved this, commander"

"Get on your horse" The commander spat through the falling rain. She turned on her horse towards her people, back straight and jaw sealed tight in rage. She unsheathed her sword.

"The leader of floukru is dead! She died an unfair death in her attempt to fight for our people!" She yelled angrily "today, the dead will be avenged! Azgeda has taken too much from our people! From the families that provide for our system! From you! From me!"

Lexa's words burrowed themselves into every single man and woman who stood ready to fight. Clarke could tell it was the first time that Lexa had ever brought a personal matter into war. And in this first time, she had gained more attentionfrom her people than ever. Some even nodded in agreement. Azgeda must have taken more than just Lexa's love away from her. These people were hurting too.

"The dead will be avenged today!" She yelled again, and the reaction from her audience was priceless. Their battle cries echoed for miles. The hooves of their horses rumbled against the ground as if it were a natural disaster, and their footsteps left behind by their boots were carved into the ground to stay for ages to come. And Clarke was right beside the commander, exchanging the smallest smile with the woman she... well, the woman she cared for.

They were going to win this war. And this time, it would be together.

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Clarke fell to the backline of the army, where skaikru covered the grounders with their guns. The height she gained from her horse gave her an advantage with her sniper. With every shot that eradicated from her gun, the horse below her jolted in fear. She had to tug her horse back in to position every time to take down another body. The rain had began to fall harder, and lighting clashed above their heads as war raged below it. Every once in a while, Clarke would reach out to rid the water droplets from the lens.

She gazed down the barrel once again, aiming through the scope to target yet another Azgeda warrior. The reticle of her sniper scanned over the battlefield, catching glimpse of Octavia and Indra fighting side by side. Their blades swung in a perfect sync, with the second taking count of every moment her mentor conducted as they slashed down ice nation warriors. Then she spotted Lexa.

Lexa, who clasped a sword in each hand. Lexa, who dropped four warriors before the first even touched the ground. Lexa, who took Clarke's breath away even in the middle of a war.

A man wearing white war paint, like many others, leapt on Lexa's back in attempt to bring her down. Another approached her, sword dropping with blood. Clarke adjusted the scope and inhaled.

"Not today, bitch" she said under her breath as she exhaled and pulled the trigger.

A spray of blood followed in the wake in bullet. The man's grip loosened and he dropped from the commander's back with a gaping hole in the centre of his forehead. Lexa swiftly kicked the sword from the other warrior's hand and drove her sword into his chest, looking over her shoulder. Clarke lifted her head with a small smile on her face, and in the distance, she saw the commander flash a quick thankful smirk in her direction before spinning just in time to block another hit.

Clarke chuckled and shook her head slowly, aiming back down the scope to take out more people who got too close to killing her allies. The horse below her jumped at the loud sounds of bullets, and she tugged on the reigns to pull it back into place.

"Good to know you've got the commander's back, Griffin" Jasper called. Even now, Clarke could sense the venom behind his voice "Too bad you didn't care that much for Maya when she was helping us"

"Not the time, Jasper!" Clarke tugged on the trigger once again, sending another man crashing into the mud.

"Yeah? Well when is the time, Clarke?" Jasper exclaimed "how about I kill your commander right now how you killed Maya? Pull this trigger like you pulled that lever?"

Clarke lowered her gun and glared at Jasper "why are you doing this?"

"Because, Clarke. You broke my heart when you killed her. I can tell that the commander means something to you. So what's wrong with a bit of payback?"

Clarke immediately spun her gun to aim it at Jasper, hands trembling. She could still feel Jaspers pain as he held his dead girlfriend in his arms. It hurt Clarke just as much.

"Jasper, we can talk about this after. Right now we need to keep Raven alive. If the commander falls, so does Raven." She tried "Raven never hurt you, Jasper"

Jasper sighed "always so serious, Clarke" he chuckled and took another shot at Azgeda "Fine. Later."

Clarke scoffed and turned her gun back to the raging conflict before them. Before she could bring the scope to her eye once again, she caught a glimpse of the sky. Through the falling water, a wave of grey shifted in waves towards them.

"Holy shit..." She whispered, eyes widening "everyone get down! Now!"

Gustus shouted out his own warnings "Azgeda archers!" He yelled, causing their allies to scatter for cover with success. The only problem was, Clarke was out in the open with no cover.

"Clarke!" She heard Lexa from in front of her and tore her eyes from the arrows that were racing towards them. Lexa grabbed her and pulled her down from the horse, covering her body with her own.

It was strange that the only thing that Clarke could think about was the thing she shouldn't think about. Like how it felt to have Lexa on top of her, the weight of her body pressing down on her. Then she remembered the arrows that had been launched to kill them, and her breathing almost stopped right then. The constant thud of arrows hitting the ground almost stopped her heart too.

Over Lexa's shoulder, she could see the tell-tale blue and grey feathers facing up towards the sky. And then she felt the heat seeping into her shirt.

"Lexa?" She whispered, feeling her slump against her shoulder. Her eyes widened "Lexa!"

She pushed the commander off of her, rolling on her side to see the brunette. Green eyes met her own, and Lexa gave her a small smile.

"What are you..." Clarke looked behind Lexa to see the body of a man littered with arrows. The horse which Clarke had mounted so recently lay on the floor in a puddle of blood. Clarke looked to the emerald eyed brunette in search of any arrows, and there wasn't a single one. That was when she realised that Lexa had used the man's body as cover, and the blood she felt was his. Not Lexa's. "oh thank god"

"I told you we'd win this war side by side, Clarke." She said, pushing herself to her feet "I'm not going to die just yet, and neither are you. Get your sky weapon and let's go"

Lexa nodded towards Clarke's sniper rifle that had been discarded in the rush for cover.

"I got you covered, commander" she said, grabbing her gun "go"

Lexa turned on her heels and ran to back up her people once again. Clarke had to admit, Lexa was impressive. She always fought along side her warriors as if her position in leadership didn't matter at all, as if she was just another girl in an army of grounders. That was what showed how much Lexa cared for them, risking her life and putting it on the line like the others around her. Risking her life for Clarke.

The blonde took another glance at the young horse that was a victim of war. It was strange that she could feel more sympathetic for a horse than any of the Azgeda that died. But that was probably because the animal was innocent, caught up in a war it didn't belong in. Azgeda however, no matter how much she hated to admit it, deserved the blood shed in their name.

A sudden rumble in the ground shook below them, followed by the sound of crumbling buildings. In the far distance, an intense mushroom cloud of smoke rose into the stormy air. All fighting ceased to look towards the destruction. Flames glowed from the centre of Azgeda, which could have only meant one thing.

"Jesus, they did it!" Octavia yelled, looking to Indra "Raven took down the castle!"

Indra looked at the blood soaked Octavia and scoffed, finishing off a man in smudged warpaint with a sword to the chest "I'd hardly call it a castle. More like a mere wreck of a building that he Ice people run to when they're scared"

"Speaking of running..." Octavia placed a hand on her hip, watching as Azgeda footsteps filled the air as they fled back to their crumbling home "how stupid can they get? Ice people running towards fire. They're going to melt"

Clarke moved from the backline closer to her friend "that's the point" she said "Now, Azgeda are all in one place. Let's just hope farm station hold back on the missiles they have."

"You're not the only one hoping" Lexa grunted as she kicked away a scarred young woman who was impaled on her sword. She turned towards Clarke, wiping away remaining traces of black blood from her nose with the back of her hand. She eyed Clarke with a worried glance "Are you alright?"

Clarke looked down to find several patches of blood staining her shirt "Oh. It's... not mine" Clarke said. Lexa stared for a moment, waiting for the patches to expand with more blood. They didn't, which confirmed that Clarke was not in fact injured. Her shouldered visibly sagged in relief.

"Looks like we're taking he fight to Azgeda. How many men do we have remaining, Indra?" She questioned, turning to her.

"With the cover of skaikru, we hardly experienced any casualties. At a quick estimate, we only lost 20-30 out of over 700 men, give or take. That doesn't include floukru however..." Indra sighed "we can advance on Azgeda with confidence, Heda."

Lexa nodded, eyes widening and drifting behind Indra. Octavia stared at the same spot, and Clarke turned to see what they were looking at. There she was, frizzy haired and angry as ever, followed by her own clan.

"Luna?" Lexa stared in disbelief "Gustus said you were dead. What happened?"

"Gustus happened, Heda" she groaned. She cupped the burns on the side of her face, glaring directly at the tall and powerful man who was Gustus "He found us, then turned his back to us. He left us to die"

Lexa turned to Gustus, the evidence of betrayal etched into her creased brows "is this true Gustus?"

"Y-yes Heda. I apologise but... Luna was a friend. Her death motivated you to proceed in this battle with confidence" he explained his actions "I never wanted to bring you harm. I only wanted what was b-"

Lexa drew her sword and grasped Gustus's shoulder, lunging with her blade to drive it directly into his stomach "and for that, Gustus" she whispered "I give you the pleasure of avoiding our traditional punishments. This is my punishment given for betraying me"

She withdrew her sword, and let go of the man. He dropped to his knees in front of her. Clasping at the hole in his stomach which poured with red, her stared up at the commander with regret in his eyes. Clarke swallowed the lump in her through which had accumulated during the event. The sudden shift in Lexa caught her off guard. One moment, she was concerned for Clarke's safety. Then next, she was stabbing a man out of rage.

"Yu gonplei ste odon, Gustus" (your fight is over)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a good one ladies and gents... I think.
> 
> I used the song ‘high hopes’ by Quails

The commander had decided on setting up camp outside of Azgeda territory to allow their people to rest. Makeshift tents had been pulled together using branches from the surrounding trees. Of course, the commander's tent, along with the medical tent, were much more expertly installed with strong pillars and thick cloth to offer more protection.

With the recent arrival of injured members from floukru, the medical tent was almost full. Abby and Nyko weaved through their patients, checking on burns that they had accumulated from the acid fog. Clarke offered much needed help, taking care of the small number of people who had been wounded in the actual battle.

"You'll be okay, Artigas" Clarke said "that cut in your arm should hurt bad, but other than that, I don't think you'll bleed out any time soon"

Artigas nodded "thank you, Wanheda"

"Just don't tear your stitches" Clarke warned, moving past him to check on a chest wound. A hand locked around her wrist, tugging her to a halt. She turned to find Luna staring at her.

"Thank you" Luna whispered. Clarke tilted her head and looked to the space beside her.

"Can I sit?" She asked, earning a nod from Luna. She sat down beside the frizzy haired brunette, feeling the instant relief in her legs.

"You saved the commander's life" Luna stated

"And she saved mine"

"The thing is, I owe you an apology, Wanheda" Luna said, turning to face the blonde "I never trusted you. Not when Lexa convinced me to come out of hiding after mount weather. Not when she brought you to Polis. Not when you protected us."

"Come out of hiding?" Clarke questioned. She had never heard of floukru before, but at the same time, she hadn't heard of many of the clans before her visit to Polis either.

"Lexa and I were great friends before the conclave which made her the commander. She and Costia helped me escape after... well, after I was forced to kill my brother. She showed more understanding to my pain than I could have ever expected, and helped me, along with my clan, to go into hiding." Luna paused to look over her shoulder "It was only when she really needed my help that she requested my return. I owed it to her, so I did"

Clarke followed Luna's eyes to find the commander herself in deep conversation with Abby. Lexa scratched her chin and nodded in some sort of agreement before she dropped her crossed arms to help one of her men sit up whilst Abby bandaged him. Clarke had to admit, seeing her mother and Lexa working together side by side to help a patient looked so unbelievably weird.

"She's a lot more than people see her as. Isn't she?" As Clarke spoke, Lexa's eyes met hers from across the tent before flicking back down to the man with concern. Those small couple of seconds were enough to bring Clarke's heart to her mouth.

"Being the commander turned her into something she wasn't. And losing Costia turned her into something she didn't want to be." Luna crossed her arms "Lexa was selfless, kind and caring like a care package for those who needed it, even though Anya attempted to cover those features over. I've never seen her like this since before the conclave when we trained together."

Clarke nodded. Luna painted the clearest picture for her to see. She could imagine a young teenage Lexa, smiling freely and being so... loose. Now, as commander, Lexa was wound tightly and prepared. She could imagine sloppy punches being taught be a younger Anya, long braids swinging over her shoulder and bright, youthful eyes focused on the task at hand. It was something Clarke could imagine clearly now that she had grown closer to the commander.

"Clarke" Lexa's voice tugged the two women from their small dreaming state. She stood a few steps in front of them, and neither of them saw her coming "I believe you deserve some rest after today."

Luna smiled and lay down on her bed behind Clarke, making sure to give the blonde some space "don't we all, Heda?"

"We do." Lexa replied, staring at Clarke who remained unmoving "what is it?"

"I don't have anywhere to sleep" Clarke said. Luna lifted her hand and slapped Clarke lightly on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. Clarke had hope that they would no longer need to be enemies after all of this was over, but friends instead. Friends would be good.

"You're perfectly welcome to share this extremely comfortable bed, which is not surrounded by injured people, with me if you wish, Wanheda" Luna said with a small smirk as she fluffed her pillow. She looked up at Lexa with pride in her sarcasm, whilst Lexa just stared back at her with a blank expression.

"I'm sure that's not necessary, Luna. Clarke, I will most likely be staying awake to ensure there are no further attacks, so you may stay in my tent for the night" Lexa offered.

Clarke refrained from showing the smile that attempted to worm its way to her lips, and nodded.

"Thank you" she said, standing. Luna immediately filled her space be laying face down on the bed. The woman looked tired, and as Clarke began to follow Lexa to her tent, she realised how tiring today must have been for her. Beneath the burns and scars, the skin below her eyes sagged in dark bags. She felt sorry for Luna, but she knew Luna was the kind of woman who wouldn't want anyone's pity. She was the kind of woman who would want revenge.

"Do you need anything, Clarke?" Lexa asked, holding open the tent flap for her to enter. Clarke eyed the brunette for a moment, mind still reeling from the newly found information that Luna had given. How young was Lexa when she rose to the throne? How young was she when she lost her care-free smile and kind eyes?

"No" Clare replied quickly after realising she was staring "not at all. You're not going to sleep?"

"It's okay, Clarke. For once, think about yourself and get some rest." Lexa said as Clarke entered the tent. The warm glow of candles instantly swallowed her whole. It was strange how Lexa's candles provided so much more comfort than just heat and light.

"You need to rest too, Lexa. I'm not just going to let you fall asleep on your horse in the middle of a battle."

Lexa's lips curled up at the corners, the thought of such carelessness clearly entertaining her. She moved inside and let the flaps to the tent fall, shielding them from the view of the outdoors. She took the bucket of water which had been kindly set in the corner, and sat down on the floor at the foot of the bed.

"Okay then" Lexa said before raising an eyebrow "no reading lessons tonight by any chance?"

"No book, no reading lessons unfortunately, commander." Clarke shrugged apologetically, sitting down and crossing her legs from across from Lexa with the bucket in between them. She reached over and snatched the cloth from Lexa's hands.

"Clarke, what was that f-"

"Shhh" Clarke shushed her "you're covered in blood. Let me help you, Okay?"

Lexa rolled her eyes "Clarke I'm perfectly capable of cleaning myself." Lexa reached out to take back the cloth. She caught her hand on the bucket, almost sending its contents spilling across the floor. The two girls both grabbed the sides of the bucket before it tipped on its side, small drops launching in the air from the sudden movements. Clarke smirked at Lexa.

"You were saying?" She chuckled, causing Lexa to sigh.

"Okay then, go ahead" Lexa sighed, hands retreating back to her lap. Clarke held back her victorious smile and dunked the cloth into the cold water. Lexa's long, slender fingers reached to the buckles of her armour, moving in deft and effective movements. The large piece of armour which was starched to her shoulder slowly slid to the ground beside them, which was shortly joined by the rest of Lexa's armour; even her gloves came off. The commander was left in her blood-drenched undershirt.

"That's... that's not your blood. Right?" Clarke asked, staring at the crimson piece of fabric. Lexa shook her head.

"No, Clarke. My blood is of a different color. Black to be exact, not red." Lexa said "all of this blood. It's not mine."

"That explains a lot." Clarke commented. Every time she saw Lexa bleed, her blood was definitely not red "you, Luna and this Ontari girl are the only nightbloods who are of age to take the flame, right?"

"Yes. But I must say Clarke, you are doing an excellent job at cleaning my face" Lexa said, eyes flicking down to the cloth that Clarke still held over the bucket "may I do it myself yet?"

"No. Shh." Clarke shushed the commander once again. If anyone else had dared to do such a thing, who knew what would happen? The possibility of being kicked off of the top of her tower or stabbed in the stomach would be very high. But because it was Clarke, the possibility was down to zero.

Lexa pulled her lips into a tight, firm line to ensure she kept herself quiet. Clarke rung out the cloth before lifting the dampened fabric to the bloody and dirtied skin of Lexa's cheek. Immediately, the commander jumped back, air hissing between her teeth.

"What is it? Did I hurt you? Are you hurt?" Clarke panicked, shifting closer to see if there was a wound on Lexa's cheek that she had missed. Lexa let out a small laugh.

"It was cold" She looked at the water "I wasn't expecting it to be that cold."

"You're such a wimp, Lexa kom trikru" Clarke grasped Lexa's chin and placed the cloth on her face once again, causing the muscles in the brunettes jaw to jump at the sudden change in temperature.

Soon enough though, Lexa slowly began to grow used to it, leaning into Clarke's hand as if to seek more.

"You know, it would save time if you laid off a little on the war paint, commander" Clarke said as she can the cloth along Lexa's expertly chiselled jaw, swiping up the war paint which had gathered there after running down her face with the rain.

"But where's the fun in that, Wanheda?" Lexa's voice was quiet and soft. Something she only heard occasionally when they were alone. Perhaps that was what it was like all those years ago before she won the conclave, achieving the position as commander.

Clarke pushed the bucket aside with her foot, edging ever so closely to the green-eyed puzzle before her. She would happily spend years attempting to solve her, she realised.

"Close your eyes" she whispered. Lexa's eyes scanned the room before landing back on the blue eyed girl in front of her "don't worry, I'm not going to stab you or anything if that's what you're thinking, commander. But I'm sure you don't want to look like a panda with that paint on your eyes."

A small smile appeared on Lexa's lips as her eyelids fluttered shut over her forest green eyes. Clarke loosened her grip on her chin, instead moving to cup her cheek as she ever so slightly dabbed away the remaining dirt, paint and blood. She let the cloth run down Lexa's face once more, fingers replacing the fabric which had dropped to the ground between them. Her touch lingered near Lexa's lips.

"There" she whispered softly "all done"

"Thank you" she hardly whispered in response. Vibrant colors flashed as Lexa opened her eyes once again, and Clarke suddenly felt the need to do something bold. Besides, they were in the middle of a war. What wasn't bold about war?

Clarke ran her thumb along Lexa's soft lower lip, her own eyes following her movements. Lexa's lips parted ever so slightly, and Clarke looked up to see her staring directly at her. Yes. This was definitely the time for being bold.

She slowly and carefully pulled Lexa towards her, giving the commander every opportunity to back away if she really wanted to. Instead, Lexa followed her movements, and allowed herself to be guided to Clarke's lips.

Whilst Lexa was vicious and brutal on the battle field, here she was tender-hearted and gentle with every affectionate touch she gave. Every kiss that Clarke had ever received from the braided brunette spoke for itself; it spoke for Lexa. Clarke found an addiction to its beauty.

Tilting her head, she deepened the kiss, shifting to edge closer. Lexa's slender fingers slowly moved up Clarke's legs and crept below her thighs. It was only when the brunette's strong, calloused hands pulled her into her lap that Clarke could no longer control the smile that appeared as their bodies were tugged closer together.

Hands ran up clothed backs, through war-tangled hair, over goose-bump littered skin. In the heat, Clarke's fingertips acted upon their own needs, grabbing at the hem of Lexa's stained undershirt and lifting it over her head. It landed in the water filled bucket beside them.

The unexpected sound of the splash drew them back to their senses, tearing their lips apart to search for the source. Lexa let out a muffled laugh into Clarke's neck. Clarke never expected to hear such an intoxicating thing as the commander's laugh, which was even rarer than her smile. She wanted to hear it again. And again after that. And after that too.

"Do you really believe staying on the floor is a good idea?" Lexa whispered. Her breath against Clarke's neck felt so warm, and so right to the blonde that she took a few moments to respond. A few moments which she also took to run her hands along the perfect curves of Lexa's hips.

Clarke pulled Lexa to her feet before grinning into yet another kiss. Her fingers weaved through the brown braids of her hair, and Clarke slowly began to back Lexa up until the back of her legs connected with the side of the bed.

"No. I don't"


	21. Chapter 21

Heaven.

Clarke had never believed in such a places before. She thought of it as a mere fairytale of which people clung to for the tiniest piece of hope. But then she realised how wrong she was.

Her fingertips slowly trailed down the black ink which marked Lexa's smooth skin- something she had wanted to do since the first time she laid eyes on it. She knew that they were both supposed to sleep last night, to prepare for the day ahead of them where they would advance on Ice Nation. But Lexa was so captivating. Every swirl of ink on her skin, every kiss she planted on Clarke's lips, made her forget that they were in the middle of war. Clarke wanted to forget that.

And then there they were, drifting in and out of sleep under the covers of Lexa's bed. Early morning light which managed to peak through the fabric of illuminated the commander's sleeping face. Or at least, Clarke thought she was sleeping.

"Clarke?" She asked, voice still raspy and thick with sleep. Clarke stayed silent in hope that the other girl would start to believe that she was still asleep. It would have worked too, if Lexa hadn't decided to roll over to face her. She looked up at Clarke, who was still propped up on her elbow comfortably, and raised an eyebrow at her "I felt you touching my back Clarke. It was pointless pretending to be asleep."

"At least I tried" A guilty smile crept onto Clarke's lips "did I wake you?"

"Yes, but it was quite the charming wakeup call compared to others I have received in the past" Lexa pushed a stray blonde hair behind Clarke's ear. Her face was soft- gentle when she was looking at Clarke. And yet it was laced with sudden concern after what Clarke believed was a thought that ran through Lexa's mind "I want you to promise me something, Clarke"

"Okay, what is it?"

"Promise me you wont allow yourself to get hurt in this war" she whispered "I can't live with myself if I lose you too."

Clarke laced their fingers together and looked down at the wide green eyes that stared up at her. Lexa was showing her vulnerability and weakness to Clarke, and Clarke only. There was a certain beauty in the way Lexa opened up to her. Then again there was a certain beauty in everything Lexa did.

"You wont. I promise, Lexa. But you have to promise me that you won't, I don't know, go jumping in front of arrows and bullets. Because one, that's idiotic, and two, people need you. I don't think the clans are ready to lose the commander yet"

'I'm not ready to lose the commander'

"Are you done talking yet, Clarke?" Lexa asked, a smirk slowly creeping onto her lips.

"Well, we don't have to talk at all..." Clarke suggested. The grin that spread across Lexa's face was something Clarke wished she could paint then and there, documenting it. Lexa cupped Clarke's cheek and rolled on top of the blonde haired girl, connecting their lips. After everything was over, Clarke could definitely get used to spending her mornings like that. She felt the ever so sweet weight of Lexa's body as she rolled atop of her. How anything could feel so right, Clarke simply didn't know.

"Heda, Raven has returned from-" Luna entered the tent, instantly pausing at the sight of her commander and Wanheda. She raised an eyebrow "Ah. My apologies Heda, I believed you to be alone."

Lexa's head perked up from Clarke's lips. Her the corners of her mouth were turned down in a small huff after being interrupted before she placed one last sweet kiss on the lips of Wanheda.

"We shall be out shortly to discuss, Luna." Lexa looked over her bare shoulder at her subject "leave us"

"Yes, Heda" Luna replied as she exited the tent just as fast as she entered. Clarke could have sworn she saw a hint of a smirk on Luna's face. She wasn't sure if it was real though; maybe she had just imagined it with her own joy being so evident.

"Your friend has returned Clarke" Lexa was already standing, gathering clean clothes from the chest in her room "you should go greet them"

Clarke remained in her bed, eyes unblinking as she watched Lexa's bare body move around the tent, afraid to miss anything. Lexa stopped in her tracks and stared back at Clarke. Her green eyes were so luring, so gentle, so Lexa. Clarke just wanted to get up and bring her back to the bed to-

"Clarke, greeting them includes wearing clothes. I do hope you are aware of this. Come, get dressed" Lexa tossed Clarke some clean clothes for her and raised an eyebrow "Whatever you are thinking about Clarke, we think it. However, we are still in a war which we must end"

At Lexa's words (and the clothes tossed to her face) Clarke snapped out of her lusty gaze and obeyed Lexa's logical orders. She pulled herself out of the warmth of Lexa's bed to dress herself, the new idea of Ravens return filling her with relief. She began to think of the people she'd met in Polis... Where was Titus?

She lifted her head to ask Lexa her burning question, only to find the tent empty. Clarke scoffed as she pulled the tight fabric of her fresh shirt, her old blue shirt stained with blood and dirt tossed to the side. How could she have missed the commander leave? It wasn't like she didn't draw enough of Clarke's attention.

Clarke mumbled to herself, pushing through the flaps of Lexa's extraordinarily large tent, muttered words to do with the green-eyed commander leaving her lips in a her now huffed mood. Her mood shortly changed though, when her eyes landed on one of her closest friends, bright red jacket littered with the dust of debris. Clarke's heart leapt with happiness as she spotted Raven. That was, until she saw the girl's eyes.

Raven's dark brown eyes were usually filled with welcoming warmth and knowledge. Now, however, they were cold; they were sad. Clarke had only seen such a thing fade once before, and that was when they had lost Finn. This could have only meant one thing, and Clarke wasn't sure anyone had the willpower to ask.

Anyone but Lexa.

Of course.

"Raven?" Lexa crossed the muddy ground towards the mechanic "Did your plan work?"

"You mean, did I blow it up? Sure" Raven's voice was slick with coldness. Her hissed words had an edge which no doubt was perfectly capable of cutting, if Lexa didn't choose her words carefully. Clarke winced.

"Where is Jayden?" Lexa's eyes flicked behind Raven, where Jayden should have been standing. Should have been stood with arms tightly behind his back. Should have been sneaking the smallest of glances down to Raven. Should have been offering kind and reassuring smiles to those who needed it when Lexa was turned the other way. Instead, behind Raven, was an empty space. Clarke knew from that moment from the way Ravens body almost sagged towards it, that there was no way on this planet that that void could ever be filled.

"I- I...blew him up too" Raven whispered

____________________

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Jayden Isaac was dead.

If Clarke had not have felt it then, she certainly felt it now.

Jayden was a man of pride. Not only was he driven to protect his commander, but everyone else around him too. He was a man who wasn't afraid to love. It was clear from the start that he loved Raven.

Clarke remembered when she arrived at Polis with her people. When Jayden's little brother, Caleb, jumped out of the crowd with smile etched into his face as he saw his big brother. The way the little boy's grin only grew at the mention of their sister. No, Jayden was never alone. He had the responsibility of his siblings.

What would they do now? Now that their brother had...

"He did it for me, you know?" Raven mumbled, staring at her feet. Clarke frowned at her best friend, and she could almost feel the pain radiating off of the poor girl once again "I would have died if he hadn't have stayed behind."

"Raven-" Clarke went to give some sort of comfort to Raven. To tell her it was okay. That she didn't have to explain herself. But Raven clenched her jaw and continued on.

"We planted the bombs quickly. It was going well. Hell, Jay even managed to put together a few extras with the leftover gun powder. We were on our way out when they found us-" Raven closed her eyes and corrected herself -"found him. The bombs were set to go off at any minute by then. If he fought and ran with me, they would have followed us back. He pushed me to go, Clarke. And I left him behind."

Clarke's eyes softened and she rested a hand on Raven's back, fingers stroking gently in an attempt to give the girl some comfort.

"The bomb went off, and the entire place just... collapsed in on him." Raven turned to the blonde, brown eyes watery with tears "Clarke, the fire. It was so hot I- I've never seen anything like it before... it- I heard him. I heard him screaming"

"He died a hero, Raven." Clarke simply told the truth. Jayden died being the selfless hero that he never stopped being. There was nothing in the world which could ever make them believe any different.

Raven collapsed in Clarke's arms in a wave of sobs, one after the other wracking the damaged mechanic's body. Clarke's embrace was tight, giving Raven the opportunity to cling to her friend like a life-line. In which right now, she was. Even Lexa, who had disappeared at some point with the news fresh in her mind, had returned to comfort Raven. She placed a hand on her shoulder, brows knotted together.

Clarke knew that look.

She had seen it before.

She had seen it when she had found out Anya was dead. Seen it when Clarke killed 300 of her men.

That look was Lexa's rage, and her need for pure and bloody revenge. That look was Lexa wanting to bring suffering to those who took Jayden from her people. It was Lexa wanting it now.

"Luna" Lexa called over her shoulder. Her jaw was tight, and her teeth were clenched. Luna stepped forward, eyes red and puffy with previous tears "call for Roman. Send him home, to Polis. I want him to protect Jayden Isaac's siblings with his life. Deliver the news of his decease."

Luna nodded one slow nod, turned on her heels and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand as she strode off, posture slouched and distracted as she went to find Roman.

"We march against Azgeda soon. I suggest preparing." Below Lexa's commanding, masked tone, her voice wavered with loss. She pressed her lips to a tight line, turning and leaving Clarke and Raven alone like she couldn't stand to stay any long. Maybe, just maybe, because she couldn't.

Clarke instantly felt the responsibility to go after Lexa- to see and help her with what was bothering the commander. But Raven needed her more, the poor girl had lost someone close to her once, and now she had lost someone yet again. Clarke's heart ached for the heartbroken mechanic.

"You should stay here, Raven. Maybe even head back to Polis. Nobody expects you stay here-"

"I'm going with you" Raven snapped, wiping her eyes angrily and sniffing "I'll make them pay for this. This... plan was my fault. It should have been me they took. But they took him. I'll tear down every single person that tries to stop me, Clarke. Even you."

Raven's raging glare almost gave Clarke shivers, with the sudden shift in Raven's feelings forcing a frown to her brows. It hurt to even know Raven still blamed her for Finn's death.

"Griffin, everyone who was responsible for Finn's death, including you, are still alive" Raven crossed her arms "This time I'm not letting anyone go. Not this time. Jayden... he was special."

"I know he was Raven..."

"Then let's go" She shoved past Clarke, almost sending the blonde cascading into the dirt. Instead, she landed in the warm and comforting heat of Lexa's arms. Clarke grasped at her shoulders in attempt to regain her balance, and her fingers laced into the straps of the commander's shoulder armour.

"Clarke, are you okay?" Lexa asked quietly, eyes staring behind Clarke at Raven who stormed towards her horse. Her leg brace clanked and jutted in odd directions with damage.

"I'm fine. Are you?" Clarke responded. Her eyes narrowed partially when she realised Lexa avoiding her gaze "Lexa? Lexa, look at me"

Clarke lightly took Lexa's face in her hands, forcing the saddened brunette to look at her. Lexa's jaw ran sharp below her fingertips, muscles jumping under her skin at the contact. The green that Clarke was met with almost stopped her heart mid-beat.

Even if she hadn't realised it, Clarke had always been immune to Lexa's mask which she wore so confidently to hide her emotions. She could see straight through it, and a simple glance at the emerald eyes would speak more words for her than Lexa ever could. It was all she needed to do. And right now, it was all she did.

Staring back into her eyes, Clarke felt as if she was dipping her toes into green pools of pure guilt. So much guilt, and so... so much pain "Lexa..."

"I should have made him stay" Lexa whispered into Clarke's palm "He had a family, Clarke. He had people who loved him. Maybe... maybe I should have gone instead. He didn't deserve-"

"Neither do you" Clarke cut her off "Lexa, you do not deserve to die. Do you know why he was so brave? So selfless?"

Lexa frowned in response. She had no clue where Clarke was going with these questions.

"Because you were too. He dedicated his entire being to protecting you, and making sure you were safe. Happy. His loyalties always lay with you, Lexa, because he believed in the same things you did even when you didn't think you could believe in such things.He looked up to you" Clarke tried

"And I hardly even gave him the time to look down on him" Lexa fumed at herself

"Guilt always comes with regret Lexa. Pain comes with both, but you have to understand that he was not your responsibility. He made his own choice, and died a hero"

"My people, my responsibility. I'd rather die myself than have any innocent man or woman killed, Clarke" Lexa was raging now, fists clenched, breaths uneven and bold.

"What are you going to do...?"

"I'm going to bring down Azgeda by hitting it at its heart" Lexa said, storming towards her horse with her sash flowing in angry red flashes.

"And how on earth will you do that Lexa?" Clarke walked quickly after the commander who mounted her horse with ease. Lexa looked down at Clarke.

"I will challenge Queen Nia of Ice nation"


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song in this chapter is called ‘remains’ by Algiers.

Lexa had called for a meeting between herself and the Ice Queen, and Clarke knew she probably shouldn't have been so afraid. Grounders had a rule during war, where leaders would be allowed to meet as long as there is no harm done to those on the opposite side throughout the discussions. But Clarke couldn't help the constant nervous tap of her foot, or the shake in her hands as she grasped the handle of her dagger if the worst came to action.

She stood a small distance behind Lexa along side Luna, who shared small glances with the blonde ever so often. Even with all the emotions Clarke had felt, and everything that had just occurred over the past few days, her heart still leaped with pride. Luna and Lexa were her people, and they were fighting together. Something about it felt... right.

"Are you afraid of defeat, Lexa?" Nia questioned the commander with a smirk. Lexa's fingers, which were interlaced behind her back, tightened at her words.

"No" she said through clenched teeth "you have already lost your war, Nia. I am only trying to reduce casualties on both sides."

"Since when have you ever cared for your people, Lexa?"

"Since I rose to command. Now hurry up and issue your challenge so you may leave." Lexa said in a harsh, monotone voice. Her eyes scanned the woods around them, which was half way between Azgeda and their own camp. They were in no man's land, it seemed.

"Fine" The Ice Queen glared "since you have my son detained in Polis, I will bring forth my own nightblood to challenge you. Ontari, future queen of Azgeda, and commander of the 12 clans, shall fight for me. Do you accept?"

"I do" Lexa tipped up her jaw. Light caught it from through the trees at an angle to make it look dangerous. Deadly.

"And who fights for you, commander?"

"Ai laik Heda. Non na throu daun him ai" (I am the commander. Nobody fights for me) Lexa stood tall, back straight and eyes daring. She knew what game she was playing, and so did Nia. However, the queen of Azgeda was too afraid to play along. Of course she would never fight Lexa herself...

"Big words for a little girl with such a large responsibility, wouldn't you say?" The queen chuckled "I hope you are aware that Azgeda are not your only enemy"

"Empty threats do not harm me" Lexa raised an eyebrow

"Pike will retaliate at my death. We have an alliance"

"And who will be left to retaliate to his death?"

"Ontari" Nia's confident smirk almost made Clarke throw up against the closest tree. As her lips curved, the scars imbedded in the skin of her face stretched painfully. She exchanged a knowing look with Luna, who looked equally disgusted. Lexa, however, looked unfazed.

"Then she will join you in your ashes" Lexa spun on her heels, moving back towards Clarke and Luna who waited patiently for the her to finish. "I shall see that you die Nia. Have no doubts."

"You're weak, you know!" Nia called after her "I can see it in your eyes! You're weak!"

Lexa slowed to a stop, hands falling to her sides as she sighed.

"Nia, have you ever loved anyone?" Lexa asked. She stared straight ahead with the ice queen's gaze hot on her back.

"Loved? No."

"Then that is what makes you weak." Lexa finally turned her head to peer over her shoulder at the confused queen "I have come to the realisation that love is far from weakness. Perhaps that is why you are so weak. You fail to recognise it as a strength."

Lexa's words were final. Continuing her walk back to camp, Luna and Clarke followed not far behind her, leaving behind Nia who had been rendered speechless.

In fact, Clarke too was in a similar state. Had she changed truly changed Lexa's mind? Did Lexa really believe that? Clarke immediately jumped to grab Lexa's arm, pulling her to yet another stop, eyes wide.

"Lexa wait" she exclaimed, fingers right around the commander's bicep.

"What is it?" Lexa frowned

"I can't let you go" Clarke's words spilled from her lips "I won't let you die"

"You have to, Clarke. It is not your decision, it is mine. And so far, I see this as the best option. This will save many lives" Lexa said "if I do face defeat, I am sure my spirit will choose the next wisely"

"Well I need your spirit to stay exactly where it is, Lexa"

"That is not your decision either, Clarke. My death is inevitable and youmust accept that" Lexa was irritable. Angry. But so was Clarke.

"Like hell I do, Lexa!" She raised her voice "Your spirit won't choose wisely! The only deserving nightblood after you is Luna, who by the way, refuses the flame. So if you die, Ontari becomes commander"

"There is always another way, Clarke." Lexa said calmly with a small sigh. It was like she had given up.

"Please, Lexa"

The begging almost got to the commander; it almost changed her mind. But it was Lexa, and she had been trained to avoid giving into people. Even people she loves "I'm sorry, Clarke. The decision has been made" Lexa said with soft eyes, brows slightly turned down with her apology. She moved past the shorter girl, making her way back to camp and disappearing into her tent.

"Well, at least you tried" Luna sighed, crossing her arms and shaking her head as she watched the commander leave.

"I don't know what else I can do" Clarke whispered

"You can't do anything, Wanheda. Ultimately, it is Lexa's choice. She shares the same amount of stubbornness as you" Luna quirked an eyebrow "and she wants to protect her people. Like you."

They approached a large fire which was surrounded by Lexa's warriors. They sat on the thick logs of fallen pine trees, swords removed from their belts and leant against their seats beside them. Every once in a while, someone would stand to add a chunk of wood to the flames, increasing the welcoming heat which it provided. Separated from the warriors, seated in the grass with her legs pulled tightly to her chest and cheeks stained with tears, was Raven. Her red jacket was discarded on the floor beside her, her gun rested on top of the fabric. Luna frowned sadly.

"She's in pain" Luna stated quietly to Clarke

"I noticed. But I don't know what to do about it, Luna. I know she's hurting. I've seen it before. Whatever I do I always seems to make things worse" Clarke sighed.

Every time she tried to help people, Clarke had always managed to make things worse for them. Whatever she did, it was never good enough. The truth in her words stung at her throat as they left her mouth. Luna smiled at Clarke, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"I know the darkness, Clarke. I had experienced it like Raven. I'll talk to her"

"Are you sure?"

Luna gave a small nod and turned back to Raven just as her voice ripped through the air, drawing everyone's attention directly to her.

"I'm so sick of you and your stupid little scavenging games!" Raven snapped, shoving away Murphy who had rested his hand on her back. He took a step back in surprise, eyes widening at the sudden danger he had found himself in.

"Woah, why don't you take it easy huh?" He lifted his hands in surrender

"Take it easy? Unlike you Murphy, I care about people! I loved him, damn it!" Raven lifted her hand, throwing a hard punch to Murphy's jaw "you're a leech Murphy. Sucking people dry... and take what ever you can so that you can survive!"

Luna quickly lurched forward to stop Raven who began throwing fists freely at John Murphy, and wrapped her arms around her waist to restrain her. Raven still thrashed angrily in her arms, repeating her yells of 'I hate you' like a mantra.

"Raven!" Luna exclaimed, stumbling back with Raven's ferocity.

"Get off me!" Raven's voice grew hoarse, filled with emotion as she fell back into Luna's arms. The two women sunk to the ground.

"Breathe!" Luna's arms tightened around Raven's torso, holding her tightly to her own body from behind. Murphy backed away, wiping the blood from his nose "Shh... Breathe Raven. Breathe"

Raven puffed out large, angered breaths, every now and then struggling to break free from Luna's arms which were wound tightly around her below her chest.

"Should I go get Abby?" Murphy asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Luna shook her head.

"No, it's okay" Luna brought her face beside Raven's to whisper in her ear.

Clarke moved to check the cut on Murphy's face which he had accumulated from Raven's punches.

"I'm fine" he grumbled, pushing her away. He quickly stormed off. Clarke quickly turned back to the two women who were sat on the floor. She knew Murphy would be pissed, but she at least had to try.

She was at a distance in which she couldn't hear exactly what Luna was saying, but soon enough she began to see Raven's breathing equaling out, inhaling and exhaling in time with Luna. Tears streamed down the enraged mechanic's face as she struggled to maintain her newly found sequence with her.

"Ai giv ai op... Gon nemiyon... Kom lanik-de..." (I give myself... To the miracle... Of the sea...) Luna said softly between deep breaths "Say it Raven."

Clarke watched in awe of Luna's soothing words. She wanted to know how Luna had learned to understand the art of helping people. Clarke wanted Luna to teach her.

"Ai giv ai op" Luna said again, allowing Raven to repeat her words (I give myself)

"A- Ai giv ai op"

"Gon nemiyon" Luna tucked a stray piece of hair behind Ravens ear (To the miracle)

"Gon nemiyon"

"Kom lanik-de" (Of the sea)

"Kom lanik-de" Raven repeated, her body relaxing into Luna's arms.

They both sat there, with Raven slowly returning to her normal self once again, before Luna carefully released her grip, setting her free from her arms. Raven edged forward ever so slightly, and pressed her palms to her face, stifling a sob. Luna gently ran her hands up and down Raven's shoulders to comfort her. It looked as if Raven relaxed at the touch.

"I understand your pain, Raven." Luna said with a small sigh, flicking her hair over her shoulder and away from her eyes "It's okay"

Raven only gave the slightest of nods. She stood, barely even caring who she pushed into as she left. Clarke watched, and although Raven wouldn't have wanted it, she felt sympathy towards the girl. She had lost everything, only to lose it again, and Murphy's sadistic jokes or sick comments made towards people would not help Raven in the slightest.

"She's going to be alright" Luna said. She tucked her hands comfortably between her recently crossed legs. She tipped her head to look up at Clarke "will Murphy?"

Clarke crossed her arms "That darkness you were talking about? It can go kiss Murphy's worthless ass"

She bent down to pick up Raven's jacket. She tucked the other girl's gun into her own holster incase she decided to use it on someone other than Azgeda. Luna watched with gentle eyes.

"I think from now on, you're our new Raven-sitter, Luna" Clarke held out Raven's red jacket to the leader of floukru, which swayed ever so slightly in the fresh breeze "Congratulations"

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Clarke sat on Lexa's bed rested against the headboard. She watched her move around the tent with swift footsteps.

"Lexa, are you sure you can do this?" Clarke asked once again. She had asked the same question more times than she could remember.

"You've never seen me in a dual" Lexa stated as she covered her undershirt with her armour.

"I don't want to." Clarke said "I want you alive, Lexa."

Lexa clicked her shoulder piece in place and turned around to look at Clarke, face still bare of warpaint "Clarke, Ontari is young. Inexperienced. A girl trained by Azgeda of all clans will not be a fair match for me. She will die quickly, I ensure you."

Lexa settled down on the bed beside Clarke. She reached out and carefully laced her fingers between Clarke's, bringing the blonde girl's hand to her lips for a gentle kiss. Clarke reached across to the bedside table and took the small wooden container, loosening the metal latch and lifting its top. She peered in at the black warpaint.

Lexa watched her with curious eyes, tightening her grip ever so slightly on Clarke's hand.

"Clarke, what are you doing?" Lexa asked softly.

"If you're going to go fight for our people, you need to look the part don't you?" Clarke said with a sad smile "come here"

Lexa edged closer to Clarke. So close in fact, that Clarke swung her legs to sit in the commander's lap. Lexa's hands rested on Clarke's waist as Clarke dabbed the warpaint onto her finger.

"You don't need to do this, you know" Lexa said as Clarke began applying the warpaint, her artistic nature getting the better of her.

"I'm with you. Not against you. That means I stand with you in your decisions. I'm going to help you, Lexa" Clarke whispered as she drew on Lexa's signature warpaint which she had memorised so well. Lexa closed her eyes when Clarke began to paint around her eyes.

"Thank you, Clarke" Lexa gave her the smallest of smiles, hand running up and down Clarke's back.

Clarke sighed as she placed the cap back onto the container, fixing the latch back on "Listen, if anything goes wrong... I'll be there. I'll make sure Octavia, Lincoln and Luna are with me. Not that take much convincing for them to be there anyway."

"Clarke. If anything happens you cannot retaliate during the fight. You must obey the rules." Lexa said with a frown.

"I mean, we'll be there to make sure that they obey the rules, Lexa" Clarke said and removed herself from Lexa's lap. The commander allowed her to pull her to her feet.

"If I lose to Ontari-"

"You won't" Clarke interrupted "Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?"

Lexa's smile warmed Clarke's heart, lighting a fire inside her that Lexa had kindled with a kind heart. Clarke pressed a single soft kiss to Lexa's lips.

"Let's go"


	23. Chapter 23

Clarke held Lexa's sword for her as they made their way towards the makeshift arena- a large circle made of wooden posts and guards that stood behind them. On one side of the circle, surrounding the outside, were Azgeda guards and warriors. Amongst them, were the Ice Queen and Ontari, who sent flaming glares to the other side of the circle where Lexa and her people stood.

"Lexa...?" Octavia murmured as she approached "we have a problem"

"What?" Lexa frowned

"Azgeda aren't the only ones here"

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked "the fight is with Ontari."

"Who also happens to be an ally of Farm station" Octavia crossed her arms "they're here"

Clarke looked over her shoulder to see another group of people pushing through to the front of the crowd. Surly enough, there was Pike, grasping his gun tightly in its holster, eyes fixed on the commander. Beside him stood Bellamy, brown eyes finding his sister instantly.

Betrayal flashed in Octavia's eyes, and Clarke could never even begin to imagine how she felt. To be left and betrayed by her own brother would destroy her. Although, Clarke had felt similar feelings with her mother when she had learned that she had turned her own father in. Clarke clenched her fists as Octavia turned back towards Lexa.

"They don't matter. They're just here to watch. They can't do anything against you, right? It's against the rules?" Octavia asked urgently

"Yes, it is against the rules. However, I'm not sure how much Pike cares about rules" Lexa said "watch them"

Octavia nodded "and... what about Bellamy?"

Lexa stared at her blankly "what about him?"

"I-... he's my brother... I don't think I could stop him if it came down to it" Octavia admitted.

"Then don't" Lexa said "Indra will be with you"

Octavia nodded once again before backing away to find Indra, braids whipping as she turned. Lincoln followed her, never once leaving her side.

"This doesn't change anything" Lexa mentioned as Clarke tightened the straps on her armour

"I know it doesn't. I don't think it would matter if it did. You'd still be going out there."

"I would, yes." Lexa said, catching Clarke's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze before letting go again. She turned only to be pulled back by her armour.

"Listen... Lexa I... I care about you okay? I don't want to lose you." Clarke whispered

"I care about you too, Clarke." Lexa frowned at her armour "I want this off"

"What?"

"I want it off. Clarke it's too heavy. I don't have as much movement as I'd wish for" Lexa explained

"Lexa that's your only protection from Ontari" Clarke said with wide eyes as Lexa unbuckled the straps.

"Clarke, I can't fight with it on" Lexa slid the armour off, handing it to Titus, who had appeared at the event. Clarke could only see him as a coward.

"This is a terrible idea" Clarke stated, holding out her sword.

"I know" Lexa said. She pulled her sword from the sheath in Clarke's hands, who then quickly stepped forward to press a kiss to Lexa's cheek "I'll be fine"

"I know" Clarke quirked an eyebrow, repeating Lexa's words. 

With one last small smile, Lexa turned to walk into the circle, posture tall and confident. The burning worry inside Clarke almost made her sick, and she wanted to launch herself after Lexa to take her place.

She had seen Lexa fight before in the middle of a battle hacking down Azgeda warriors like they were twigs. But Ontari wasn't just any Azgeda warrior. Neither Lexa or Clarke had even met her before, never mind seen her fight. For all Clarke knew, she could be just as ruthless and vicious as the commander herself. Clarke's heart beat tripled as she saw Ontari step into the arena across from Lexa, sharing a matching smirk with the Ice Queen.

Titus laced his fingers together tightly as he watched, and everyone shuffled on their feet at the suspense of what was yet to come. Clarke took a deep breath. She had to believe in Lexa. She had to.

Both Ontari and Lexa approached each other, circled each other, eyes crawling and sizing up their opponent in search of their flaws and their advantages. On Ontari's half, all Clarke could see were flaws. And on Lexa's half... advantages. Lexa was taller, stronger, and more agile. Ontari looked to have no chance against the commander.

With one last glance behind her at the Ice Queen, Ontari was the first to attack. She lunged, teeth gritted with impure anger, raising her sword and swinging it with unrelenting speed. In one smooth movement, Lexa sidestepped, avoiding the whirling blade. Lexa would have to be quick; the other girl was fast. But Ontari also let her emotions cloud her judgement whilst fighting.

Ontari growled angrily and her attacks began to grow sloppy with the decrease of thought in which she put into them. That was, until she momentarily took Lexa by surprise sending a direct stab towards Lexa's prone chest. The commander only just managed to block Ontari's deadly stab resulting in a cut down her stomach as she slammed the other girl's blade away with her own.

Clarke clapped her hands over her mouth to stifle a gasp. Indra only chuckled from beside her.

"Why the hell are you laughing?" Clarke said, flinching as Ontari wouldn't stop attempting to deliver fatal blows on the commander, who blocked them with ease.

"Lexa is playing with her" Indra pointed out "she's getting a feel to Ontari's methods and letting her tire herself out. Watch."

Clarke frowned at Lexa. She looked so at ease, simply dodging swings and occasionally sidestepping or allowing her sword to clash with her opponent's. Behind them, Nia smirked with confidence.

"Something isn't right..." Clarke whispered to Indra "It looks like Nia doesn't even care.

Indra' eyes suddenly widened "Oh... shit..."

Something in the way Ontari fought suddenly snapped, and she spun with such elegance and speed to deliver a harsh kick straight to Lexa's face, knocking the commander off balance. She stumbled back, eyes wide and dazed with the blow. Ontari lunged with her sword once more, this time receiving a more delayed reaction from Lexa. The tip of her sword dug into her shoulder, causing Clarke to bite her lip. That armour would have definitely benefited her now.

With the smallest groan of pain escaping Lexa's lips, the braided brunette swung her sword. However, the blow had an acute fault due to the new injury in Lexa's shoulder. That fault allowed Ontari a chance which she took without hesitation. She ducked, dodging the blade and as she rose to her feet, jabbed Lexa in her shoulder with her elbow.

The sudden pain caused the commander's grip to loosen on the handle of her weapon, and the sound of her sword clattering against the ground rung in Clarke's ears. Ontari's kick sent it scuttling across the floor and away from Lexa's reach.

The commander was left defenceless.

Clarke impended over the risk of Lexa's downfall at that very moment. What if this was it? What if this was the moment where Lexa's reign finally came to an end with her death?

Clarke's thoughts were cut short as Lexa was knocked down to her knees before Ontari, a sword rested threateningly against her neck. Was this Ontari's way of killing Lexa? Decapitation? Did she want Lexa to die the same way her love, Costia, had died? She didn't want to watch. Clarke wanted to turn away and never see such a thing from happening. But then, she couldn't tear her eyes away.

"Any last words, commander?" Ontari sneered. Lexa glared up at her with her hands curled into tight fists.

"Not for you" She said evenly, staring up at Ontari who stood over her "and not now"

"Very well" Ontari lifted the chipped crafted iron which dripped with nightblood and slashed at Lexa's neck.

Clarke expected the mass of blood to stain the ground for eternity. She expected Lexa's body to slump to the ground, her head falling beside Ontari's feet like some sick game of ball. But the thud of limbs against the floor never came. Instead, came the scuffling of feet.

Lexa ducked her head rapidly, evading Ontari's decapitating swing. She leapt forward, strong shoulders colliding with Ontari's knees causing the black haired girl to crumble to the ground. The sword Ontari had wielded landed beside Lexa's across the arena.

Lexa was on her feet in an instant, and brought her boot to Ontari's face in a vicious kick. Black blood sprayed from the girl's mouth, splatting in large drops against the leather of Lexa's boots. The blow was hard, sending Ontari into a momentary state of blindness. It sent her stumbling, fumbling at her belt in attempt to retrieve her dagger which she had kept hidden through the entirety of their fight. Until now.

The blade flashed in the blazing sun as Ontari slashed at Lexa. Sweat rolled down the side of Lexa's face as she sidestepped and dodged until bringing Ontari's attacks to a hault by blocking the dagger with her forearm. The commander brought a knee to her opponents stomach and grasped tightly at the dagger in the other girl's hand, causing her to double over at the pain.

They both wrestled for power over the small slice of death which they held between them, and fresh clouds of dust leapt up from below their feet at the action. Lexa gritted her teeth and tilted the tip of the dagger towards Ontari's heart, struggling against the black haired girl's own strength.

It was over before Clarke even knew that it could be. Lexa's grabbed Ontari by her shoulder and shoved her vehemently onto the blade, using her own body to force the metal further into her heart. Lexa's green eyes stared into the darkening brown eyes of Ontari, allowing herself the privilege of watching the life drain from her. Satisfied, she pulled out the dagger from Ontari's chest, which had also been sandwiched between both of their bodies, with one rushed step back.

The commander's jaw jumped with the adrenaline of a fresh kill, leaping below the skin. A sigh of relief escaped Clarke's lips, and Indra wore a proud smile which she directed boldly towards her Heda. Cheers erupted from Lexa's men and women who fought for her and supported her.

But Lexa was far from done. She drew back her arm and, over her shoulder, direct her aim directly towards Nia. Her arm twitched, fingers let loose, and a dagger was sent flying through the air with utmost precision. It found its new home in the stomach of the Ice Queen herself, settling into its new sheath of skin and flesh.

Lexa tipped her chin up as the queen of Azgeda fell to her knees, crimson blood spilling from her lips and rolling freely down the corner of her mouth. Two Azgeda lives had been taken in the small space of two minutes or less, not once receiving the mercy that they would never beg for nor ever receive.

It seemed that, after all the years Lexa had spent grieving, she had finally found the revenge she had looked for. Nia was dead. It was a debt of which she owed Lexa after murdering Costia, yet it would never be a fair trade; Clarke knew that. Nia deserved every single drop of blood that escaped her corrupt and sickening body, yet Costia deserved life. The Ice Queen wished for nothing but death and never once took the time to understand life in its own form- unlike Costia, who had explored it in its greatest beauty.

No, it was not fair. In fact, it was far from such a thing. Yet it seemed to be good enough for Heda.

And that meant it just so happened to be good enough for Wanheda too.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapters song is called ‘Muddy Waters by LP!

Lexa grasped Echo's forearm tightly, both women nodding to each other respectfully. She eyed the dried darkened patch of Ontari's blood which had stained Lexa's shirt, before stepping away again. Lexa could feel the concealed anger when Echo held her arm with a vice-like grip, forcing her fingertips and sharp nails to dig into the commander's skin. She was smart enough, though, not the cause any harm to Lexa. Two important Azgeda deaths were enough for one day. Another would do no good to their clan.

"I'll be seeing you soon, commander" Echo said.

Lexa tipped her head to the side ever so slightly, examining Echo's angry state "No you won't" Lexa responded calmly.

"Heda-"

"Azgeda has shown its true loyalties within this war" Lexa folded her arms "I no longer recognise Ice Nation as a member of my coalition; our alliance has been broken"

"What?" Echo's eyes widened

"The place of the 12th clan with be awarded to a more... loyal clan" Lexa said "If they will have it, Skaikru will become the 12th clan"

"But... Heda. We need the supplies from other clans. We were following orders-"

"Ice nation have always been unloyal, no matter who their leader is. From now on, you are on your own, Echo. I apologise if this causes any difficulties for the families within your clan, but I am afraid I can no longer trust you"

Echo clenched her jaw and gave Lexa a small nod, stepping back from the dangerous commander. Now, Lexa was expecting farm station to recognise they had lost heir war, and accept defeat.

She looked back to Clarke, where she should have been stood beside Indra. Lexa knew that's where she had been, because she kept glancing over to the blonde during the fight to persuade herself she was safe. But now that space was empty, and Lexa's heart was pumping rapidly, her mind racing faster than ever.

"Where is Clarke?" Lexa asked. Indra straightened her back and looked at her surroundings.

"I... she went to talk to Luna. They should be here..." Indra frowned.

From across the crowd, Lexa's eyes met with Pike's. His dark eyes were fixated on her, something smug hiding behind his daring stare. Lexa's clenched her fists into a tight ball, knuckles going white with the pressure. From beside Pike, Bellamy stood with his arms crossed, staring at his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. He looked suspicious. Guilty.

No, their enemy had not lost just yet. Lexa turned her back to the leader of farm station with his newly discovered lackey, and faced Indra again, who gave her a questioning look. Through gritted teeth, she spoke.

"She's not here, Indra"

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Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Clarke's eyelids felt weighted. Her head pounded with damage.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

She slowly tore her eyes open, the sickly noise bringing her to her senses. Each distinct, individual sound was shortly followed by a pained cry or groan. Clarke already knew who they belonged to. Luna.

She pushed herself up with extra care, avoiding the fact that the cell she lay in was spinning. Blood slowly trickled down the side of her face, serving as an ever growing puddle of evidence that she had been hit in the head forcefully by her attacker. Lifting her shaking fingers, she lightly touched the wound just above her temple, instantly retracting her hand from the sudden amount of pain. Her mind was blank almost. Most events which had occurred before the attack on her and Luna were a hazy blur of dull colours. She closed her eyes, attempting to remember.

~ As Lexa approached Nia's dead body, Clarke realised that the commander was no longer in danger. What she had also realised, was that Luna was standing further from the scene than she had imagined her to be standing. She tilted her head with curiosity.

"Indra, I'm going to go and talk with Luna. I'll just be over there, okay?" Clarke mentioned to Indra, who gave a quick nod and redirected her attention towards the victorious commander.

Clarke weaved though the crowds of her people, passing Octavia and Lincoln who were still discreetly watching Farm Station. The three of them shared small glances along side the slightest nod of understanding between them. It seemed that the grounders had spread their habits of nodding more than necessary to Clarke's own people.

Her pace slowed as she approached the warm-eyed leader of floukru. She looked proud of Lexa. Of the coalition. But there was something within her that looked... anxious?

"Hey" Clarke said quietly "Everything okay?"

Luna quickly shook her head and uncrossed her arms "Yeah. Yes, I'm fine Wanheda."

Clarke lifted an eyebrow "What's on your mind, Luna?"

In response, Luna dropped her shoulders with a sigh "Seeing Lexa fight like that- It reminds me of our conclave. She was magnificent; it was clear that everyone already knew she'd become Heda." She stared ahead of her through the crowd as Lexa wiped the dagger clean of blood "seeing her fight like that reminds me of when I fought like that"

Clarke rested a hand on Luna's shoulder to offer some sort of comfort. She could never understand Luna's full pain, or how it felt to kill a brother to achieve a political position of which she never even wanted. All she knew, was that it felt wrong.

Clarke sighed "This time, the people who died deserved what they-"

A twig snapped loudly behind them, causing both women to spin their heads in the direction.

"What was that?" Clarke whispered. Luna drew her sword and squinted, eyes narrowing into thin slits.

"I don't know." She whispered back.

They moved quietly further into the woods, alert. The trees offered whoever or what it was, a hiding spot. But then again, it wasn't as if they hid behind the trees.

"Luna watch out!" Clarke yelled, eyes widening in horror as a body dropped down from the tree, knocking down Luna in one swift blow to the back of the head. Clarke stumbled back as the powerful figure in black stormed towards her. She fumbled for her gun in her belt and yanked it out, aiming directly for her attacker's head. Just like that, their arm snapped out, and her gun was sent flying into a tree, leaving Clarke completely defenceless. One giant, almost inhumane fist connected with her temple and knocked her down. Next, all she could remember was staring across the leaf littered ground in hope for someone to help. But help never came.~

Clarke ran her hand up and over the ripped fabric of her jacket, staring ahead at the plain white wall. She could remember drawing in and out of consciousness, upside down and swaying back and forth over the shoulder of her strong enemy with his hands wrapped tightly around her ankles. She can still see the teary, upside-down visions of the reversed writing. The puddle which rippled below the carriers feet reflected the name.

'Mount weather'

It was like a cycle, always ending up being captured and taken to mount weather when she thought she was winning. The cell she was in, quite frankly, became disgustingly familiar. She rolled on her side and peered at the door, waiting for someone to show up and beat her bloody like they were beating Luna- and whoever else they had captured.

The same question tore through her mind. It made her entire body freeze up, tense. The horrific feeling of worry pressed down on her chest as if it was intending to suffocate her.

Where was Lexa?

Had all of Clarke and Lexa's people been captured? Had Lexa fallen into the same trap Luna and Clarke did?

The door was swung open and a body was dragged in by two men. Clarke recognised them as members of farm station, one of which were close with Monty. Family perhaps.

Her eyes flicked down to the unconscious tangle of limbs which hung limp in their arms. Her once brown and fuzzy hair was matted wth blood, which oozed from cuts and gashes across her face and body. They discarded her, dropping her at Clarke's feet before leaving once again.

"Luna" she whispered softly, dropping to her knees beside the beaten and bruised leader. She wiped the hair away which had stuck to her face with blood. Bloodshot brown eyes stared up at her, and shaky hands grasped at Clarke's shoulder.

"D- did they hurt you?" She asked quietly, voice cracking with the abuse it had received so recently. Clarke frowned down at her.

"Are you kidding me? Look at you Luna, you're practically bleeding out and you're worried about me?" Clarke shook her head, removing her ripped and torn jacket to press it to Luna's largest wound "worry about yourself first"

Luna scoffed, rolling onto her back. She puffed out a pained breath and stared up at Clarke as she wiped her wounds clean "I wish I could" she mumbled.

"What?" Clarke paused to look at Luna again, giving her full attention. Luna just shook her head in response and stared at the ceiling above her. Clarke took it as a sign to be quiet, and allowed the silence to take over them, only interrupted every now and then by Luna's heavy breaths catching in her throat.

Clarke couldn't understand why they had been taken, or why they had tortured her friend so brutally. The war was over, right? Lexa had killed the Ice Queen, resulting in a victory for her clans. So why we're farm station still taking action? What were their plans?

"She'll be here" Luna sat up, pushing Clarke's hand away.

"What do you mean?"

"Lexa" she rested her head against the wall draping an arm over her knee and watching Clarke "she'll come for us"

Clarke nodded, looking down, lacing her fingers together as a distraction. She now knew it was a trap. The only reason why she was still alive was because Pike knew she'd come to Clarke's aid. The thought of Lexa throwing herself into danger for her made her feel a soft warmth in the pit of her stomach. It was sickly, but it was still there.

"She loves you, you know" Luna said, breaking the silence between them. Clarke quickly looked up at her, taken aback. "She won't ever say it. But she does. I can see it."

"How can you see it?" Clarke shook her head.

"She protects you. And she let you in. Do you know how many people she shuts out?" Luna leant forward, her words soft "Everybody Clarke. Even... even Costia was kept in the dark about a lot of things"

"She hasn't told me much, Luna" Clarke crossed her arms

"She's told you a lot more than she's ever told anyone since Costia died. And that's what people expected of her" Luna sighed and wiped the blood from her hands onto her pants "They see her as the commander, Clarke. A symbol, with ruthless actions and no weaknesses to exploit. They all forgot that there was still a girl underneath all of that. Maybe I did too, at one point."

"Why are you telling me this?" Clarke frowned. She didn't want to listen. She knew Lexa had been robbed of a normal life, a childhood, a love. It pained her to know that.

"Because, Clarke, we all wear masks. But sometimes if the wrong one is forced onto you, when the time comes you can't remove it without removing your skin"

"What are you even talking about Luna?"

"I mean, Lexa cares about you enough to lose herself and give up everything just to be with you and see you smile. I know she's planning to remove the flame. And drop from the position of the commander. Do you think she'd do that for anyone?"

"No..."

"No. She wouldn't. She would give up everything she had worked towards, and built, just be with you. That stands for something, don't you think?"

Clarke shuffled uncomfortably at her side of the cell, Luna's words bouncing around in her head. Lexa cared about her. Lexa loved her. But would she ever admit to it? Or was Lexa too full of self pride and care too much for her reputation with her people?

Her mind wondered further- to only a few days ago. To how it felt to be in Lexa's arms, warm and safe. And how it felt to have Lexa in her own arms, knowing all too well that that was exactly how she wanted to be for the rest of her life. The memory of the beautiful smile on Lexa's lips made her heart ache, and the soft, gentle touch of her fingertips, made Clarke feel her absence more than ever.

"Now someone looks heartbroken"

Clarke lifted her head to see Pike stood, peering through the freshly installed bars at the two women.

"And someone else looks... like shit" he chuckled to himself, shaking his head "wow you two really are your own messes huh?"

"You're the one who ordered this" Luna said through gritted teeth, motioning to herself "you had me tortured"

"You were the one who fought back" he added. He pressed a hand to the doorframe and leaned closer to the bars "Sit tight, ladies. She'll be here soon"

Clarke almost growled at his words. So it was his plan to lure Lexa in, capture her and probably kill her, with Clarke and Luna themselves as his bait. She moved towards the door, jaw clenched in anger; it was a habit which she had picked up from Lexa.

She approached the door, fists curled into a tight balls of anger. "You want the commander, Pike?" She asked, earning a smug nod from the leader.

"And I'll get her too" he said. Clarke grasped the bars and dared to bring her face as close as she could to Pike's.

"Yeah, you'll get the commander" she whispered slowly, delivering every hint of rage and hate into her words "and she will rip you to pieces in front of every single one of your people. She will show them exactly what you are. Nothing."

"Oh, trust me, I would believe you." He glared directly back at the increasingly brace blonde "but words often lose their charm when they're spoken through prison bars, Griffin."

Clarke stood, refusing to break the stare of which she held with severe confidence. She knew, if it were Lexa here, she would do the same. She would challenge her enemies with the terrifying calmness that Clarke had came to face the first time she'd met her. Now this was Clarke's take on it, but more angry and vengeful. After all, Clarke had never been trained as well as Lexa to hide her emotions. So why try?

"Alright. Then believe this: If Lexa doesn't kill you... I will" she growled "that's a promise you know I can keep"

He scoffed and turned his back to her, quickly moving down the hallways of mount weather angrily. Clarke tipped her chin up in a small victory as she watched his form shrink with distance. She heard Luna snort from behind her, and she turned to find the girl holding back a smirk.

"What?"

Luna let out the smallest of laughs, shoulders shaking softly with the movement "If Lexa was here, I wouldn't say this. But I have to admit that I can see why she likes you" she scratched her chin, finally allowing her smirk to show through "that was terrifyingly hot... Griffin"


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, nobody knows this but I’m a big metal head and sometimes the songs I listen to actually fit my story in my mind, so the song I used for this one was was ‘our souls were clean’ by The Body. Give it a chance I swear it’s worth it hahahaha

Sat against the wall on the floor, legs splayed out in front of her, Clarke sighed. She ran her fingers through Luna's hair, who's head was rested in her lap. The brunette was asleep, her bruised and tired eyes sealed shut in exhaustion.

There was no time in a cell, Clarke had concluded. No night and day, or hours or minutes. Just one breath after another as she waited for freedom. It felt like years since she had been locked away, but judging by Luna's still injured state, she could take a logical guess that it was only a few days.

She wondered where Lexa was. She hoped that Lexa hadn't forgotten about them, or had decided to leave her behind again...

"I will in no way betray you again" Lexa said "I promise"

"You promise?"

"I promise"

Clarke sighed and leant her head backs against the wall, feeling the cold seep through her hair and drill a dull ache into her scalp. No. Lexa wouldn't leave her again. Not after everything they had been through, and everything that they had done. Lexa had shown she had cared for Clarke, especially on the battlefield after she threw herself into harms way to protect the blonde from flying arrows.

Clarke closed her eyes, biting her lip. The way the green would flick across foreign words printed on withering paper. The way her brows would turn down when she stumbled on a few unknown words. It never mattered if Lexa was in a state of confusion, or anger, or pain. She was still breathtakingly beautiful, and she never once refused the softness that would grow in her eyes at a single glance of Clarke.

"What are you thinking of, Wanheda?" Luna's sleep-thick voice caused her eyes to flick open in search of its source.

"You know what I'm thinking of" She sighed

"She'll be here, Clarke" Luna rolled on her side, adjusting her head in Clarke's lap "You need to stop, you're thinking too loud"

Clarke smoothed back Luna's hair once more, tucking it away from the warm eyes of the floukru leader.

If only she could stop. It would be so much easier to fall asleep without the flashes of green darting across her half-shut eyes, or the gentle whispers of the commander just as she began to feel sleep tug at her. After a few attempts at sleeping, Clarke came to the realisation that she couldn't sleep without Lexa by her side. Without knowing that the brunette was safe in her arms.

"I said stop thinking" Luna mumbled with her eyes closed "you're giving me a headache."

Clarke let a small chuckle slip from her lips as they curved ever so slightly in amusement "I'm sorry. Sleep."

After a few moments of silence, with the two women beginning to relax in comfortable silence, Clarke was quickly drawn back to the horrific reality of living on earth. The door to their cell was ripped open, and footsteps followed with thunder as farm station members grabbed them in violent grasps, restraining them without the slightest care in the world.

"What the hell are you doing?" Clarke exclaimed, wincing as she was dragged towards the door by her arms "Let me go!"

Clarke felt a fist deliver a harsh punch to her stomach, knocking the breath from her lungs in a swift blow. Luna lunged forward at the action, teeth bared and growls rising in her throat like an angered wild animal.

"Touch her again, and so help me I will rip you to shreds" Luna threatened. A woman stepped forward and back handed the girl, sending her head snapping to the side. The leader clenched her jaw.

"Don't be so sure" the farm station woman sneered

"Oh I am sure. If I don't do it..." Luna leant forward in the grip of her enemies "Lexa will"

The sick woman scoffed, and lead them down the corridors. Clarke was hardly even able to use her feet, and in the end, resulted to allowing her legs dangle uselessly as they were dragged across cold concrete floor.

"I want them taken to level 7. Hold them in the harvest chambers" she instructed, cold grey eyes glaring at both Clarke and Luna.

"Is that everything?" A low voice grumbled from behind them. By the sounds of it, he was almost tipping over the edge of sanity. He was most likely growing sick of being told what to do by this woman, who clearly had no respect.

"Barricade the doors. I want guards on every single entrance. Nobody gets in without Chancellor Pike or my permission. Understood?"

Clarke could only assume that he had nodded, as once again she felt herself be dragged forward once again. The last words she heard from the woman in charge sent flames surging through her veins, and hope bubbling in her heart. Luna and Clarke's eyes widened as they landed on each other, both feeling the impact of her words.

"She's almost here"

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"Niylah, as soon as we get them out, I want you to take Clarke and Luna back to your trading post. Whatever happens, you take them and you do not look back. Is that understood?" Lexa commanded.

Niylah stepped away from the harsh tone which the commander projected with a quick nod. Octavia watched the scene play out from a distance as she sharpened her sword, one foot propped up on a rock and her arm rested on her leg. Lincoln sat behind her comfortably. Every now and then she would glance back to find him scribbling and sketching in his notebook. A small smile appeared on her lips.

"I don't care, Niylah!" Lexa surged forward and grasped the blonde by her shirt "Just listen to what I say. Because if things go wrong, I'll make you wish you were dead. Is that understood, trader?"

Niylah tipped her head up to look Lexa in the eye in attempt to challenge the commander. Octavia wasn't sure what Niylah had done to enrage Lexa in such a short amount of time, but with Clarke missing, she could only guess that her temper had been at breaking point to begin with.

"Just do it" Lexa hissed through gritted teeth. She dropped the fabric bundled into her fist and turned back to Indra "hurry up and get our army moving. There will be no more waiting. We end the conflict now, and retrieve Luna kom Floukru and Clarke kom Skaikru."

"Let's go! Jasper, I want you to stay with Raven. Octavia, Lincoln, go with the commander." Abby said, walking side by side with Lexa.

The women seethed, both entirely enraged by the kidnapping of the ones they cared for. Octavia could see it in their eyes, that if any harm had came to Clarke Griffin, they would break- they would never forgive themselves- they would tear every single man and woman down who hurt Clarke. With a sore heart, Octavia could confirm that Bellamy would be one of those people.

Their movement was rapid, faster than Octavia had ever traveled with an army of such great size. They had made it to the doors of mount weather in next to no time. She could sense the urgency in every footstep Lexa took.

She watched the commander cross the grass towards the entrance, fists clenched to the point where her split and bruised knuckles had turned white. Octavia narrowed her eyes as she watched. Did Lexa really care for Clarke? Everything she had done since her return had benefited the stubborn blonde leader. But what if she was just using Clarke, for a second time, to end a war? Quite frankly, Lexa Kom Triku was the most confusing woman Octavia had ever met. She brought her hand up to scratch at her chin in thought- perhaps Clarke Griffin was the only person to truly know who the commander was.

"Raven" Lexa crossed to the mechanic who stood slumped against a horse, eyes weighted with darkened bags. There was the smallest amount of sympathy in Lexa's eyes.

"Yeah?" She looked up from her feet sadly

"I want you to do what you do best. Do you remember the basic layout of mount weather?"

"Yes" Raven tilted her head "why?"

"I want every floor removed of it's power and lighting. Are you capable?" Lexa eyes Raven up and down.

"I suppose... I'm going to need to get inside though. Through the farm or the dam maybe...." Raven had entered her mechanic mode, where everything and anything was blocked out that wasn't related to the task at hand. Octavia found that one of Raven's most impressive features.

"Octavia, Lincoln," Lexa turned "take Raven in. Protect her while she works. If you need backup, communicate with Jasper or Abby immediately. Is that understood?"

"Yes commander" Raven mumbled, and Octavia turned to follow Raven immediately into mount weather- but a soft hand with a hard grip caught her elbow. She turned back to see Lexa staring at her, and all of a sudden she felt like she had her figured out. Well, slightly anyway.

"If you find her, get her out" Lexa whispered. Octavia nodded in an instant. It was true, now she could see it clearly, that Lexa cared for Clarke. It was in her eyes. It was something she and Lincoln personally shared after one of them were exposed to danger. But this.... this was stronger "If anything happens to me, keep her safe. I've already told Abby but... you're different. Please."

Lexa's beg almost reached out to grasp Octavia's rapidly pumping heart. It was obvious as to why Clarke had fallen for the woman. She was strong, and hid her emotions for the better of her people, even if sometimes it was the worst thing to do. She was a perfect warrior: selfless, powerful, skilled and strong. Above all, Octavia could admit that Lexa was in fact breathtaking in her own way. She would promise Lexa. Not for Lexa herself but for Clarke; she wasn't sure if the blonde could admit it, but she knew Clarke loved the commander.

"I promise." Octavia reached out and gave Lexa's unarmored shoulder a squeeze before turning and catching up to Raven who had limped ahead during that time. The faint thundering voice of the commander could heard even from the distance Octavia had put between them. Her voice seemed to echo with power past anywhere.For violence or for peace, Lexa's orders were definitely heard.

"We kill everyone who fights back" There was a pause. A powerful glow of pure silence which radiated from Lexa "mow down those who get in our way."

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Indra stared at the door to mount weather with a glare of which could burn holes in the impenetrable metal if she so wished to. She stood by Lexa's side, sword wielded tightly in her right fist.

"Do you still have your fears of the dark, Heda?" Indra asked through gritted teeth quietly. Lexa side glances towards the woman.

"Perhaps. But none of that matters right now, Indra. My only fear at this moment is the harm that may come to Clarke and Luna." She replied.

There was a loud groan amongst the building of mount weather. As the door creaked open, Lexa stared for a brief moment into the darkness of the echoing and empty corridors. Occasionally, there would be the faintest rumble of a voice from far deeper inside the mountain.

"Raven did it. She cut the power" Abby called from behind them. She made her way quickly to stand between Lexa and Indra, eying the inner walls of their enemy's base "let's go get my daughter back"

"And Luna." Indra added, tilting her head to send a small glare her way.

"Yes. And Luna" Abby repeated. She pulled the gun, which hung at her side from its strap, and settled it in her hands, rested against her shoulder in preparation.

"Are you aware of how to use that, Dr. Griffin?" Lexa couldn't help but ask.

"We'll soon find out now, won't we?"

Abby was the second to step into the black oblivion of a powerless mount weather, the first of course being the commander herself.

"Not a sound from anyone. We move in stealth and silence, and we attack swiftly and quietly. Understood?" Lexa whispered as her footsteps remained echoless, noiseless. The only sound she produced were the sounds of her unsheathing her swords, and the hushed, commanding whispers that escaped her lips "Radio Raven. Tell her to destroy mount weather as soon as we give the order."

Abby nodded to Jasper, who left to speak to Raven on the radio. Which left Abby, Lexa and Indra leading the group. Abby remained tailing the two warriors, knowing that a close counter attack would be much more successful deflected by them than her, who was a mere doctor who had fallen from the sky to find her daughter.

Ahead, Lexa's long fingers tightened around the grip of her sword. There were more footsteps, more than they themselves could produce, and Lexa lunged forward. Her blades clashed into the man who walked blind through the dark. The body thudded against the concrete, blood seeping from the gaping gashes in his flesh. The droplets dripped onto the ground like water leaking from a broken tap.

Lexa was vicious, raged, animalistic in so many ways. The mane of brunette hair, braided and curled, cascaded down her back. She stood tall, stealing pride from Lions, her footsteps were silent and unwavering, stealing stealth from cheetahs- speed and agility high at the top of her ability list.

She pounced, dove, and hunted. Her unannounced presence inside mount weather shortly made clear with the screams of falling men. Each one had been slashed down with technique; her years of training from Anya had prepared her for this. And yet, her training had also never prepared her for falling in love. Her refusal to name her feelings towards Clarke... that... was a refusal made out of fear.

That fear was returning, boiling and pooling up in the pit of Lexa's stomach as she fought her way through mount weather. She couldn't hide from it, because she didn't want to. She couldn't hide from Clarke. And she couldn't hide from caring for her. As she slashed down the last of the people on the open levels, she stared down at the body.

She could be the body at any point in her life, she realised. She could die the next day and Clarke would never know how she felt. Clarke would live, only knowing half of who Lexa really was.

She clenched her jaw and powered forward towards the locked down level. Abby was behind her, eying a small cut on Lexa's arm.

One thing the doctor knew for sure though, was:

Level 7 was close to becoming a bloodbath.

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When the power cut out, the only source of light in the room were Clarke and Luna's victorious, glowing smile. They both knew Lexa had came to help them.

They also knew it was Lexa herself, when they heard the following screams and begs for forgiveness shortly after. They had all been silenced part-way through their begging.

Clarke's heart skipped a beat when there was a thud against the door, and she jumped forward to run towards it. She could feel Lexa on the other side, the magnetic pull of the commander drawing her from her knees. Of course, her legs were kicked from below her, and she fell on her face as a consequence.

"Stay down" said her guard. His voice wavered, knowing for a fact that his life would shortly end. Clarke groaned, the small sounds of her pain causing the thuds against the door to increase, louder and angrier.

"You don't have to do this. You can help us. Open it" Clarke said unto the darkness. His hesitation moved the air around them.

"She'll kill me" he finally replied

"She'll kill you once she gets that door open" Clarke countered. There was silence. A footstep. A quiet beep of authorisation from his keycard. The slide of a door.

Lexa bounded in, feral and wild. Wild until her eyes landed on the outline of Clarke's figure in he dark. And then she was collected, calm, as she reached down with an open palm to help up the blonde.

"Clarke?" She whispered.

There was a certain softness in her voice which Clarke had not even heard before. It was as if Lexa had dropped down ever single wall she had in the space of a few seconds.

Whatever it was that Lexa was showing Clarke in that moment in time, with Abby stood not far behind her...

....she wanted more of it.

So, so much more of it.


	26. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song is ‘I found’ by Amber Run!

Clarke watched in awe as Lexa's shadow sunk to her knees, cutting into Clarke's bonds and freeing her with a small dagger.

"Lexa" The relieved blonde fell forward into the commander's arms, losing herself in the comfort of her hug. She buried her face in her shoulder. She could feel in that moment where her home truly was. It wasn't in space, on the ark, or at the drop ship. Her only home was Lexa-warm and welcoming and safe.

The walls of mount weather were dull and uneventful. They drew every single ounce of boredom and disinterest from Clarke that it was almost painful to sit in a cell for days on end with four walls staring back at her. But Lexa... the sight of her made it all worth it.

"Are you okay?" Lexa whispered into the tangles of Clarke's hair. Clarke nodded

"Yeah but they hurt Luna pretty bad. I think she may have a few broken ribs" She responded, and Lexa slowly loosened her grip on her, pulling away from the hug. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Luna perk up at her own name, only to wince ever so slightly and grasp her side.

"I'll take her back. Get her some place safe." Abby spoke, hands on hips, watching.

"Thanks mom" Clarke replied. She stared back at Abby in caution, unsure as whether her hands on her hips meant disappointment or if it meant pride. The small smile she displayed after Clarke spoke suggested it could be the latter.

"Let's get you out of here, Clarke." Lexa spoke in a hushed, soft tone "We need to talk"

Clarke's heart leapt. She knew for a fact that when someone said 'we need to talk' it usually resulted in something bad, like a relationship to end. Clarke knew, and understood, that all things at some point came to an end. However, she wasn't ready yet. She wasn't ready for them to end.

"Is everything okay?" Clarke whispered

"Yeah" Lexa brushed her hand against Clarke's, looking down and moving closer "I just want to talk to you, Clarke"

The moment of weakness of which the commander was showing revealed the true gentle nature of her. It was beautiful. Lexa was beautiful. Clarke could do nothing but be relieved. And in that moment of relief, she leant forward, resting her forehead against Lexa's while she could with the taller woman's head ducked down.

"I'm sorry" Lexa whispered quietly.

"Hey" She lifted her hand to rest on Lexa's cheek in comfort. The faint colour of green eyes revealed everything she had to know- that she felt guilty.

"I shouldn't have let you out of my sight. I knew... I knew something was suspicious, Clarke. I could have stopped them if I wasn't so caught up in fighting... I'm sorry" Lexa tried explaining herself. But Clarke saw no need for it. There was nothing to apologise for.

"It's okay, Lexa. It's nobody's fault that this happened. We're safe now" Clarke nodded "We can go back to Polis. And we can rebuild the ark after destroying mount weather. Everything is going to get better, and we..."

Lexa stared at Clarke. The word 'we' echoed through both of their heads.

"We can survive" Clarke added finally, after her loss of words left too much silence between them which had drawn too many thoughts. The corner of Lexa's mouth curved into a subtle smile.

"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving" Lexa retraced Clarke's words with a certain beauty that it made life sound... amazing... if Lexa was there too.

"Commander" the deep rumble of a voice drew a growl from Lexa's lips as she grit her teeth.

Pike clicked the bullet into the chamber of his gun, training its line of sight directly on Clarke. Behind him stood more of his men, guns fixed on the two women, a wall of weaponry. Some men were still shuffling into place, aiming over each other's shoulders.

"Shit" Clarke whispered. Glancing over her shoulder, she nodded to her mother to get Luna out of he mountain. In response, Abby slowly crept over to the brunette leader still laying on the floor, and hooped her arm around her waist. She pulled her to her feet, and helped her hobble to safety.

The room still felt full.

Hostile, violent, and full.

Lexa shifted from foot to foot beside her, eyes searching for an escape.

They were helpless.

"I knew you would come for her" Pike strolled forward, gun still in hand "The Ice Queen told me all about your weaknesses, commander. When you love, you love hard. Don't you?"

Lexa tipped her chin up to stare directly back at him, eyes blazing. Pike's words struck a match inside of Lexa. Clarke could feel it blazing beside her.

"I hear you're the greatest commander to have ever lived. Was that said before or after you murdered half of farm station?" He questioned

"I told you, that was Ice nation." Lexa spoke slowly through gritted teeth.

"And I was told they were simply following orders from the leader of their coalition: Commander Lexa Kom Trikru... is that something you never told Clarke? That you were the one giving the order? Are you keeping secrets from her like you kept secrets from... what's her name again? Costia? Didn't she die because of your secrets, Commander?"

Lexa was coiled tight. If one more word slithered from his mouth, she would dispose of him quickly. No matter how many guns were there.

"What's your point, Pike?" Clarke questioned.

"I'd say too many people have died for this... commander. We are all just pawns in her game of leadership. Disposable pawns." He stared the leader of the 12 clans up and down, his face revealing nothing but disgust "the only one she cares about is you."

He redirected his gun towards Clarke. Lexa's eyes widened and she clenched her fists.

"What are you doing?" She whispered, the danger that Clarke was suddenly in drew out her weakness.

"Weakening you" Pike spoke like it was an acceptable explanation.

It happened so slowly.

It happened so quickly.

Clarke readied herself for the pain. She readied herself to take the bullet. She was ready because at least it wasn't Lexa. Lexa, who was the only one on Earth who had the capability of doing what was right. Lexa, who was perfect in every way.

The bullet lurched from the chamber as Pike's finger squeezed the metal of the trigger.

She expected it to hurt.

She thought she would be able to look down and see the blood pooling on the floor, leaking from a hole in her chest. But she was fine.

Lexa's cry was loud. Deafening. She leapt, shielding Clarke with her own body. Clarke felt the softness of her brunette hair brushing against her cheek as she slumped against her, body no longer strong and powerful. The blonde immediately grasped onto Lexa as the commander's legs betrayed her, buckling from below her.

"No..." Clarke whispered "No"

She sank to the ground with Lexa still tightly in her arms. The sound of footsteps leaving were temporarily blocked out by Clarke.

They were alone.

Lexa heaved her breaths, gasping, hurting. Clarke's eyes snapped down to find the darkness in Lexa's shirt growing and spreading.

"Just lay still okay? You're going to be okay." Clarke stuttered. She pressed down against the bullet wound which gaped in the centre of Lexa's stomach.

Tear after tear rolled down her face as she stared down at the woman in her arms. She was never prepared for this. Never prepared to lose another person who she loved. Not Lexa.

Lexa stared up at her, green eyes calm yet panicked. She reached out and grasped Clarke's hand in hers tightly, fingers shaking.

"Don't be afraid, Clarke" she whispered. She nodded her head "My people are your people. They will take care of you."

A lump grew in Clarke's throat and she finally let out a sob "I don't want them. I want you."

Behind her, Niylah and Abby stumbled in behind them.

"We heard a gunshot. What-" Abby froze as she saw the commander laying in Clarke's arms "oh my god."

Clarke quickly pulled Lexa closer, as if the closeness would somehow heal her. She hoped for it; she prayed for it.

"Mom, help me. Help her, please." Clarke begged.

Abby dropped to her knees beside them, hands instantly fumbling at Lexa's bloodstained shirt and ripping it apart. Ink-like liquid immediately seeped across her bare skin. Clarke's mother could do nothing but stare.

"What? What is it? Mom you have to do something!"

"I can't"

"What?" Clarke exclaimed

"Clarke" Lexa whispered softly, head rested against her shoulder. Clarke's attention abandoned Abby, and flooded towards Lexa instead.

"Yeah?" She pushed a stray hair from in front of Lexa's eye to reveal the full force of the piercing green.

"There's nothing you can do now" Lexa said softly. Her voice croaked.

"No. Don't do that, Lexa. Don't give up on me." Clarke sobbed and pulled the brunette further into her lap.

"I won't" Lexa whispered before repeating it again in reassurance "I won't"

Lexa's hand crept across the floor to a notebook which had tumbled from her pocket in the midst of the violence. Her fingers locked around it, and she dragged it to Clarke's hand.

"What..." Clarke's question remained unfinished and unanswered as Lexa cut her off

"Keep it. Read it. Not now." Lexa spoke is hesitating whispers between gasps. Clarke nodded and ran her hand through the braids in Lexa's hair. She could feel the warmth of her blood seeping through the fabric of her pants, warming her legs in a sick heat.

She leaned down and pressed her lips gently to Lexa's, expressing every single feeling she could into the one kiss. The chapped lips responded against her own immediately meeting the feelings with a welcoming motion.

When Clarke pulled back, she knew the look on Lexa's face.

It was the look her mother's patients made back in space when they were near their end. It was the face they made to their loved ones. It was a goodbye.

"I couldn't stop" Lexa whispered softly

"Stop what?"

"I couldn't stop caring"

Lexa had shown her often how much she really cared. Ever since their fight with mount weather Lexa had constantly attempted to make it up to her, and show her how much she really cared. The truth was, she couldn't stop caring either.

Clarke could feel it bubbling in her stomach, rising as she looked down on her. It reached her throat and spilled from her lips.

"I love you" she whispered quietly.

The commander's head drooped against her leg once, then once more as she lost control over herself.

"I-" Lexa tried. She let out the quietest groan "I l-"

The silence which followed echoed. It bounced off of the walls of mount weather and burned itself into the remaining inhabitants. Clarke pressed her forehead to hers, squeezing her eyes closed tightly.

She cried.

She cried loudly, allowing tears to fall freely.

She cried for Lexa: the woman who died for her.

Lexa's body lay heavy in Clarke's lap, arm hung loosely, and her grip on the blonde's hand was slack.

This shouldn't have happened. They had planned so much more, further than... this. They were going to fight together. Live together. They were going to do so much more than just survive, building a better world for both themselves and their people.

There was so much more to do.

Clarke decided then and there, covered in the blood of the woman she loved, that Pike would suffer. He would pay. He would be tortured. Both emotionally and physically until he broke. No sympathy in the world would prevent Clarke from doing that.

She traced her fingers over Lexa's cheek, wiping away the stray tear that had fallen not so long ago whilst she was still breathing.

"I love you" she whispered again.


	27. Chapter 27: The Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last song for this is ‘I couldn’t stop staring’ by the spiritual machines.
> 
> Please don’t kill me. There’s another book.

Clarke settled down against the rock, daring to dangle her feet over the cliff face as she looked across at the view. Birds swooped and dove effortlessly in the soft breeze. The water below them was fresh; it shimmered and flowed with ease. Surrounding it like a border were tall looming trees, which emphasised their power in their bright shades of green.

She had been visiting the breathtaking scene every day since she found it for the past year and a half. Something about it made her feel at peace.

Maybe because she knew Lexa would love it there too.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the tin box which held the flame. She had received the item from Titus after her death, coming to find new information in the process. According to Titus, Lexa was inside the flame, her spirit accompanied by the other past commanders. It was something that she kept treasured, knowing that in every war and fight she entered, Lexa was right there beside her. She cleared her throat and leant back against her usual rock.

"Hey, Lexa." She sighed as she set the flame down on the rock beside her "Today marks two years since you left, you know?"

She tugged out a sketchbook and balanced it in her lap. The book, clearly, was filled with Lexa. Through the time and the years, her sketches of the commander became more and more hazy as she faded from her memory. The only thing that remained the same were the piercing green eyes, and the tame but wild mane of her hair.

"Pike is still out there. I know he took over Polis, and took your place after you left, but it's okay." Clarke kept talking as her pencil swirled across the paper "Octavia and I are fighting back for it. We have the man power for it, Lexa. I know we can do this. Although, I think it would be a little easier with you here."

Clarke chuckled and shook her head with a sigh. She quickly pushed the tears away which threatened to spill from her eyes.

"Can you believe that Octavia is now called the red queen? First she was the girl under the floor, then she was death from above. Now she's the red queen" Clarke changed the topic swiftly, smiling to herself "leaders of the rebellion: the red queen and the commander of death."

Clarke shook her head. Ever since Lexa was buried, Octavia and Clarke had sworn to retrieve Pike's leadership and return it to its rightful owners. That was the first spark of rebellion.

"I miss you Lexa." She whispered.

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"Raven! What are you doing? If Clarke wakes up she'll kill you!" Luna whispered harshly as she crept into Clarke's room, following the mechanic closely.

"Shut up. I had permission from Abby. That means something. Just... help me find it would you?"

Luna watched Raven stumble blindly across Clarke's room, opening drawers quietly and sneaking glances inside. She paused to stare at the room.

Almost every wall was covered in art work. On each wall sketches were sprawled across the brick. Most of them included the commander herself, and Luna's heart wrenched. Almost everyone missed Lexa, but Clarke? Clarke was torn to pieces at her death. However, there were the odd drawings of Jayden, standing tall and proud. From the corner of her eye, Luna could see Raven deliberately and visibly ducking her head to avoid looking at them.

"Come on, help me" Raven whispered.

Luna approached the sleeping blonde

"What are you doing, Luna?" Ravens whispers were drowned out as she bent down and ever so gently lifted Clarke's head from her pillow. She shuffled and curled closer to the heat of Luna's arm. As she lifted the pillow, she spotted the crimson red of the tin.

"Raven. There." Luna nodded towards the flame, and it was quickly swept up by Raven. She gently laid Clarke's head back against the pillow and pulled the cover closer up her body.

"Do we have the notebook?"

"Yes. Come on, let's go. If she wakes up she'll know it's gone." Luna pushed Raven out of the door and followed her down the corridor.

They joined Abby in the Rover, with the Doctor driving and Raven in the passenger seat. Luna watched over her shoulder in the back as the brunette girl read the foreign words in the notebook, finger darting across the paper as she rushed to finish the page.

"This could really work." Raven said quickly with a frown "but who's going to do it?"

"If we get caught..." Luna looked between the two other women.

"I'll do it" Abby said "Where's the shovel?"

Luna lifted the metal tool up from beside her which was tossed in the rover last minute. She nodded. "I have it here."

"Good" Abby slammed on the brakes and they all got out, creeping over to the two gravestones. One was older, with vines beginning to snake around the name which marked the stone:

'Costia Kom Trikru'

Beside it was a stone of a fresher state, with only the faint stains of water or a lone leaf balancing on the top to change its state.

"Are we really doing this?" Luna questioned, eying the grave.

"We need her, Luna." Abby said softly.

She knew it was breaking grounder rules as it was to bury her instead of burning her. But everyone had agreed that this would have been what she wanted. And now, to dig up her grave and take her body? That was crossing over many lines. Over many dangerous lines.

Abby dropped the shovel into the ground, turning up untouched dirt and piling it up beside the newish gravestone. Luna turned away, her back facing the scene.

Shovel after shovel tossed dirt into the ever growing pile until finally, the shovel connected with the coffin in the ground. Raven jumped at the loud 'clunk' which was made. Abby lowered herself into the hole in the ground, hands locking on one side of the perfectly carved coffin.

"Will one of you give me a hand here? She's pretty heavy you know?" Abby complained as she tugged at the box.

Raven and Luna exchanged a look, arguing with their eyes. Finally, Luna gave in and approached the grave with a sigh. She bent down and grabbed at the wood, helping Abby tug out the dirt-covered coffin from the ground.

"Raven, fill the hole back up" Abby said as she opened the back doors to the rover. The two women slid the coffin into the back, leaving just enough space for Luna to sit.

"I'm going to hell for this" Raven mumbled and shovelled the dirt back into place. There was a slight dip in the ground from where the coffin was missing, but at that point, Raven wanted to leave. Now.

"Let's go." Raven tossed Luna the shovel and climbed into the passenger seat of the rover, nudging Abby to drive.

__________________________

()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Raven lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling. It was a failure. A complete, and utter failure. How were they supposed to tell Clarke what they had done?

"Is the flame in the machine?" Raven called from across the room. Her voice echoed madly though the lab.

"Yeah, all set. Are you sure this is right?" Abby asked

"Abby, I read the notebook over to the point where I know it off by heart. Yes. I'm sure."

"Okay then... let's do it."

Ever since they had arrived, all three women had been darting across the place in awe. Who would have thought that Lexa's notebook held the exact location of the Becca Pramheda? Raven didn't know that grounder history dug so far into science and technology. She read through the book like a mantra, and took in every word into consideration, even though the words were in Latin...

She typed in passwords after password on Becca's computer, hearing the rumble of machinery beginning their functions. It was going to work.

The coffin lay empty to the side of the room, its inhabitants moved to the large machine which sat in the middle of the lab. The women still couldn't quite get over how well preserved the body was. But after all of Raven's research, she shouldn't have been too surprised.

She had read in the book that Nightblood keeps the body much more preserved than a body with red blood. It would take at least three years to even begin decaying. It was strange to say the least, that the chemistry and biology used to create the night blood was so advanced that not even Raven could understand it. Not yet, anyway.

The machine lit up, filling their eyes with blinding light as it did it's job. At least, they thought it was doing its job.

Luna stood on the balcony, watching over the scene. Her hands gripped tightly at the cool metal bar which made up the railing. Something wasn't right. She could feel it.

When the machine finally cut out, Abby was the first to peek inside through the small window.

"Shit!" Abby cursed, stepping away and running her hand through her hair.

"What is it? Did it work?" Raven jumped down, and was quickly joined by Luna who bounded down the steps beside her.

Abby shook her head "it's empty. She's gone."

Raven felt Luna roll onto her side to look down at her. She could feel the fizzy hair falling and brushing against her shoulder.

"Raven" Luna whispered, earning a small grunt from the mechanic "we didn't know it wouldn't work. It's not our fault that her body just... vanished. That machinery... it's hundreds of years old. A malfunction was bound to happen..."

"I checked it over Luna, I would have found a fault." Raven sighed "We did something wrong"

Luna cupped her face gently "then we did something wrong. It's over, and there is no point dwelling on the past. For now, we keep this from Clarke. It's a secret between us three. We tell her when she's ready."

"But she'll know something happened. The flame disappeared too, Luna."

"I know" Luna responded. She looked down sadly at her.

Raven had never once failed at a job. She always managed to fix the problem, and maybe even improve it while she was at it. But this time, she failed. Luna could sense her disappointment in herself.

She pulled Raven into her arms, feeling the brunette curl up closer to her, and pressed a lone kiss to her forehead.

"We will work through this." Luna whispered. Raven shuffled in her arms to be closer, seeking comfort.

"What do we do now?" Raven asked

"Whatever we can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you enjoyed this book, PLEASE share it. I put a lot of effort into this and after having to move aaaaall my books onto ao3, I obviously lost my views and following. It would mean a lot to share! Thank you so much!


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